What Dreams May Come
by Leebot
Summary: Shiznat, lemon near the end After the Carnival, Shizuru must make peace with those she wronged. Meanwhile, Natsuki must come to terms with her feelings for Shizuru.
1. Waking from a Nightmare

**Disclaimer:** I own neither My-HiME nor any of the characters within it.

**Author's note: **A few random things to say, so I'll just get it all out of the way before getting onto the fic. First of all, translation convention: All Japanese (including Shizuru's Kyoto-ben) is translated into English except a few things which don't translate well (such as honorifics). Also, be warned that this chapter is un-betaed, though I've proofread it a bit myself.

Many Shiznat stories have been written, and I thank everyone who's written one. This fic of my own is in part my way of thanking you. I hope you'll all enjoy it. Just a bit of an opener right now, though. I felt that I had to write down the events of Ep. 25 and 26 between Shizuru and Natsuki, as it was one of the most heart-wrenching/heart-warming scenes I've ever seen, and one of the reasons I love this couple so much.

**Warning: ** This fic contains shoujo-ai (girl-girl love). Don't like? Don't read.

* * *

**Title: **What Dreams May Come 

**Rating: **T (though there's a chance it'll rise to M later on)

**Chapter 1: **Waking from a Nightmare

* * *

Maybe it should have hurt her more to see the pain on Natsuki's face, but Shizuru had gone too far to regret what she had to do now. All that passed through her mind was that she finally had Natsuki. Maybe Natsuki wouldn't return her feelings now, maybe she even hated Shizuru for what she'd done, but it didn't matter. 

Shizuru gave a vicious tug on her naginata, pulling Natsuki to her as the cord retracted. Dropping the weapon to the ground, she pulled her love into an embrace. Natsuki was limp in her arms. She may not have wanted this, but it seemed that she'd resigned herself to it. _If only you'd give us a chance, Natsuki. It would be so good…_

Natsuki moved in Shizuru's arms, but she didn't seem to be trying to escape so much as just turning to face Shizuru. _You may have your say, Natsuki,_ Shizuru said silently as she loosened her grasp and turned to face her captive. She knew the words that were coming. Even broken, Natsuki would need to get in one last word and make sure Shizuru knew just how much she was hated.

She was ready for a profession of hatred. She knew she had it coming, and knew she deserved it. What she wasn't ready for was a kiss. It didn't make any sense. She'd dreamed of Natsuki kissing her like this, but she knew it would never happen. She would always have to be the one to initiate contact, and returns would come with reluctance, if at all.

Her mind raced to try to find an explanation for this action. Was she dreaming? But it felt so real… more real than anything than anything she'd felt since… since the last time they'd kissed, and Shizuru was caught by Haruka. Shizuru's eyes widened in horror as her mind's eye wandered back to that time and saw what she'd done. She'd killed Haruka, and might as well have killed Yukino in the process. And then she'd done the same thing with Nao and her mother.

It wasn't a dream now, but Shizuru had been acting out a nightmare up until this moment. Tears threatened to break from her eyes, and she made no effort to hold them in. It didn't matter anymore. But as Natsuki turned the kiss into a hug—just as loving as the one Shizuru had given her moments ago—Shizuru froze, too stunned by these developments to even cry. It was impossible, how Natsuki feel anything but hate for her after what she'd done? And yet… Shizuru felt love in Natsuki's gestures.

"Shizuru," Natsuki said, the words piercing through Shizuru's scrambled mind. "You were the first one to come to me when I was unable to believe in anyone."

_I thought you'd hate me for that… knowing all I did in the guise of that friendship… _Shizuru couldn't bring herself to speak the words, but they didn't need to be said. Natsuki knew it all anyways.

"But, I can't have the feeling you wish I did." Natsuki's voice was filled with regret.

_I know, Natsuki. I don't deserve your love. I don't even deserve your friendship._

"Even so, I'm still happy that you loved me."

Shizuru's thoughts drifted back to when Natsuki had summoned Duran. She'd explained then that the Child grew with the HiME's affection for her most important person. Shizuru had thought it was from hate, but if Natsuki didn't hate her… Did Natsuki care for Shizuru as much as she did for Natsuki? _Impossible… for her to like me at all now, much less like me that much… Am I truly not beyond forgiveness?_

Natsuki pulled back from the hug and gazed directly into Shizuru's eyes. "I also love you, Shizuru." Shizuru could almost delude herself into believing that the love she saw in those brilliant green irises was the same type as her own. It looked so much like it, but she couldn't let herself fall down that path again. Even just friendly love was too much for her, but she could hardly turn it down. As she accepted this offering, she felt a blush forming on her cheeks. Natsuki had finally gotten the better of her.

Shizuru wanted this moment to last forever. Even though she knew she didn't deserve it, she was still shocked at what Natsuki decided to do. "So… Duran! Load Silver Cartridge!"

_Natsuki…?_

"Fire!"

Shizuru watched in horror as Natsuki's gigantic Child aimed its cannons directly at Kiyohime and fired massive shards of ice into its belly. Kiyohime, contracted on Natsuki's life and its fate entwined with hers, was no more.

Natsuki was going to die.

Shizuru saw the explosion tear through Duran as well, dooming her to the same fate, but that didn't matter. She knew that she deserved to die after what she'd done, but Natsuki didn't. And yet, she was willing to sacrifice herself… but why must she?

No, she knew. She hadn't been willing to admit it to herself, and the subconscious knowledge had helped drive her to insanity over the impossibilities. The HiME Carnival could only end if a single HiME was left standing. And yet, she and Natsuki were tied together. If either were defeated, they would both vanish. But if this never happened, the HiME star could never be stopped, and they would die anyways.

But Natsuki understood this, and was willing to sacrifice her own life so that Mai would be alive alone to end the Carnival. She didn't have to heal Shizuru to do this, though. She could have easily had Duran destroy Kiyohime earlier on. But she'd chosen to save and forgive her friend.

_I won't have to die a monster, and I'll even get to die in the arms of my love…_

"I'm fulfilled," she whispered to Natsuki.

_I'm ready to die, _she decided as she felt her body start to fade. With her last thought, she concentrated on the angel who'd saved her soul, even if her life was forfeit. _Natsuki…_

* * *

"_The time has come. Awaken, HiMEs. It is time to put an end to the long battle and remove the yolk of cursed fate…"_

_What? I'm… alive?_

Shizuru opened her eyes. She was still locked in her embrace with Natsuki, but this was wrong. She tore herself away and backed off.

_No… no! I was supposed to die. I deserved to die, I should have died. For all I did, only my death could even the scales._

The tears which had been locked behind her eyes prior to her death finally broke free. Shizuru buried her face in her hands. She would have never let anyone see her like this before, but maintaining her mask no longer mattered. If she couldn't offer her life for her crimes, she had nothing.

She heard the sounds of her love rising to her feet, and she let her pleas flow out, "Forgive… forgive me, Natsuki. I'm…"

"It's alright now, Shizuru. It's alright." The words were soft, laced with Natsuki's love, and they managed to break through Shizuru's tears.

Shizuru dropped her hands and gazed into Natsuki's eyes. _If you say it's alright, Natsuki, then maybe it is. There's still so much I need to atone for, but for you, I'll try to live and face my demons._ Shizuru felt a genuine smile cross her face, one saved just for Natsuki.

Natsuki gazed back her, perhaps silently understanding. As with before, however, she was the one who broke the moment to do what needed to be done. It wasn't over yet, and Mai needed them now. "Let's go," Natsuki said.

_Thank you, Natsuki. When this is all over, I'm yours, however you want me._


	2. Prelude to a Dream

**Japanese in this chapter:**

_Gakuen _– Academy

_Ara_ – An all-purpose interjection in Shizuru-ben (comes from "ara ara," which roughly means "oh me, oh my," but Shizuru's made it her own)

_Kaichou _– The Student Council president

**Author's Note: **Much thanks to everyone who reviewed chapter 1, and a special thanks to my beta, centauri2002. The response was so much that you've encouraged me to hop right back on and start writing again immediately. The main thrust of the story starts up in this chapter, so with no further ado…

* * *

**Title: **What Dreams May Come

**Rating: **T

**Chapter 2:** Prelude to a Dream

* * *

_Ara, Natsuki. I've decided that since a lot of my thoughts might be a bit much for you, I would write all of those down in a letter. If I'm ever blessed enough to have you love me as I love you, then I'll be able to give you this and see that adorable blush on your face which should have formed right as you read the word "adorable."_

_And right about now, you should be feeling me catch you with a surprise hug. And now, I'll place my lips gently at the bottom of your neck, right inside the collarbone, and give you a sweet, sweet kiss. I'll slowly move up, kissing my way along your neck as you lose yourself to pleasure, until… well, somehow I doubt you're reading this anymore. By the time you get back to reading you'll already know exactly what I'm planning to do to you._

_Ah, it's nice to dream about us like that. It's just too bad I'm limited to my dreams. I'm not complaining though. I have all I really need just being with you, as long as I can occasionally let some of my true feelings through in a way to make you blush. Don't complain, I know you appreciate it, and I know you'll never admit it._

_But I should really get on with things. I've gotten this far in the letter, and I haven't even told you when I'm writing it! Today's my graduation day, as a matter of fact. I know it should be very exciting for me, but I can't help thinking of what this means. After this, I'm going on to Fuuka University, and Natsuki will still be in Fuuka Gakuen. I won't be able to see you in school every day until you graduate too. That's really what got me thinking of you, and I decided to start on this letter then._

_Right now, I should probably go out and track you down to satisfy my Natsuki addiction. But before then, there's one more thing I'd like to get written down. Back on the last day of the Carnival, you really saved me, and I can never thank you enough. I know if I told this to you, you'd probably just tell me that you did it because I saved you, both after your mother died and earlier during the Carnival. But your actions were different, Natsuki. I saved you out of a selfish love; I only wanted you for myself. You saved me out of a much purer love; you did it just for me. Because of this, I made a vow on that day. I would put all of my interests second to yours when it came to our relationship. I would be whatever you needed from me, whether a friend, a very special friend, or a lover. So far you've seemed to want me as a special friend, and I'm delighted to fulfill that role for you._

_Well, I'm off to find you now. I don't have too much time before I'll have to get to the graduation ceremony, so I'll likely have to compress all the usual stages of our encounters down to a few minutes. Hmm, I wonder how long it will take me to get you to blush? I'll set my watch to time it and let you know in my next entry._

_Much love,_

_Shizuru_

* * *

_Ara-ra, where could you be, Natsuki? I had to go to my graduation without my Natsuki fix; I'll have to make you blush twice to make up for this._

Shizuru let out a sigh, having exhausted her final option for running into Natsuki: the Student Council meeting room. In the past, she could always count on Natsuki ending up here, having borrowed Shizuru's computer for research. But now that the First District had disbanded, Natsuki no longer had any need to use the computer. There was still a chance she'd come here just to meet Shizuru, but that didn't seem to be the case either.

While Shizuru may have been out of places she could look to find Natsuki on her own, she was far from out of resources. She might be leaving the school soon, but until then, she still had a legion of fangirls who would be more than willing to do whatever she might ask of them. Surely at least one of them would have seen Natsuki, and even if not, it would be no problem getting them to scour the campus for her.

Although they'd surely do it for her, Shizuru knew that a lot of them would probably resent it. Many of them felt jealous of Natsuki for her special place in Shizuru's heart, and helping the two meet up wouldn't help the situation. It wouldn't be right for the last thing she asked of them to be something they'd regret.

There had to be some way, though. Shizuru accessed the devious side of her mind, and it didn't take long at all for it to come up with a solution. It was simple, really. All she had to do was tell her fangirls that she wanted to see Natsuki because she was angry with her and they had some things to "settle." They'd be sure to jump on the task with glee. A smirk developed on Shizuru's face as she imagined them delivering a hogtied Natsuki to her. That would do quite well to make up for her not being around before the ceremony. Maybe she could even have some more fun with Natsuki in that state and let her build up some credit for future indiscretions.

Set with a plan, Shizuru put back on her mask of grace and left the meeting room. As she closed the door behind her, she paused in front of it as she scanned the hallway for a member of her fanclub she could enlist to help. She didn't catch sight of any of them in her first pass, but as she turned back she caught sight of a figure who hadn't been there before rapidly turning around to walk away from her.

It didn't take Shizuru long to identify her. Even if Shizuru hadn't seen her in every Student Council meeting for the last two years, Kikukawa Yukino's untamable mass of short brown hair was a dead giveaway. "Kikukawa-san?"

Yukino visibly flinched at Shizuru's voice. Shizuru's heart sank into dread as she remembered what she'd done to Yukino during the Carnival. Yukino had every right to be uncomfortable around her. Shizuru decided that this might be a time when being a little bit more open with her feelings would be best, so she let her mask drop a little to let her regret show through on her face. The last thing Yukino needed to see was an emotionless face from Shizuru; it would just remind of her of how Shizuru was during the Carnival.

Yukino took a few moments, but she did eventually steel herself and turn to face Shizuru. "Forgive me, Kaichou-san, that was rude of me."

"It's alright, I understand." Shizuru felt an impulse to reach out and rest her hand on Yukino's shoulder, but she held back. She wasn't the one who should be trying to comfort her; it was more likely to just make her even more uncomfortable.

The two girls stood there in an uncomfortable silence for a few long moments, until Shizuru thought of something she could say to break it. "Actually, I just graduated, so I'm no longer the Kaichou. You're the one who should be addressed as 'Kaichou-san' now."

"Yeah… I guess," Yukino said. The subject change seemed to do nothing to put her at ease, as she kept her eyes firmly rooted to the floor.

Shizuru sighed. This wasn't working; they couldn't just ignore the issues between them. "Kikukawa-san, I'm sorry, but I'm a bit busy looking for Natsuki now. Can we talk later, though?"

Yukino seemed to weigh her options for a moment. Shizuru knew that Yukino probably wouldn't be enthused to talk to her again, but Yukino eventually nodded. "Alright," she said, mustering the courage to look up at Shizuru.

"Thank you, Kikukawa-san. I'll phone you later." Shizuru gave Yukino a small smile and walked around her. She'd lost all enthusiasm to see Natsuki hogtied before her, but she did still want to see her friend.

"Kai- er, Fujino-san!" Shizuru paused in her step and turned back to face Yukino. "I… um, I ran into Natsuki not long ago. She was looking for Sakomizu-sensei, but I don't know where he might be."

Shizuru's smile widened slightly. Maybe things wouldn't be so hard with Yukino, after all. "Thank you, Kaichou-san." A slight blush formed on Yukino's cheeks upon hearing the former Kaichou address her by this title, and she nodded quickly and turned away.

_Yukino's rather cute herself when she blushes, but she doesn't compare to Natsuki. Let's see, I already checked at Sakomizu's garden, but maybe Natsuki got there after I checked._

* * *

"…tra classes, you'll have to repeat your freshman year onward," Sakomizu was saying as Shizuru got in range to hear him.

_I warned you, Natsuki. Even so, there is _no way_ I am going to wait an extra year for you to get to university. I'd rather repeat a grade myself. But before we get to that, you're reaction should be quite a treat._

Shizuru approached silently, not wanting to interrupt and ruin the moment. She watched in amusement as a flustered Natsuki tried to find a way out. "Well, but you see… Something like that… you can do something about it, right?"

_Oh, this is priceless. Alright, Natsuki, this makes up for missing me this morning._

"Nothing can be done!" Sakomizu said with an evil glint in his eyes. He seemed to be enjoying this as much as Shizuru. "I don't think it's time for you to be going on a jolly journey."

"J-just a minute!"

Natsuki was so adorable in her frustration that Shizuru couldn't resist a second more. Shizuru stepped out and put on her classic smile. "Why? Repeating isn't bad."

"Shizuru…" Natsuki turned around slowly, her teeth gritted and a slight blush already present on her face. She looked quite like she wanted to bolt and hide under a rock, but knew that it would only bring her more embarrassment from Shizuru when she was found.

"Maybe I shouldn't graduate then?" Shizuru was thankful at this moment that she still had her diploma with her, so she could make a big show of discarding it. The show apparently succeeded, as Natsuki was too embarrassed to do anything but let out a whimper, her face still frozen in a fearful grin. "Ara, Natsuki, if you keep your face like that, it just might get stuck."

This broke Natsuki out of that expression, and she followed it up by giving Shizuru her usual evil glare. Of course, although the glare would do wonders against the average person, Shizuru had long since developed an immunity to it. "I don't think it's that easy to undo a graduation," Natsuki said.

"Oh?" Shizuru feigned consideration of this for a moment and then said, "Well, then I guess you're just going to have to take extra classes over the summer."

Natsuki sighed in resignation. "Fine, fine." She reverted to her glare. "But I'm going to make you tutor me through every one of them!"

"Oh, so Natsuki wants me to be her teacher? This could be fun." Shizuru picked up her diploma and looked at it as if it were a clipboard. "Oh my, it says here that Natsuki has been a very naughty girl in skipping classes. We'll have to find a suitable punishment for you." Now Shizuru took her turn at giving Natsuki her best evil glare, though this one held a fair bit more mischievousness than Natsuki's. It was also a lot more effective.

"Shizuru!" Natsuki turned around quickly, apparently remembering about Sakomizu. Fortunately for her pride, he'd left to tend to another part of his garden when Shizuru had come. "Maybe I can get Mai to help me," she mumbled.

Shizuru put on her best feigned hurt expression. "Does Natsuki not want to me to help her out?"

Natsuki faltered for a moment. She definitely didn't like seeing even feigned pain on Shizuru's face, but she apparently decided to continue fighting this battle – or, as Shizuru saw it, digging her grave even deeper. "Natsuki doesn't want to be subject to your punishment! I know what goes on in that dirty mind of yours, Fujino Shizuru."

Shizuru mentally sighed. _I guess I really can't exact that form of "punishment" on her now that she knows about my feelings. And I so wanted to see Natsuki in a cute French maid's outfit…_ _Alright, I'll let you win this battle, Natsuki, but I won't be this merciful forever._ "Well, if you're going to have Mai tutor you, then I think you'd want to get on her good side," Shizuru said.

Natsuki looked at her in stunned silence. It wasn't often that Shizuru would let her win one of their battles.

Shizuru ignored Natsuki's incredulous gaze and continued, "I believe most of the girls were going to let Mai decide what we'd all do to celebrate the end of the school year, and I don't think it would be a good idea for Natsuki not to come."

"I was going to come!" Natsuki protested.

"Was Natsuki that enthusiastic about singing Karaoke? I hear you put on quite the show last time; I'm just sad I had to miss it."

The color drained from Natsuki's face. "K-karaoke?"

"What else do you think Mai would want to do? Now come on, let's go. You wouldn't want to be late, would you?" Not waiting for a response, Shizuru turned and started off. _Okay, Natsuki, I think we're even for this morning now. But I hope you don't think I'm going to help you get out of singing karaoke._

"Shizuru."

Shizuru turned around to see that Natsuki hadn't moved from her spot. "Yes, Natsuki?"

Natsuki idly played with her hair as she took a moment to calm her nerves. "Tonight, Shizuru… can we talk? There's… something I need to… talk to you about."

Shizuru briefly considered teasing the girl about her nerves, but decided that Natsuki had probably had enough for the day. Besides, something told her this wasn't a good time to be teasing. She widened her smile a little bit and said, "Of course, Natsuki. I'm always free to talk to you."

Natsuki relaxed a little, though she was apparently still a bit nervous as she hadn't stopped twirling her hair about her finger. "Thank you, Shizuru," she said. Shizuru suspected she was being thanked more for not teasing her than agreeing to talk, but she decided not to say anything.

* * *

"I hope you enjoyed yourself tonight, Shizuru," Natsuki said. "Because I am _never_ singing karaoke again."

"Ara, but Natsuki looked so cute up there!" Shizuru said. _I can't believe they actually had a French maid outfit for her! What did I ever do to deserve this?_

Natsuki's face flushed, or at least so Shizuru assumed. All she could see at the moment was the back of Natsuki's neck, but it was sufficiently red. "And do you have any plans of letting go of me and getting off the bike? We've been in front of your house for five minutes now."

"No," Shizuru said. "Natsuki is just too huggable. It's your own fault, really."

"Well I'm getting off now, and you'll need to let go if you don't want to have an intimate encounter with the pavement."

"Meanie." Shizuru reluctantly slid her arms from around Natsuki, being sure to apply slight pressure with her fingers as they traced Natsuki's belly and sides. A grin crossed her face as she saw Natsuki shiver at her touch. Shizuru then jumped off the bike; she figured she might as well go first as she'd have to unlock the door for Natsuki.

"So do you own this house?" Natsuki asked as she got off the bike and put her helmet away.

"My parents bought it for me a few years ago," Shizuru explained as she unlocked the door. "They said I should have some place in Fuuka to stay if I needed a break from campus. I never felt the need to come out here until now, but it'll make a good place to stay until I move into the university dorms."

As they walked inside, Natsuki looked around and commented, "It doesn't look very dirty. Are you sure you haven't been here in years?"

"I think I'd remember," Shizuru said. "But I hired a maid to come in and clean it a few days ago. I'm sorry I can't offer you anything to eat or drink, though. I still need to go out and get groceries. I hope you'll forgive me for being a poor hostess this one night."

"It's alright, Shizuru, I won't be too long," Natsuki said. Shizuru thought she was starting to get a bit nervous again and wondered what could be on her mind. "Is there some place we can sit down?"

"I think the living room is just around here… ah yes, here we go," Shizuru said as she led Natsuki. She took a seat in a chair which was significantly more expensive than it was comfortable and asked, "So what did Natsuki want to talk about?"

Natsuki sat down on a loveseat across the room from Shizuru and took a couple slow breaths before she said, "Do you remember what I said to you during the Carnival?"

Shizuru smiled. "I remember Natsuki said many sweet things to me."

Natsuki dropped her gaze as a light blush formed on her cheeks. "Yes, well… It's just that, one of the things I said, I meant it at the time, but now I'm not so sure…"

Shizuru's smile disappeared as her heart sank. _She doesn't love me? No… with Duran's size, she'd have to. Is she not happy about how I feel about her? I'm sorry, Natsuki. I don't know if I could stop loving you even if you needed me too._

Natsuki's eyes widened in surprise, and Shizuru mused that it was no use trying to hide her pain from her friend. "No, no Shizuru, it's not like that!"

Shizuru let out a breath that she didn't realize she'd been holding. "Don't play with my emotions like that, Natsuki." _After all of Natsuki's nervousness, I'm the one whose making a fool of herself. Good job, Shizuru._

"Sorry," Natsuki said. "But, the thing I'm not sure about was… and please remember it's just that I'm not sure, but it was when I said that…" Natsuki trailed off into mumbles at the end of her sentence, turning her face away from Shizuru.

"What was that, Natsuki?"

"I don't know how I feel, okay!" Natsuki practically shouted at Shizuru, still refusing to look at her. Shizuru sat in stunned silence, half surprised at Natsuki's outburst and half trying not to let her hopes get out of control. "I told you back then that I couldn't love you in the same way, but I…" Shizuru thought she heard Natsuki choke back a sob. "I need some time."

Shizuru felt like her heart was being torn apart. Part of it wanted to be ecstatic that she actually had a chance with Natsuki, while another part of it wanted to fall into depression for seeing Natsuki in such a fragile state. Eventually, her mind intervene and decided that worrying about Natsuki had to take priority. She moved over to Natsuki and wrapped her in a hug, trying to make it as chaste as possible. "Natsuki can have all the time she needs to decide," she said.

"Thank you, Shizuru," Natsuki said after a few minutes. She raised her right hand up to grip Shizuru's, silently signaling that it was alright to let go now. Shizuru sat back, not bothering to move back to her former seat. She suppressed the urge to lightly stroke Natsuki's back; now definitely wasn't the time.

They sat there in silence for a few minutes. In it, Shizuru tried to puzzle out what was making this so hard for Natsuki. It wasn't as if she was saying anything bad, or even embarrassing. Did she just not like being unsure? Was it sharing her feelings that she didn't like? Natsuki might have presented a rougher exterior, but Shizuru knew that she held her heart in even closer check than Shizuru did. She probably just didn't like appearing vulnerable.

"Just… one more thing, Shizuru," Natsuki eventually said. She was still facing away from Shizuru. Shizuru suspected that Natsuki might have been crying, and didn't want to reveal it to her.

"Anything, Natsuki."

"I need some space," Natsuki said. "I just can't think straight when I'm around you… and for this, I need to be as clear as possible."

"Alright, Natsuki. Whatever you need," Shizuru said with reluctance. _I promised you anything. But you have no idea what you're doing to me, Natsuki, to give me this hope and then say you need time away from me. The hope should get me through it, at least._

As Shizuru felt a tear cross her cheek, she was suddenly glad that Natsuki still had her back to her. As Shizuru thought about the prospect of spending time away from Natsuki, she decided that there was something she had to do first. "Forgive me, Natsuki," she whispered. She leaned forward slowly, making sure Natsuki had plenty of time to pull away if she wanted to, though she probably didn't realize what Shizuru was planning.

She rested her chin on Natsuki's shoulder, and slowly bent her head around to plant a soft kiss on Natsuki's cheek. Her heart fluttered when she realized that Natsuki had let her go through with it without trying to move away at all and had only reacted with a slight blush rising to her cheek. As she pulled back, Shizuru licked her lips and found a slight salty taste. Natsuki had indeed by crying.

Natsuki didn't appear to be in the mood for leaving at the moment, so Shizuru offered, "I have a spare futon if you'd like to stay for the night."

Natsuki shook her head. "Thanks, but I should go now." She wiped her face with her sleeve before she got up and turned to face Shizuru. "I'll talk to you later, okay?"

Shizuru gave Natsuki one of the special smiles she saved just for her. "Okay. Don't keep me waiting too long, though." Natsuki gave a slight nod at this and turned to go, not so much agreeing as simply acknowledging that she knew Shizuru would be waiting for her.

_Please make the right decision, Natsuki._


	3. Behind Red Eyes

**Author's Note:** First of all, thanks for all the encouragement again. However, I'm a bit sorry to tell you that we won't be getting to Natsuki's decision quite yet. One more chapter on Shizuru, and then I promise we'll switch over to see how Natsuki's doing. I'd like to note, however, that this is mostly Shizuru's story (as implied in the summary), so most chapters will be from her view, with just the occasional foray into Natsuki-land.

Also, and big thank you to centauri2002 for betaing this. Trust me, your input is valuable, however few mistakes you find. I was a bit concerned about how this chapter worked overall, and you've helped to allay those concerns.

* * *

**Title: **What Dreams May Come 

**Rating: **T

**Chapter 3:** Behind Red Eyes

* * *

_Ara ara, Natsuki, I really wasn't expecting this. I always thought that we'd just settle into a comfortable friendship, and in the best case scenario, I'd be able to ever-so-slowly pull you out of your shell and teach you to open up with your feelings and reveal your love for me. Or if it turned out that you just weren't capable of loving another girl, we'd be able to figure that out and cope with it in time, but I don't really want to think too much on that possibility right now._

_I've chosen to focus on hope right now. The way I'm going to view these developments with you is that somewhere, deep down, you really do love me that way, and you just don't know how to get it out. Eventually, you'll be able to figure it out, and you'll come in and surprise me and we'll have a glorious first kiss as a couple. Now, I don't really have to worry about being wrong in this letter, as if I am, you'll never see it! Ara, maybe I shouldn't have written that last sentence down… but I can't cross it out now without ruining the appearance of this letter, so I guess it will have to stay._

_I really hope this won't take you too long to figure out, Natsuki. I don't even know what measure of time you were thinking of. Will I hear from you tomorrow, or could it take you weeks to get back to me? Ara, I'll bear with it, however long you need. If Natsuki needs me to leave her alone for a while so we can eventually be together, it's a price I'm willing to pay. Just please don't keep me waiting too long, okay? It's not nice to dangle a prize like this just out of my reach._

_Well, I really should be off to bed now. Sleep will be a good way to pass the time, though I'll have to find something else to do after that. I'd actually planned to spend a lot of time with you while you had the week off before summer classes start, and I'm going to have a lot of free time to fill in. You better make this sacrifice worth it!_

_By the way, I mentioned in my last letter I'd time how long it took me to make you blush. Since you were blushing at my very first comment, I think we can call that a record of zero seconds. The only way I'll be able to top that is if you blush just thinking about me before I arrive. Mind helping me out with that one?_

_Forever yours,_

_Shizuru_

* * *

"Natsuki," Shizuru said as she found the girl resting outside. "The sun has set, so it's going to get cold soon." 

Natsuki didn't react to her words; she was apparently quite sound asleep. Shizuru debated with herself momentarily over whether she should try to gently move the Natsuki inside. She might wake her, but the cold would do that soon enough anyways. It was probably best to bring her in, then.

But Shizuru couldn't bring herself to do that just yet. The vision of the girl had her enchanted. So many times, she'd imagined being with Natsuki. They would live together, sharing everything, especially the moments. Natsuki wouldn't be afraid to open herself up to Shizuru, and would even leave herself vulnerable to her, just like this…

"Natsuki…" She was so beautiful. Someone like her deserved to be loved, to be adored and cherished. She deserved someone who would give her pleasure, who would envelop those beautiful lips in her own and teach her how to love. And Shizuru knew that no one could ever love Natsuki as much as she did. It had to be her. _You'll thank me for this someday, Natsuki_. She leaned in and brought one hand up to stroke Natsuki's face. She used the it to lightly move Natsuki's head to face her, as she brought her own lips in to meet those of the sleeping angel…

"No."

The scene broke apart, and the Shizuru who was about to kiss Natsuki was gone. Shizuru found herself standing over the other girl, watching over her as a friend should. _But that's not what really happened. I couldn't hold myself back, and I took advantage of her._ Shizuru dropped down to sit beside Natsuki and rested a hand on her shoulder.

"Forgive me, Natsuki," she said. She knew at this point that she was just revisiting the events in her dreams, and the sleeping figure couldn't hear her in any case, but that wasn't what mattered. All that mattered is that this time, she did the right thing—what Natsuki would want her to do. She should just take care of her friend and bring her inside before it got cold.

Shizuru removed her hand from Natsuki's shoulder and slipped it around her back. Slipping her other arm under Natsuki's legs, Shizuru pulled the girl up and into her, cradling her against her body. Natsuki let out a soft moan and turned her head, but she didn't wake up. Shizuru brought the sleeping girl into the house and laid her back down on the futon where she'd slept past nights in this house.

Her deed done, Shizuru's thoughts drifted back to the sin she'd committed. As she thought about it, she realized a prospect that made her betrayal even worse. "Was that your first kiss, Natsuki?" she asked the sleeping figure. "It probably was. I can't imagine you ever finding an occasion to kiss anyone else."

Shizuru knew that Natsuki wasn't really the sentimental type, but she'd actually hoped that that might emerge as she drew Natsuki out of her shell. If that appeared, would Natsuki then look back on this moment with regret that her first kiss, which should have been a magical moment of mutual love, was instead an act of betrayal? "If it's any consolation, Natsuki, that was my first kiss too. I regret it every day.

"But that wasn't my first time being kissed, as it was yours. The first kiss I received came from you at the end of the Carnival, as you used it to save me. It's a memory I cherish, but I don't deserve it. You should be the one to get the cherished memory, and me the regretted one." Shizuru bowed her head as she felt a tear flow down her cheek.

"I kissed you again last night, Natsuki, just on the cheek this time. I'm not sure if you knew it was coming and could have moved away, but you seemed to accept it when it came. If it's possible, could you try to think of that as the first kiss I gave you? It's much better to receive your first kiss from a friend trying to comfort you than a friend taking advantage of you. But maybe that won't work. If that's the case, then we'll still have the first time we kiss each other. I'm really looking forward to that moment, Natsuki, and I want to make it as special as possible for you."

Shizuru sighed. It was nice to say all of this, but it wasn't real. Natsuki deserved to hear all those words. She should probably write them in her letters when she got up; hopefully she'd remember all of this. Actually, no, she was only going to send those letters if she and Natsuki ever got together. Natsuki deserved to hear this part whether they ended up together or not. The best thing to do was make a special letter just for this that she'd give to Natsuki regardless of how things turned out.

"No!" The scream tore through Shizuru's heart, and she buried her face in her hands to hold back the sobs it tried to force out. It was a scream she remembered well. It marked Natsuki's disgust with and rejection of her feelings. When Shizuru had heard that scream before, she had lost herself to madness. It still hurt her to hear Natsuki in pain like that, but this time Shizuru was able to stay in control. What she'd done this time, though, hadn't led to that reaction; it was just an echo of her past.

As Shizuru steadied herself and removed her hands from her face, she realized that Natsuki was no longer in front of her. The scream had come from outside, so Natsuki must have been there now. Shizuru rose to her feet and straightened out her kimono. She had one more thing to set right this night. Shizuru left the house and proceeded to the site of her first murder.

"…before you commit any more unsightly acts! I won't let you lay a finger on Yukino." Shizuru smiled as she heard Haruka's declaration. _Always so gung-ho, Suzushiro-san. It may be occasionally idiotic, but it's what I respect most in you._

"Step back. This is not something for you to get involved in." Shizuru paused in her step as she heard her own voice speak these words. She'd have to face herself at the peak of her madness, then. So be it.

"She has every right to be involved. It's her life at stake, after all," Shizuru said to her double.

The four others turned to her in shock. "Shi-Shizuru?" Natsuki said.

Haruka looked back and forth at the two Shizurus madly. "What kind of trick is this?" she demanded. "You couldn't handle me alone so you had to double up on me, is that it? Typical Fujino."

"I'm not here for you, Suzushiro-san," Shizuru said. She looked pointedly at her double, who was currently the only other person there who didn't seem to be in shock from her presence. _I hope this works. _She called out with her soul and was pleased to feel the weight of her naginata drop into her hands. "I'm here for her," she said as she pointed the weapon at the other Shizuru.

"What do you intend to do?" her double asked. Her face was frozen in an expression that was almost frightening in its apathy. Red eyes bore into Shizuru, but there wasn't even anger in them. They were empty, and they tried to pull Shizuru into the void. "Do you wish to stop me from protecting Natsuki?"

Shizuru met the empty gaze unflinchingly. She was sure to let her mask down just enough so that the bystanders could see her anger. They had to know that she wasn't the same as the monster in front of her. "I wish to stop you from hurting Natsuki. This is not what she wants. Natsuki could never love an unfeeling beast like you."

"You would take Natsuki from me?" Even with this accusation, the expression on the other Shizuru's face barely changed. There wasn't even a hint of anger in her eyes. _Was this how I appeared to everyone else during the carnival? Forgive me, I truly was a monster._

Shizuru shook her head. "Natsuki isn't a prize to be won. And she most definitely isn't yours."

"She will be," Shizuru's double said, her face twisting into a smile that managed to be even more disconcerting than the empty expression that had preceded it. "Once I get rid of you. Kiyohime."

The ground split apart as the gigantic hydra burst from it behind Shizuru's foe. It let out a vicious roar as it emerged, but this roar trailed off into a grunt of confusion as it saw two copies of its master. The emergence of the hydra also had the effect of snapping Natsuki out of her stun over the proceedings, and she proceeded to try to talk some sense into Shizuru's double. "Shizuru! Stop this, there's no reason to fight!"

Shizuru smiled at Natsuki's attempt, but knew it was futile. "It's no use, Natsuki. The figure you see there is all the darkness in my heart risen to the surface. It's the beast within me, come unshackled. I'll need to settle this myself and subdue her."

"But…!" Natsuki protested, turning to Shizuru.

"I can't let myself hurt you once more, Natsuki. Please."

Natsuki met Shizuru's gaze and studied it for a moment. Shizuru looked back into Natsuki's eyes and saw them filled with fear and confusion. She opened up her expression just a little and revealed one of the smiles she reserved just for Natsuki. Natsuki, who had just suffered a betrayal from a woman who wore Shizuru's face, seemed to find comfort in this new Shizuru. The emotions in her eyes softened into trust and faith in her friend. "Alright," she said. "Do what you have to do."

At these words, the scene fell apart once more. The environment faded to black, with the figures of Natsuki, Yukino, and Haruka being cast aside. Even Kiyohime disappeared, as if she had been unsummoned. The Child had no place in this battle between her two masters. All that was left was Shizuru and her mirror image, each with her naginata readied for battle.

Shizuru took a moment to wonder just how real this was. She knew that she'd been dreaming up to this point, but everything had seemed so much clearer and more real than in any dream she'd had before. Was she now just dreaming that she'd be fighting a battle with her own personal demon, or was she, on some level in her mind, actually fighting this battle? If she lost, would the beast take control of her in reality again? _I don't know, but I can't take that risk. I must fight to win._

As Shizuru mused over the reality of the situation, her foe had decided to make the first strike. She charged at Shizuru, her naginata raised in preparation for a downward strike. Shizuru brought her own blade up as if to block it, but she knew from her own battle style that her double would be planning a feint and would drop her Naginata low at the last moment. As the figure reached her, Shizuru dropped her naginata at a moment precisely timed to strike the other blade in its path, forcing it into the ground and knocking her opponent off-balance.

But it didn't work out that way. Her opponent hadn't been intending a feint at all, and struck straight on her initial path. The blade cut into the handle of Shizuru's weapon, the force of the blow knocking Shizuru back off her feet. She rolled with the impact and used the handle of her naginata to vault back to her feet a good distance from her opponent. She quickly brought her blade to the ready in preparation for another attack, but her opponent wasn't engaging her this time.

Shizuru's double smirked. "You can't defeat me," she said. "All of your strength in battle comes from me. I know all of your tactics, and I have none of your pitiful inhibitions holding me back." She took two steps closer to Shizuru, who in turned back away a couple steps. "Why don't you just give in to me? Let me handle things from here, and I'll get Natsuki for you. She won't be able to stop me this time."

Shizuru felt anger flare through her at this. "Never," she said. She started to charge at her adversary, letting her rage fuel her strength. "I'll never let you hurt Natsuki again!" she yelled as she charged, striking at her foe right on Natsuki's name. The blow was blocked, but it was powerful enough to knock her double back, skidding across the floor.

As her double regained her stance, she smirked at Shizuru. "If you fight with your anger like that, what makes you so different from me?"

"Don't try to pull that with me," Shizuru said. "It's what I fight for, not how I fight, that puts me in the right here. There's nothing to stop me from using the strength of the beast inside me when I need it without succumbing to its desires."

The beast outside her chuckled at this. "There's plenty to stop you. Right now, there's me." She charged once more at Shizuru, her naginata poised for a downward strike as with her first attack. Shizuru raised her blade to block, not planning to drop it this time until she saw her foe's diverge from its line of attack. The attack came straight, and Shizuru's blade caught and deflected it, but her rival impossibly redirected its momentum mid-swing and threw the full force of it into Shizuru.

A move like that wouldn't have been possible in reality, but apparently Shizuru's rival was capable of breaking the rules of physics in this dreamscape. As Shizuru staggered from the hit, her enemy's naginata swept back around, slamming the end of the pole into her skull. Pain lanced through Shizuru's head as she lost grip of her own weapon and tumbled to the ground. _Dreams really shouldn't hurt this much…_

Shizuru rolled over and scrambled to get a hold of her weapon, but she froze when she felt the cold metal of her opponent's naginata at her throat. She shifted her gaze up to meet her rivals, finding herself staring into empty crimson orbs. "This ends now," the demon said, her face still a perfect mask.

Shizuru knew that it was over, but there was one last thing she could try to get out of this: She could try to wake up. She desperately fought to gain control of her physical body and force it to open its eyes, trying to elevate her consciousness back to it, but nothing came of the effort. She had no choice but to lose this battle and pray it didn't mean the loss of her soul again.

Shizuru watched as her foe's muscles tensed for a coup de grace and steeled herself for the blow. It didn't come. Instead, her attacker removed one hand from the weapon and brought it around to the back of her neck. When she brought it back to examine it, it was dripping blood. Shizuru thought she heard a high-pitched sound, just at the threshold of audibility, and the figure standing over her jolted.

Taking advantage of whatever was happening, Shizuru pushed away the blade of her foe's naginata and rose to her feet. As she did so, the knees of her opponent buckled and the naginata fell from her grasp. When she fell over, Natsuki was revealed to be standing behind her, her pistol still drawn and pointed at the fallen figure. "N-Natsuki?"

Natsuki looked up at Shizuru and smiled. "I know you wanted to fight this battle alone, but I couldn't let you lose. I hope you'll forgive me."

A smile burst out on Shizuru's face as she chuckled at this proclamation. After the stress of the battle, she didn't have the energy to hide her emotions anymore. "Of course, Natsuki. Thank you." She looked up into Natsuki's piercing green eyes and wanted to be pulled into them, to pull Natsuki into a deep kiss, but she contented herself with simply gazing at her.

This process of having to hold herself back triggered an unpleasant realization for Shizuru. "Natsuki," she said, dropping her gaze. "When I lost control of myself in the Carnival, it was because I thought I'd lost you. If that happens again, I won't be able to count on you to come to my rescue like you did this time."

"Yes you will," Natsuki said. "I'm not the real Natsuki, you know."

"Then what…?"

Natsuki walked over to Shizuru and planted her index finger on Shizuru's chest. "I'm the image of Natsuki you keep inside of you. I'm the part of you that knows how much it would hurt people for you to turn into that beast again. When Natsuki healed you in the Carnival, I was born. And as long as you have this part of you that needs to be subdued, I intend to stay right here."

Shizuru felt a blush rise to her cheeks, but made no attempt to hide it. "Thank you, Natsuki." She gripped the girl's wrist in her hand and moved it away, allowing her to move her body in and wrap Natsuki in a hug.

Shizuru stayed in that position for many minutes, basking in Natsuki's warmth. Eventually, she decided that she would be quite remiss if she didn't get one thing done while she was in the most realistic dream she'd ever had. "Natsuki," she said. "There's one little thing I've always dreamed about doing with you, and I was wondering if I could dream about it tonight, too?"

"Not a chance, Shizuru." Natsuki's tone might have been harsh, but she did relent and wrap her own arms around Shizuru.

Shizuru pouted and made her hug a little bit tighter. "It's my dream, can't I do whatever I want?"

"Yes, but what would Natsuki think if you were having impure dreams about her?"

"Who says Natsuki needs to know?" Using her left arm to keep Natsuki from moving away, Shizuru dropped her right arm down to the hem of Natsuki's shirt and slipped it around and inside. She found that little spot on Natsuki's back that she knew from helping Natsuki buy lingerie one day was especially sensitive and lightly stroked it with her finger.

"Shizuru…" Natsuki gasped, and though Shizuru couldn't see her face, she was pretty sure it would be bright red right now. "Don't make me wake you up…"

"Dream Natsuki is no fun," Shizuru said, feigning hurt in her voice. This didn't stop her from moving her hand farther up Natsuki's back, finding and deftly unhooking the clasp to her bra.

"Dammit, Shizuru…" Natsuki said, nearly breathless. "If you want Natsuki… go seduce her in real life first. And don't… say I didn't warn you…"

* * *

Shizuru's eyes shot open. _Dammit, Natsuki. Don't think this has saved you, though. I still have my daydreams.__But, I guess maybe you were right that the real Natsuki wouldn't appreciate it, so I'll give you a reprieve for now. Just don't think you're completely off the hook, I'll be back for you._

Shizuru rolled over and glanced at the clock beside her bed: 7:23 a.m. Probably about time she should be getting up anyways. She rolled out of bed and headed straight for the bathroom. She went through her usual morning routine on autopilot as her mind went over every detail of her dream. A resolution in it was enough to give her one thing she could do to fill up some time: writing an extra letter to Natsuki. She still had a lot of other free time she'd have to do something with.

As Shizuru sat down for breakfast, the image of the fearful faces of Haruka and Yukino in her dream flashed through her mind, and she was reminded that she'd promised Yukino to talk things over the previous day. Yukino wasn't the only one she'd hurt, though. Haruka deserved some resolution too, though she'd be a bit more difficult to handle. On that note, there was also Nao, who'd been hurt by Shizuru just as much.

_Alright, I've got a plan_. Shizuru got up from her table and fished around in the drawer of a nearby cabinet. Fortunately, her parents had thought to put in at least non-perishable supplies around the house, so she found a notepad and pen without much trouble. Bringing them back to the table, she set up a list with three names:

_Kikukawa Yukino_

_Suzushiro Haruka_

_Yuuki Nao_

Next to each name, she drew two small squares. Above one column of squares, she wrote "Forgiveness." Above the other, she wrote "Reparations." For each of these girls, she would do everything in her power to get their forgiveness, and on top of that, she would do whatever she could think of to make it up to them. Only when she was done with that would she let herself be at peace.

Shizuru checked her watch: 9:02 a.m. Yukino was a morning person, so she was probably up by now. Shizuru went to the phone and dialed her number.

Yukino picked up after two rings. "Hello, who's this?"

"Kikukawa-san? It's Fujino. I was wondering if you were free for lunch today?"


	4. Love's Shadow

**Japanese used in this chapter:**

_Temee _– An insulting honorific

**Author's Note: **And here we go, my first chapter from Natsuki's POV. I relate a lot better to Shizuru than Natsuki (part of the reason I focused the story on her), so let's hope I can manage to make this work out as well. Also, I'd like to apologize in advance if my update rate slows down. School/work is starting to wind up, so that'll be occupying a fair bit of my time now.

As always, much thanks to centauri2002 for staying up to 5:30 a.m. to beta this for me.

* * *

**Title:** What Dreams May Come

**Rating: **T

**Chapter 4:** Love's Shadow

* * *

_Ara, I had such an interesting dream last night, Natsuki. I was reliving that night during the Carnival when things first started to go really wrong with me, but this time I was able to go back and do it right. I didn't steal your first kiss this time, and I didn't end up killing Suzushiro-san. I even faced off with the darkness in my heart, and thanks to a timely rescue from a certain someone, I was able to subdue it._

_By the way, Natsuki, you were quite mean to me at the end of my dream. Why must you always be such a tease? I know you were enjoying how things were going, but you woke me up just as we were getting to the good part! I expect you to make up for this now, and I don't want to hear any excuses about how it was just in my dream that you were rude to me. As soon as I see that blush on your face that tells me you're reading this, expect for me to do to you everything I'd planned in the dream. No complaining either, because I intend to make sure you quite enjoy it._

_I'm going to cut this letter a bit shorter than usual, as I've got another special letter I want to write for you. This one I'll be delivering right away, so by the time you get to reading this you should already know what it was. Maybe I'll write a bit more in one of these letters when I'm done, though._

_With more love than anyone else could possibly give you,_

_Shizuru_

* * *

_Damn it._ It probably wasn't the best conclusion to come to after being up most of the night trying to sort her feelings out, but it was all Natsuki had. She wasn't really sure if it was more because she hadn't come to any conclusion over the night or because it was now past 10 a.m. and she'd managed less than two hours of sleep. Probably both. She'd been counting on her mind to sort itself out while she slept so she could wake up, feel and identify her feelings clear as day, and phone Shizuru to put her out of her misery.

Of course, the flaw in her plan was thinking that she'd actually be able to get to sleep. Instead, she'd spent most of the night awake, counting off every minute on the clock as her mind tried to make sense of anything and everything to do with Shizuru. She didn't remember counting any minutes between 2 and 3 a.m., so she might have actually gotten some sleep then.

She never really relaxed at that time, though. As best as she could remember, her thoughts had just drifted from wondering what the hell was that strange kind-of pain-like sensation that had flowed through her torso when Shizuru had kissed her last night (for around the sixth time) to thinking how nice it felt to be loved, and why couldn't she just be happy with this?

_Because it isn't fair to Shizuru, that's why,_ Natsuki told herself for around the fourth time since she'd gotten home. _Shizuru would probably never say anything, but it would be torture for her to always be so close and yet so far. And what if I ended up falling for someone else while she was still holding out for me? There's no way I could risk hurting her like that._

Natsuki rolled over and stared at her clock, watching as the time changed over to 10:07. This was pointless; she'd gone through this internal monologue many times already throughout the night, and it didn't seem likely she'd come to any other conclusion this time. She grunted with frustration and gave her pillow another punch as she pushed herself up. She idly mused that the pillow didn't deserve that kind of treatment; it had been quite good to her by providing her something to hug over the night, and she in turn used it to beat out her frustration.

As Natsuki stumbled over to her bathroom, she found herself wondering what it would be like if instead of the pillow, she had Shizuru to hug like that as she slept. _It might be nice, _she decided, feeling the telltale warmth in her cheeks that meant she was blushing yet again. _Does that mean I love her, though? Mikoto hugs Mai like that every night, and she doesn't think of Mai that way. Maybe it's alright just between friends. Then again, do I really know that Mikoto _doesn't _think of Mai that way?_

"Argh," Natsuki grunted as she reached the sink. "I have enough trouble with my own feelings, I am not going to get sidetracked trying to figure out Mikoto's!" She turned on the tap and brought her face low to splash ice-cold water onto it. Sadly, it didn't do much to help her feel any more awake; maybe that only worked if you'd actually gotten enough sleep.

Natsuki raised her gaze to look in her mirror, trying to gauge just how sleep-deprived she looked. Realizing that the sunlight seeping in from the crack in her blinds in the other room wouldn't be sufficient for this task, she groaned and flipped the lights on. As the room was illuminated, Natsuki felt like someone had slammed a sledgehammer into her head as her eyes struggled to adjust to the light.

As she experimented with opening her eyelids a crack to get the to adjust, Natsuki took a moment to assess the state of the rest of her body. It didn't take her long to come to the conclusion that it was universally bad. Every muscle and joint in her body seemed to have a light ache in it, and she just felt a general sense of malaise. On top of that, her throat felt sore and dry. She'd probably dehydrated herself overnight with her intermittent bursts of tears, which seemed to come up anytime she tried to dig deep into her feelings. It was as if every part of her body was in on a conspiracy to make this as difficult as possible for her.

Her eyes still struggling to open all the way, Natsuki felt around for her cup. Her fingers eventually finding it, she filled it up and took a deep swig of water. Her throat still hurt like hell, but at least it didn't feel as dry anymore. Natsuki then took a moment to try to stretch as much of her body as she could in hopes of easing some of the soreness. It didn't help much with that, but by the time she was through she was finally able to open her eyes without intense pain, and she took a chance to look over herself in the mirror.

Her first thought was that she currently had a face only Shizuru would be able to love, and even then it would take some effort. There were severe bags under her eyes, which really wasn't surprising considering how much she'd slept. Her face was so pale it was starting to look green, and her hair seemed to be doing its absolute best to defy gravity. Pretty much the only direction she didn't see strands of hair going was down.

_Well, at least I can do something about that problem,_ Natsuki thought as she turned to the shower and started the water. After waiting a minute for the water to warm up, Natsuki slipped off her pajamas and stepped in. As the warm water hit her body, she finally started to feel some relief from her full-body ache as her muscles loosened up. Natsuki sighed in relief and stood in the cascade for a few minutes, trying to relax as much as possible.

Of course, this had the side effect of giving her mind a chance to wander, and it had the bad sense to wander right back into the emotional minefield of Natsuki's feelings for Shizuru. The first step into this minefield was the innocuous wondering of what Shizuru was up to now. _I really hope she isn't dwelling on me and still worrying about what I'll figure out,_ Natsuki thought. _Though I wouldn't be surprised if she was._

Natsuki slumped against the wall and leaned her head into it. _Idiot! Why the hell did I have to do this to her? I should never have told her I was thinking about this; it's just going to torture her until I come up with an answer, and if it isn't the answer she wants, it's going to hurt her even more._

Natsuki turned around and leaned back against the wall, making sure to properly slam her head back against it. _Of course, my original plan wouldn't have forced me to tell her this. I wanted to just go off on a trip somewhere for a while, alone. I wouldn't have had to explain anything to Shizuru, and I could have taken all the time I needed to think in peace. But no, Sakomizu-temee has to make me take summer classes under threat of holding me back in school, leaving me no choice but to explain to Shizuru why I needed time away from her._

_Bah, this is useless. I might be able to think more clearly without Shizuru around, but all I can clearly see is that I have __("no")__idea what love is or if I feel it and that I'd rather she were around. _Natsuki let out a sigh. She was just wasting water staying in here; she could mope later. Besides, she could use a distraction from her thoughts.

Natsuki finished up showering and got herself as cleaned up as she could, managing to keep herself distracted for the most part. After she got dressed, she headed to the kitchen to grab some breakfast, but paused when she saw the clock on the microwave taunting her with its display of 11:15. Breakfast was a loss at this point, as anything she had now would qualify as lunch.

Instinct grabbed a hold of Natsuki now, as she grabbed her phone and started dialing. She'd had enough of not knowing what the hell love was supposed to feel like, and didn't have it in her to resist the first possible solution to come to mind. The back of her mind tried to point out to her that she definitely wouldn't be enjoying all the explaining she'd have to do, but she was beyond caring.

Natsuki waited through four rings before she was finally answered by what sounded like an exhausted Mai. "Good morning, Natsuki," she said. "Sorry, but Mikoto always leaves my phone in the strangest places after she uses it. This time it was in the back of the fridge, if you can believe it!"

Natsuki smiled despite herself. It was nice to hear that some things never changed. "That's okay, Mai. I was wondering, did you have any plans for lunch?"

"Okay, who are you and what have you done with Natsuki?" When Mai received an annoyed growl in response, she relented, "Alright, there's the Natsuki I know. Now, I was just making lunch for myself and Mikoto, but it's not too late to make enough for you as well. You come over now, and I won't take no for an answer!"

"Thank you, Mai," Natsuki said, not bothering to hold back a chuckle. "I'll be right over."

* * *

"Natsuki!? Are you alright?" Mai exclaimed upon opening the door for the other girl.

Natsuki dropped her eyebrows and gave Mai her patented death glare. _This is not what I need today._ "I didn't sleep well last night, that's all. You don't have to act like I'm dying," she said.

Mai pouted. "I was just worrying about my friend, who happens to look like her heart has stopped pumping blood north of the neck." Natsuki rolled her eyes and spared Mai from her glare. "That's better, now come in. Lunch is on the table, and don't chew out Mikoto if she says the same thing I did."

Mai turned around and led Natsuki into her dorm. The table was already set and covered with a vast array of sandwiches, at least half of which had already been staked out by Mikoto. "Sandwiches, Mai? It seems a little mundane for a cook like you," Natsuki said.

"Everything Mai makes is good!" Mikoto protested through a half-full mouth. "But she won't let me eat those sandwiches in the corner. Says only Natsuki could stomach them."

Natsuki shifted an inquiring gaze towards Mai, who refused to let any clues to her intentions sneak through her façade. "I don't make a gourmet meal for every lunch," Mai said. "Now eat first, and then you can complain about my cooking if you still feel it's necessary."

Rolling her eyes, Natsuki took a seat near the sandwiches that Mikoto had previously pointed out to her. She picked up the nearest one and took a preliminary, cautious bite. Her worries over what Mai had planned for her faded as her eyes widened in delight and she proceeded to devour the rest of the sandwich.

Mai chuckled at this display as she took her own seat. "You're almost as easy to cook for as Mikoto, Natsuki. As long as it's at least one quarter mayonnaise, you'll love it. I really need to find some pickier eaters if I'm ever going to improve my cooking."

_Okay, now this is just what I needed! _Natsuki thought as she gulped down the last bite of the sandwich. Before proceeding on to her second sandwich, Natsuki gasped out a quick but heartfelt, "Thank you, Mai," and then she dug in again. Little more was said throughout the rest of lunch, as Mai was the only one eating at slow enough of a pace to actually say anything, and she thus had no one left to talk to.

After Mai had eaten the last sandwich, Natsuki was suddenly painfully aware of her discomfort with having to explain the situation to her, now that she no longer had an excuse to not be talking. Mai would have easily figured out that something was up from Natsuki's phone call earlier, and she would be expecting Natsuki to explain it to her. As Natsuki felt a gaze boring into her and turned to see Mikoto staring at her, she realized that she now had another complication to deal with.

"Natsuki looks pale," Mikoto said. Apparently she had been too focused on her food to take any notice of Natsuki beyond her simple presence before this point. Not sure what to say in response, Natsuki just met Mikoto's gaze and tried to abide by Mai's wishes and not start glaring at the girl.

Mai fortunately noticed the tense situation and broke it up by saying, "Alright, now you two have to help me clear the table. I made all the food, so it's the least you can do." Natsuki gave Mai a quick thankful glance and got up to help. It wouldn't take long to do with all three of them pitching in, but it was a temporary reprieve at least. It turned out that wasn't all Mai had in mind, though, as when they were done she remarked, "Hey, Mikoto. It's quite nice out today, and I believe Reito-san is free. Sounds like a good opportunity to catch up on brother-sister bonding if you ask me."

Mikoto's eyes opened wide and her face beamed at this idea. "Yes!" she said excitedly. Mikoto didn't even bother to say goodbye to Mai and Natsuki as she quickly slipped on a pair of shoes and ran out the door. Natsuki gave Mai another grateful glance as she walked over to close the door behind Mikoto.

When Natsuki came back, she found that Mai had already taken a seat. Mai motioned for Natsuki to take a seat too, and Natsuki obliged. Natsuki realized that she wouldn't be able to put off explaining the situation to Mai any longer, but she couldn't muster up the courage to broach the subject. After a few minutes of making no progress in anything other than avoiding Mai's gaze, eventually the other's girl's patience was exhausted. "Alright, Natsuki, tell me what's going on. You're obviously worrying yourself sick."

Natsuki felt a slight blush rise to her cheeks, flattered by Mai's intuition and concern. She took a deep breath and let the words flow out, being sure to keep her gaze as far from Mai's face as possible. "There's… this person," she said, "who's in love with me… and I have no idea what my own feelings are." Natsuki bit her lip as she pondered over whether she should tell Mai who it was. Mai had never revealed her opinions, if she had any, on homosexuality, and though Natsuki suspected her friend would support her regardless, it was still embarrassing.

"I'm pretty sure you're not in love with Takeda-kun, Natsuki," Mai said. Natsuki turned her head sharply to glare at her, and found a huge smile plastered across Mai's face. "I knew that would get you to look at me. But seriously, I know a lot of boys have asked you out, but I've never known you to give any of them a second look. What's different about this one?"

_Damn it. Please don't make this harder than it is, Mai._ "It's not a boy," Natsuki mumbled as she dropped her gaze from Mai's face. She knew Mai wouldn't be able to hear her, but it was easier to get it out that way, and then easier to say it clearly the second time.

But Mai didn't ask her to repeat herself. After Natsuki relented and looked up at her, the silence more torturous than the prospect of making her proclamation again, the look on Mai's face told Natsuki that the other girl had heard her clearly enough. Fortunately, it was simply a look of surprise, and Natsuki didn't detect any reproach from her friend. The surprise soon faded into thoughtfulness, though, and it didn't take long for Mai to come to the only possible conclusion. "Kaichou-san?" she asked.

Natsuki dropped her gaze away from Mai again. "She's not the Kaichou anymore," she said, silently cursing herself for the lame reply. At least Mai wasn't being judgmental though; that was one problem she definitely didn't need on top of her other issues.

"Er, well, then are you a… uh, into girls, Natsuki?" Mai asked after an uncomfortable silence.

Natsuki groaned and buried her face into the armrest of her chair, trying to hide the blush that was forming. "I don't even know that," she said into the armrest, though Mai would probably understand her, given how she'd previously decoded Natsuki's mumbles.

Natsuki heard Mai's footsteps coming towards her, but she made no move to look up. When the footsteps stopped, Natsuki felt Mai's arms wrap around her and Mai's body pressing up against hers. It was nice and comforting, but Natsuki couldn't help but compare it to the hug Shizuru had given her the previous night. Something was different in that hug. Was it Shizuru's love for her that made it different? But could Shizuru's feelings alone be responsible for the reactions Natsuki had felt, such as that weird feeling in her stomach?

As her thoughts drifted back to the embrace from the previous night, Natsuki felt her emotions get the better of her again. When her train of thought reached the kiss Shizuru had given her, Natsuki felt tears start to leak out of her eyes. Embarrassed to lose control in front of Mai, Natsuki shrugged her way out of the hug and wiped away the tears, hoping that Mai wouldn't figure out what she was doing.

Mai backed away from her and sat down on the floor. Natsuki hoped that she hadn't offended her friend, but Mai gave no indication of it if she had. "You care for Fujino-san a lot, don't you Natsuki?" Natsuki nodded at this, unable to think of anything more to say. Mai sighed and continued, "I'm really sorry I can't help you more. With Yuuichi, I was never really friends with him, so I knew that what I felt for him had to be love."

Natsuki sighed. So there was no point to this after all. "I'm sorry Mai, I shouldn't have burdened you with my problems."

"Idiot!" Mai said, slapping Natsuki's shoulder. Natsuki turned to her in surprise. "What do you think friends are for?"

Natsuki let out a slight chuckle at her own behavior. "Thank you, Mai," she said.

"I do have one piece of advice, though," Mai said. "Try to figure out simply if you can actually be in love with a girl; leave Fujino-san out of the equation if you have to in order to think clearly. If you find that you can, then go for it with her and stop thinking so hard about your feelings and just feel."

Natsuki nodded her head slightly as she thought about this. It made some sense, though even if she could fall for a girl, Natsuki wasn't sure if she'd ever be able to open her heart up enough to love anyone. But still, it was something she could do to bring herself closer to an answer. "Alright Mai, just… how am I supposed to figure that out?"

"I wish I could say," Mai said. "I always kind of just knew I was into guys. If I can think of anything, I'll let you know."

"Thanks, Mai," Natsuki said. She sighed and got up, stretching out the muscles that had gotten sore from her awkward posture. _Nothing's ever easy…_

Mai stood up as well and gave Natsuki another quick hug. "Now you go and rest. You look like hell."

"Yes, Mai," Natsuki grumbled as she headed to the door. As she reached it, one last thing occurred to her. "Mai? Please don't tell anyone about this, okay?"

Mai chuckled. "Of course not, Natsuki." Natsuki turned back to door. As she opened it, she heard Mai say, "And good luck, Natsuki. I hope you can learn to love her."

Natsuki nodded and headed out. _Me too,_ she decided.


	5. Masquerade

**Author's Note: **Time to spend a bit more focus on the Shizuru's Redemption subplot. I know it's not what most of you came here for, but I will promise you two things: 1. This plot will tie with the Shiznat storyline before too long, and 2. Shiznat interaction next chapter (and no, I'm not talking about another dream sequence).

* * *

**Title:** What Dreams May Come

**Rating: **T

**Chapter 5:** Masquerade

* * *

_Okay, Natsuki, that special letter's done now. I'll try to drop by your dorm sometime soon to drop it off. I know you said you wanted some time away from me, but I got to thinking recently about whether that was really the best thing for you. I'm just planning on a short visit now, but hopefully it will let me judge how you're doing. Ara, who am I kidding? I miss you, Natsuki, and I want to see you again, even if just for a bit. I hope you won't be mad at me for this._

_You know, Natsuki, I've been thinking a lot about what you might decide, trying to figure out on my own what's your most likely decision. Maybe it's just me being hopeful, but I've actually come to believe that you'll indeed decide that you can love me how I love you. Simply the fact that you think now it might be a possibility was a big clue for me. It seems to me to be just what would happen if you were capable of loving me, and are just now struggling to open up your heart._

_Also, how you reacted when I kissed you last night was very encouraging, too. You knew the emotions that were behind the kiss, and you didn't mind it at all. I didn't feel you tensing up or backing away from it; you just blushed when it landed. Did you feel any sensations you didn't know how to describe during it, maybe as if your heart were fluttering in your chest? If you did, as I dearly hope, then all you need to do is connect the dots in your mind to realize that you already love me._

_With a heart that flutters whenever you're around,_

_Shizuru_

* * *

Shizuru took a deep breath to steady herself and made sure her graceful mask was firmly in place. She realized that she was probably going to have to open herself up to Yukino a bit today, but it wouldn't do to overwhelm her too soon. She raised her hand to the door and knocked out three precise beats, just loud enough to be sure Yukino heard them. 

Shizuru heard Yukino's footsteps beyond the door as the other girl approached. The door didn't open immediately after the footsteps stopped, though. Presumably Yukino also needed a last moment to steady herself before seeing Shizuru. It wasn't an encouraging sign, but it was to be expected.

When Yukino opened the door, however, her face bore a mask that made Shizuru proud of her successor. If Shizuru hadn't known that Yukino would be nervous as hell, she never would have guessed it. "Thank you for coming, Fujino-san," Yukino said as she gestured for Shizuru to enter. "I've brewed some tea for you; I hope it's up to your standards."

Shizuru felt another twinge of pride for Yukino's ability to put up a pleasant mask. If she were to keep this up around students, she had the potential to become as popular a president as Shizuru was. Possibly even more so, as people were never afraid to approach Yukino on an informal level. "Thank you, Kaichou-san," Shizuru said, widening her smile slightly. "I'm sure your tea will be more than fine."

Yukino nodded her head and moved aside to allow Shizuru in. Shizuru thought she saw a flash of discomfort sneak past Yukino's mask, and the reason became apparent with Yukino's next words. "Please, Fujino-san. There's no need to be so formal here."

Shizuru had built up quite a reputation in high school for being a master of intricate plans to get her way. To an extent, this was true, but a big part of the secret was in her ability to improvise and make it look like whatever happened was her plan all along. Spotting an opening to loosen up the situation here, she took it. "Very well then, Yukino-san, if you'll address me as 'Shizuru.'"

Yukino's eyes widened in surprise, and it took her a moment to reform her mask. To make sure the other girl didn't feel too bad about her slip, Shizuru let out a light chuckle and widened her smile more than her mask normally allowed, letting Yukino know that it would be alright to open up here. In response, a smile formed on Yukino's face as well, and a slight blush rose to her cheeks. "Alright then… Shizuru-san."

"So," Shizuru said, shifting her expression into "mischievous" mode. "Where's that tea you promised me?"

Yukino let out a chuckle, and Shizuru allowed herself a moment of pride for defusing the tension. "I've got a kettle brewed in the kitchen. Follow me," she said as she led Shizuru to the kitchen. She started to pour out cups for Shizuru and herself. "I'm not sure if it's your type, though."

"Why are you so nervous about the tea, Yukino? I'm sure it will be fine," Shizuru said. She took a sip in order to prove her point, only to have her eyes widen in surprise as she encountered a taste unlike any tea she'd previously had.

"I see Haruka-chan was right," Yukino said as she saw Shizuru's surprise, biting her lip nervously.

"Hmm?" Shizuru swished the tea around in her mouth to try to absorb all the taste. It had been quite a while since she'd tried a new type of tea, and she relished the experience of trying to identify every flavor contained in it.

"Well, Haruka-chan is actually quite a tea drinker, but when you became so known for it, she kind of resented being compared to you whenever she had a cup of tea."

_Let's see, there's a touch of lemon there, that's for sure. And some orange, too; that seems to be the primary taste, though something's a bit off._ The taste of her first sip faded, Shizuru went to take another. She caught Yukino's gaze on her path to the cup, and realized that she might have given the girl the wrong impression. "Not bad," she said, and took a second sip.

An expression of relief spread across Yukino's face. Apparently she'd decided to give up maintaining her mask, and Shizuru briefly wondered if she should do the same. Maybe a little. "So anyways," Yukino said, "Haruka-chan wanted to stop being constantly compared to you, but she didn't want to give up tea. After watching you for a while, she stumbled upon an idea when she realized that you only ever drank Japanese teas."

_Aha, so it's probably not Japanese then. That would explain it. I guess I really should branch out more if there are such good international teas out there. I'll have to thank Suzushiro-san sometime. Hmm, maybe I really should have tried to get to know her better in high school, but she just never seemed like my type. I guess that's not much of an excuse, though._

"Haruka-chan went on a big international tea-drinking binge for a while, trying to find something she liked. Eventually, she decided that she liked British tea best, so she stuck with that." As Yukino finished her explanation, she blew across the surface of her own cup and took a sip of her own.

Shizuru swallowed her second mouthful and said, "I can see why Suzushiro-san likes this. What's this called?"

"Lady Grey," Yukino said after swallowing. "It's Haruka-chan's favorite, so I always keep some around for her."

"Ah, thank you. I might just have to pick some up for myself," Shizuru said. _Not the least so I can check the ingredients and figure out what that weird orange-like taste is._

Yukino's eyes widened in what looked like fear. "But… Haruka-chan!" she said. "Then what'll she drink?"

"Ara, well I maybe I'll just drink it at home," Shizuru said. "But I would like to patch things up with Suzushiro-san as well, so maybe we won't have to be tea rivals forever."

Yukino chuckled. "Shizuru-san and Haruka-chan working together? I'll believe it when I see it."

"Indeed," Shizuru said, as she let out a mental sigh. _I guess it's as good a way to broach the subject as I can hope to get._ She dropped the smile from her expression and let her regret show through. "But I really would like to patch things up with her. I did a horrible thing to the two of you during the Carnival, and I really need to make amends for it."

At the change in subject, the smile on Yukino's face dropped in an instant and she broke eye contact with Shizuru. "Right," she said. "That's why you came, isn't it?"

Shizuru nodded, but Yukino didn't seem to notice. "Yes," she said. "Would you like to sit down?"

"I think that would be best," Yukino said. "Um, well, we can sit at the table here, if you'd like, or there are some comfier chairs in the other room."

"Here's fine," Shizuru said, pulling out a chair nearby and taking a seat. "Closer to the tea." Yukino gave a half-hearted smile at Shizuru's joke and took her own seat.

Shizuru wasn't sure how to best continue their discussion, and so she and Yukino remained silent for many minutes as they sipped their tea. As the silence grew increasingly uncomfortable, Shizuru broke it by saying the only thing she could think of, "I'm sorry, Yukino-san."

Her apology was met by a stiff nod from Yukino. "We all did things then that we regret now," she said. "With all the stress of the situation, where we were told that we were fated to defeat each other, lest the world end, not to mention the Obsidian Lord and Nagi actively trying to provoke us into fighting each other and the HiME star amplifying our negative emotions, it's no wonder things went so wrong."

_You're the one trying to make me feel better about this, Yukino-san? You certainly are stronger than I ever gave you credit for before this all happened._ "Thank you, Yukino-san," Shizuru said. "But I can't blame my actions on all of that. Other HiME, like you, were able to resist it. In the end, I made the choice myself, and that's something I have to live with." Shizuru felt her mask weakening as her regret threatened to overwhelm her. She relented a little and let her emotions show through a little; it was probably better in this situation anyway.

"That's not true," Yukino said. The sound of her voice cracking as she said this drew Shizuru's attention away from her own struggle to hold in her emotions, and she realized that Yukino was barely holding back tears herself. "Earlier in the Carnival, I received a message on my phone. It told me to kill Mai-san or else the sender would kill Haruka-chan."

Yukino choked back a sob. Seeing the girl in pain like this brought back painful memories in Shizuru of the night she'd killed Haruka. She reached out and grasped Yukino's hand, which had been threatening to shatter her teacup. She then met it with her other hand and lightly patted it, trying to comfort Yukino as best as she could.

Yukino looked up at Shizuru and gave a weak smile. After a moment and a deep breath, she continued her story. "It was the worst decision I'd ever faced in my life. If I didn't attack Mai, I'd lose Haruka-chan. But if I did attack her, I'd be betraying everything Haruka-chan believed in, plus killing Takumi-kun and devastating Mai-san."

Tears leaked from Yukino's eyes. She'd probably told no one about this before, and it felt kind of weird for Shizuru to be the first one she told. "In the end, I made the same decision you did. I attacked Mai-san to protect Haruka-chan, even though I was betraying her by doing so. If Mikoto-chan hadn't stopped me, I would have killed Mai-san. And then, despite that, Mai-san still stopped Mikoto-chan from killing me.

"Mai-san was so strong then. She tried to hold us together as much as she could, but it would no use. And later, after Takumi-kun died, even Mai-san herself lost control and attacked Mikoto-chan." A fire seemed to surge within Yukino's eyes as she said this, and a determined look crossed her face. She brought her other hand up to meet Shizuru's hands, trying to support her in turn. "You see, Shizuru-san? It wasn't just you. We all snapped at one point and attacked each other for the sake of our loved ones. The only difference is that you succeeded and actually defeated me and Nao-san."

Shizuru closed her eyes to hold back the tears that she knew were waiting to get out, trying to preserve as much of her façade as possible. "Thank you, Yukino-san." After a steadying breath, she risked opening eyes so that she could make eye contact with the other girl and let a small smile spread across her face. "I came here with the intent of convincing you to forgive me, Yukino-san, but here you are trying to convince me I'm worthy of forgiveness. Thank you."

Yukino brought their clasped hands up to her lips and gave Shizuru's right hand a light kiss. "You're welcome, Shizuru-san. And I do forgive you, don't worry."

They stayed in that position for a few more minutes, but eventually the temptation got to be too much for Shizuru. She lightly extracted her hands from Yukino's grasp and returned them to her teacup to take another sip. After enjoying the delightful new taste, she remarked, "Ara, we should have these tea parties more often. Maybe we could even get Suzushiro-san to join us."

"Heh," Yukino took the opportunity to take another sip from her own cup. "I don't know, having you and Haruka-chan together sounds like a recipe for some pretty sour tea."

"Ara, I have a few ideas of how to patch things up with Suzushiro-san, but we don't have to worry about that now, I guess." Shizuru took another sip of her tea and remarked to herself that Haruka had quite good taste. There might be a way to get through to her with that, but it would take a bit more planning. But before then, there was one other subject Shizuru had wanted to bring up with Yukino. Perhaps it could give her a way to make reparations with the girl. "By the way, how are things going between you and Suzushiro-san?"

"Well, it's going to be a bit tough now that we aren't going to the same school anymore," Yukino said. She appeared to be a bit confused as to why Shizuru was inquiring about this particular subject, but she made no mention of it. "We've always been together since we met. We're going to make an effort though to keep in contact, so once I get into university we can pick up right where we left off."

"That's not quite what I meant," Shizuru said. As she took another sip of her tea, she noticed that the cup was running low. She poured herself another cup and asked Yukino, "How are you doing for tea?"

"I'm good, thanks," Yukino said, her brow still knitted in confusion over Shizuru's previous statement. "So, um, what did you mean?"

"Ara, Yukino, I'm talking about how you really feel about Suzushiro-san," Shizuru said, carefully placing a knowing glint in her eyes. "I know I was acting like a monster when I said it during the Carnival, but I still believe my assessment was correct. The way you look at Suzushiro-san is something I know well, and it's not simple admiration or friendship."

Yukino seemed to recoil from this suggestion, and her cheeks were flushed red. As she didn't seem likely to say anything right away, Shizuru reassured her. "It's nothing to be ashamed about, Yukino; we can't control our feelings." Yukino gave a stiff nod, and Shizuru knew that she was on the right track. "You mentioned that night that you weren't like me, but you were just referring to the fact that you'd never betrayed your friendship with Suzushiro-san to act on your feelings, weren't you?" Another stiff nod.

Yukino still seemed to be paralyzed, perhaps from uncertainty, maybe embarrassment. Shizuru decided to take another tact to get her to open up, by shifting the subject away to see how she'd react. It was also a good chance to clear the air over one last issue between her and Yukino. "By the way, Yukino," Shizuru said. "I'm not sure what you thought you saw me do to Natsuki, but that kiss was the only time I ever betrayed her."

Yukino started to blink rapidly in confusion, trying to process the subject change. Eventually, she said, "But… I saw you lie down with her… on top of her."

_Ah, so that's it._ "Don't tell her I told you this," Shizuru said, "but Natsuki has nightmares. That time was particularly bad for her, and I'd often see her thrashing and moaning in her sleep. I couldn't bear to see her like that, so I did whatever I could to settle her down. Sometimes just putting my hand on her shoulder and talking soothing words to her was enough. Other times I gave her a hug, and you must have seen one of those."

"Ah, okay then," Yukino said. She seemed to have loosened up a bit.

"The point is, Yukino-san," Shizuru said, pressing her opportunity to get back on track. "Natsuki forgave me for taking advantage of her. She even decided that she was happy about the way I felt about her, and right now she's trying to figure out if she can feel the same way. Suzushiro-san is a good person, and I know she cares about you more than anything else. She might be able to return your feelings, but you'll never know if you don't give her the chance. Even if she can't, I'm sure she'll accept them as Natsuki has mine."

Yukino had started slowly nodding her head midway through Shizuru's speech, which had encouraged Shizuru to continue. After Shizuru finished, Yukino nodded for a few more seconds and then said, "Alright, Shizuru-san. I'll think about it, okay?"

Shizuru let her smile widen in pride for the younger girl. "Don't think too long, Yukino-san. It will be a lot harder to start a relationship once you and Suzushiro-san are back in school. This summer is the best chance you'll get."

"Yeah," Yukino said. "And Haruka-chan will probably need time to think about it, too."

"Ara, so you'll tell her then?"

Yukino sighed. "Maybe. I still want to think about it a bit, and figure out the best way if I decide to."

Shizuru gave Yukino her most gracious smile. "You can feel free to talk to me about this, Yukino-san, if you're having trouble deciding."

Yukino nodded. "Thank you, Shizuru-san." Yukino took a deep sip of her tea and let out a sigh. "I'm really sorry, Shizuru-san, but if you don't mind, I'd like to think about this on my own for a bit."

"Of course, Yukino-san," Shizuru said. She took a deep sip of her own to finish up her cup of tea and then stood up from the table. "I hope you'll make the right decision. Suzushiro would have to be quite a fool to reject you."

A deep blush spread through Yukino's face, and the sight reminded Shizuru of the blushes she always tried to induce in Natsuki. "Thank you, Shizuru-san." Shizuru nodded and smiled at Yukino. She walked by the girl on her way out and gave her a comforting pat on the shoulder.

As Shizuru left Yukino's dorm, she pulled her cell phone out of her purse and switched it back on. Her heart sank when she saw the display flashing that she'd missed a call from Natsuki, but she decided to try to be hopeful that Natsuki wanted to talk to her now rather than regretful that she'd missed the call. _Well, no point waiting any longer,_ she decided as she hit the speed-dial for Natsuki.

The phone was picked up after three rings, but it wasn't Natsuki who answered. "Ah, hello Fujino-san," Mai answered.

"Ara? What are you doing answering Natsuki's phone, Tokiha-san?" Shizuru asked.

"Well, that's what I was going to call you about earlier," Mai said. "Natsuki came to visit me earlier, and she was looking pretty crappy, but said it was just a lack of sleep. I came by to check up on her a bit later, as I didn't quite believe that sleep deprivation could make her look quite that bad. It turns out I was right, as I found her passed out on her bed running a high fever."

_Natsuki… _Shizuru's heart froze in her chest at the thought of Natsuki being sick and in pain. She'd seen Natsuki like that before, and the sight had nearly torn her heart apart.

"I'm pretty sure she's got a flu," Mai said. "So as long as we take good care of her, there shouldn't be too much to worry about. But she is going to be pretty out of it for a week or so. I figured you'd want to know about this, and seeing you might help cheer her up when she comes to."

"Ara, thank you, Tokiha-san," Shizuru said. "I'll be right over there." Shizuru flipped her phone closed and started walking as quickly as she could to Natsuki's dorm without looking like she was in a panic.

_Ara, please be alright, Natsuki. I'm coming to take care of you now. I know you wanted time apart from me, but this really isn't the time to be worrying about that._

Shizuru paused in her step to take a deep breath to steady herself, and she reassured herself that Natsuki would be fine. It was just a flu after all. Natsuki had suffered through a flu before and survived, she could do it again. She was strong; it was one of the things Shizuru loved most about her. Natsuki would be alright, but that didn't mean Shizuru wasn't going to be there for her.

* * *

**Author's note: **For anyone curious about the ingredients to Lady Grey which Shizuru was trying to figure out, it's made from oil of bergamot for the primary taste, plus flavored with lemon peel and orange peel.

And don't worry, Natsuki's going to be just fine with Shizuru there to take care of her. Whether Shizuru will be fine is another matter…


	6. Anything for You

**Japanese in this chapter:**

_Negi _– A type of onion, also known as scallion, Welsh onion, green onion, spring onion… Contrary to what you may have heard, it's not a leek; that's a different species. Why the all the onion talk? So people who've listened to/read the script of the Drama CDs can guess what's coming and let their minds run rampant.

**Author's Note: **As promised, here's some fluffy Shiznat interaction for you guys. Sorry I had to give Natsuki the flu to bring it about, but I think this experience will be suitably illuminating for her that she'll eventually come to appreciate it. This chapter is a fair bit more humorous than the previous ones, but we can't be angsty all the time, now can we?

Thank you very much to everyone who reviewed; I'm glad to see you're all enjoying reading this as much as I am writing it. Also, a little reply to spyder's review here, since s/he didn't leave an e-mail address to use: Shizuru was tempted by the tea, not Yukino ;).

Also, much thanks to centauri2002 for her betaing and advice. Also more thanks which I forgot to give her for the last chapter (if I can ever find that time machine, I'll be sure to go and slap my past self for that one).

* * *

**Title:** What Dreams May Come 

**Rating: **T (bordering on M for this chapter)

**Chapter 6: **Anything for You**  
**

* * *

_Ara, Natsuki, you're so beautiful when you sleep. Well, you're beautiful when you're awake too, but when you're asleep there's just something so precious about you that I can't help but adore. And it was this sight that I couldn't resist, and which led to me stealing a kiss from you. Even right now, it's hard to resist the urge to kiss those beautiful lips of yours once more. How would you react if I did, I wonder? You probably wouldn't be as upset as you were back then, though you'd surely be disappointed in me. I dream of the day, though, when you'd welcome a wake-up kiss from me, or even when I could get one from you._

_Seeing you sick like this brings back memories of another betrayal of mine, too, though you probably don't think of it that way. It was when you'd caught a cold after your adorable hitchhiking escapade. At one point, your fever took a sharp turn for the worse, and Midori-chan proposed to use a folk cure involving a negi and Natsuki's adorable rear end. I knew there was no chance of it working, and if I were a true friend to you I could have stopped it and saved you the pain._

_But I wasn't your friend then. I was the girl who was desperately in love with you but had no chance of you loving her in return. And so I took advantage of you. It wasn't the first time, and it wasn't the last. I not only supported the idea, I inserted the negi by my own hand, just for the chance to touch you where I'd otherwise never be able to. I did enjoy myself at first, but as soon as I saw your face contort in pain I felt my heart throb in my chest. It hurt me dearly to know I'd caused you pain like that, all for my selfish pleasure._

_I know you've forgiven me for loving you, but I don't know if you've forgiven me for everything I've done because of that love. I'm going to do everything I can to make up for it, so hopefully one day you will._

_Ara ara, Natsuki, nightmares again? Well, I know how to help with that. There we go, all better and sleeping peacefully now. You have no idea how nice it makes me feel to know that my hugs can ease your suffering like that, Natsuki. I can almost believe that you love me and feel safe in my arms. Maybe someday you actually will, but until then I can comfort you in both your dreams and mine._

_Your devoted protector,_

_Shizuru_

* * *

Shizuru folded up the letter and slipped it into her purse. It might be humorous to see how Natsuki would react if she found a letter like that left lying around in her dorm, but it wouldn't be worth it. If Natsuki saw the full depth of Shizuru's feelings, it would just put too much pressure on her. _And I'm not sure if I'd be comfortable revealing that much of myself to her in any case… Well, at least right now. _A smile slowly spread across Shizuru's face as her mind drifted to a possible future between her and Natsuki, in which she could share everything without fear of repercussion. 

For a moment, Shizuru was surprised with herself for so casually dropping her mask in front of Natsuki. Granted, the other girl was sleeping, but her instincts would usually kick in to keep it up just in case. After some consideration, Shizuru decided that it was most likely due to the fact that she'd been imagining a scenario in which she wouldn't have to worry about her mask, so she'd inadvertently let it drop in the present. Maybe that wasn't so bad, though. Even if Natsuki accepted her feelings, it would take Shizuru some work to be able to comfortably open up with her. Maybe a little practice ahead of time would do her good.

With an effort to suppress her instincts and keep her mask off, Shizuru pushed back her chair and got up from the desk. After stretching out her muscles, Shizuru let her gaze drift to the form of Natsuki. Even pale-faced and with an icepack on her head to cool her fever, Natsuki was still the most beautiful sight Shizuru could imagine. As her face relaxed into an expression of adoration, Shizuru felt a strange sensation of freedom. It felt good to let her emotions show through. Maybe it wouldn't be so hard to get used to this after all.

Replacing the chair under the desk, Shizuru walked over to Natsuki's bed and sat down on the edge of it. The position gave her a perfect view of Natsuki and left her in the perfect position to pat or hug her should nightmares suddenly strike the girl. _Ara, who needs an excuse?_ Shizuru thought as she reached out her hand to Natsuki's shoulder. She proceeded to slowly drag her fingers downwards along the back of Natsuki's arm.

The gesture seemed to provoke a response in Natsuki, as she rolled over towards Shizuru, burying the arm that Shizuru had stroked under her body. Smiling mischievously, Shizuru moved her hand over to Natsuki's other arm, which was now on top of her body and in the perfect place for another gentle stroke. As Shizuru started stroking this one, Natsuki rolled away from her and onto her back, a blush starting to form in her face.

Shizuru giggled at Natsuki's reaction; even in her sleep she was able to bring a blush to the girl's face. Maybe Natsuki even heard Shizuru's giggle, as she seemed to react to it by mumbling, "Shizuru…" in her sleep. The sound of her voice drew Shizuru's eyes up to Natsuki's face, and she noticed that the girl was actually smiling. Shizuru felt a pleasant warmth fill her chest as she realized the implications of this smile. _I knew you secretly enjoyed my teasing, Natsuki, and with that smile, you've just earned yourself a lifetime of it._

Shizuru smiled to herself at the realization. She gave Natsuki's shoulder one more pat and decided to give the girl a little break. It wasn't quite fair to tease her too much in her sleep; she deserved a chance to defend herself at the least. As Shizuru's gaze lifted from Natsuki, it fell onto the small table beside her bed and the only piece of ornamentation present in all of Natsuki's dorm: A picture of her and Shizuru, taken only last night at the karaoke party and already framed.

The warmth in Shizuru's chest intensified and she felt her heart flutter as she thought about what the picture meant. Natsuki had only moved into this dorm room a few days ago, deciding that if she wasn't going to be spending much more time searching for information in lowbrow neighborhoods there wasn't much point in keeping an apartment there, and this picture was the first ornament she'd set up.

Beyond that, the position they were in in the picture was quite sweet. Early in the party, Shizuru had surprised Natsuki with a hug from behind and had snuggled up to her with her head on Natsuki's shoulder. She'd been surprised and embarrassed at first, of course, but after a moment she'd relaxed into it. Chie had snapped a picture of them at that point. Near the end of the party, after Chie had stepped out to print the pictures she'd taken, she gave that one back to Natsuki. Natsuki had then quickly looked at it and then shoved it into her pocket, not allowing Shizuru a glimpse of it despite her begging.

As Shizuru looked at the picture now, she could see why Natsuki was so embarrassed about it. Natsuki had reached her hand up to grasp Shizuru's, and there was a beautiful smile on her face. It was about as happy as Shizuru had ever seen Natsuki. At the time, she'd thought Natsuki had been trying to pry her hands apart to weasel out of the hug, but apparently she was just holding onto Shizuru's hands.

The picture had caught a moment where Natsuki had accepted Shizuru's feelings for her and was even returning as much as she could. Tears welled up in Shizuru's eyes at the thought of it, touched that Natsuki was obviously trying so hard for her. _I promise to give you as many of those moments as I possibly can, Natsuki, whatever you end up deciding. I just hope you decide that you can love me, so we can make them all the more special._

Shizuru closed her eyelids and wiped away the tears that were threatening to leak out. Perhaps she was getting a bit carried away with letting her emotions out. What would Natsuki have thought if she'd woken up to find Shizuru crying over her? It might have been interesting to find out, but it probably wouldn't be a good idea. Shizuru reopened her eyes and let them fall on an image that she knew would scare away any tears: Natsuki's gorgeous face.

Looking at her face, Shizuru realized that something seemed to be different from before. As she spotted the red patch on Natsuki's forehead, she realized that the icepack which had been on her head had fallen off when she'd rolled over. Shizuru lightly placed her hand on Natsuki's forehead to gauge its temperature. It was still pretty hot, even despite the cooling effect the icepack should have caused.

After some brief searching, Shizuru found the icepack on the floor near the bed. She picked it up and noticed that it was barely cool at all anymore, explaining why Natsuki's forehead was so hot – or perhaps Natsuki's warm forehead was more to blame for the warmed icepack. Shizuru took the icepack over to the kitchen and switched it for a cold one which Mai had left in the freezer before she'd let Shizuru take over watching Natsuki.

Shizuru returned to Natsuki and placed the new icepack on her forehead before sitting back down on the edge of her bed. Shizuru let her gaze rest upon Natsuki's face once more, and she felt her expression shift back into adoration. A touch of worry formed in her face as Natsuki started to fidget in her sleep, her face approaching a grimace. It was probably from the new icepack, which would seem quite cold to her in comparison.

Shizuru reached out a hand to pat Natsuki's shoulder to try to calm her down. It should only take a minute or so for her skin to cool down enough that it wouldn't be unpleasant, she'd just have to bear through it. Fortunately, it didn't take even that long for Natsuki's expression to settle down, and Shizuru breathed a sigh of relief, allowing her expression to revert back to a loving gaze.

As Natsuki's eyes sleepily peeled open under her gaze, Shizuru suffered a brief moment of panic that Natsuki would see her without her mask, though at least her expression froze rather than showing her panic. But it was too late now, and hastily covering up her expression would only draw attention to her shame over it. _Shame? Am I really ashamed of loving her? …No, I'm not. So, I guess I shouldn't be ashamed of letting her see it. Alright, Natsuki, take a good look at how much I care about you. Consider this a sneak peak._

Although Shizuru had been somewhat afraid that Natsuki might have been displeased to see her – she was supposed to be keeping away from her, after – her fears were allayed when she spotted a smile tugging at the corners of Natsuki's mouth. Shizuru felt a pang in her heart from knowing that Natsuki couldn't help but smile upon seeing her. The smile was soon covered up, though, as Natsuki brought a hand up to rub her eyes. "Shizuru?" the sleepy girl mumbled, as if she didn't quite believe her eyes. Given that Shizuru had just managed to invade her dreams, she was probably right to be a bit doubtful.

"Ara, how is Natsuki feeling?" Shizuru asked. With her mask still off, Shizuru belatedly realized that she'd let her love for Natsuki seep into every word of her question, and it was little wonder that the girl blushed from the tone alone.

"Must be Shizuru, to somehow be able to tease me by asking me how I'm feeling," Natsuki said, her words still a bit slurred but becoming more coherent as she brought herself to wakefulness. Her hand that had been rubbing at her eyes rose to her forehead and found the icepack there. She pulled it off, then brought it in front of her face and tried to focus on it. "What… what's going on here, Shizuru?"

"Ara? Doesn't Natsuki remember the wonderful night we spent together? Meanie!" Shizuru shifted into her best feigned-hurt expression just long enough for Natsuki's face to turn purple, and then she broke out in giggles.

"Shizuru!" Natsuki exclaimed, throwing the icepack at her.

"Forgive me, Natsuki," Shizuru said as she tried to calm her giggling and put her mask back on before she really embarrassed herself. "It was just too perfect an opening, and I had to make up for lost teasing time."

The color started to fade from Natsuki's face as she rolled her eyes. "Couldn't you bear to stay away from me a single day?"

_Oh, Natsuki, you just keep walking into it. You're lucky I'm in a merciful mood due to your illness. _"There's no way I'm leaving Natsuki alone when she's this sick," Shizuru said, managing to cover up her mirth and slip back into an expression of concern.

"Sick?" Natsuki said. "I don't know what Mai told you, but I'm just a little sleep-deprived, that's all." She tried to sit up to prove her point as she said this, but she only made it halfway before giving up. "And a little dizzy."

"And quite feverish," Shizuru said. "38.7 degrees when I checked earlier. I'm sorry to say it, Natsuki, but I think you've got a flu."

"A flu?" Natsuki groaned. "Some week off of school this is going to be."

"Ara, it's not so bad, Natsuki," Shizuru said, patting her shoulder. "Your flu comes with your very own personal nurse to attend to your every need. I know I'm not exactly dressed for the role, but I didn't want to waste a moment in getting here to look after you when Tokiha-san called."

Natsuki seemed to go into a state of indecision over whether or not to be embarrassed by Shizuru's attention. Eventually she let out a sigh and turned her head away from Shizuru. "Thanks for coming, Shizuru," she said.

A smile broke out on Shizuru's face, though she quickly covered it up before Natsuki could turn back to spot it. "I know Natsuki wanted some time alone, but I just had to make sure you were alright. Tokiha-san said she'd look after you tomorrow, so you can have some time to think then, if you want." Natsuki didn't offer any reply to this, so Shizuru decided to shift the subject. "So how are you feeling, Natsuki?"

"Like shit," Natsuki said.

Shizuru picked up the fallen icepack and gently placed it on Natsuki's forehead, trying to get it as centered as possible without falling off. It wasn't perfect, but it would do until Natsuki felt like rolling onto her back again. "That should help with the fever a bit," she said. "Let me go pour you a glass of water and get you some painkillers. How's your throat doing, you need a lozenge?"

"It's just a little dry," Natsuki said as Shizuru got up to get her the water. Behind her, Shizuru heard what sounded like Natsuki rolling over and adjusting the icepack. "I could maybe do with some food, though."

"Tokiha-san said she'd be cooking some ramen for dinner, and she'd be sure to make some extra for you," Shizuru yelled over the running water as she filled up a glass for Natsuki. She popped the lid on a container of painkillers that Mai had left for her and took out a couple pills for Natsuki. As she brought them to Natsuki, she found that the other girl had managed to rise to a sitting position. "How are your throat and stomach doing? I can ask her to just make some plain ramen if you don't think you're up to much more."

Natsuki opened her mouth to respond, but she burst into a fit of coughs before any words could come out. A concerned Shizuru rushed over to her, barely managing to avoid spilling any water, and laid a hand on her shoulder. "Ara, Natsuki, I guess it had better be plain, then." As Natsuki's coughs subsided, she nodded her head. She then grabbed the water from Shizuru's hand and started guzzling it down. "Save some for the pills, Natsuki."

"Mm-hmm," Natsuki intoned through the glass, before eventually relenting long enough to throw the pills into her mouth and finish up the glass. Breathing deeply, she panted, "Sorry, I didn't realize I was so thirsty."

"It's quite alright, Natsuki," Shizuru said, patting the girl's shoulder. "You're supposed to drink plenty of fluids anyway."

Natsuki gave a weak nod and let her head fall back down to her pillow. "So where's that food?" she asked.

Shizuru chuckled. "I'll go check on Tokiha-san to see how it's doing, and maybe help out a little to speed things up. You think you'll be alright on your own for a few minutes?"

"I'll be fine," Natsuki said.

"That's good," Shizuru said. "Let me just go and pour you another glass of water before I go, so you won't have to walk to the kitchen yourself." Shizuru took the empty glass from Natsuki and went off to the kitchen to refill it. As she brought it back, she placed it on the table near Natsuki's bed, right next to the picture of them. Natsuki watched the glass on its way down, and then her gaze seemed to get stuck on the picture. Shizuru smiled as she saw this, but decided not to comment.

* * *

"Ara, Natsuki, the ramen's ready!" Shizuru called out from the kitchen as she finished setting the table with their bowls. She peaked out through the door and asked, "Or would Natsuki prefer to eat in bed?" 

Natsuki groaned as she rolled her legs out of the bed and sat up. "I'd better not. Wouldn't want to spill." She pushed herself to her feet with a grunt, and took a moment to catch her balance. Shizuru rushed over to Natsuki to make sure the girl wasn't going to fall, but Natsuki brushed her off as she approached. "I'm fine, Shizuru. I can walk on my own."

"Alright, if Natsuki says so," Shizuru said, backing off from Natsuki and letting her start walking to the table. Shizuru's new vantage point resulted in her gaze landing on the table by Natsuki's bed, and she let a hurt expression form on her face as she realized what was missing. "Ara? Where did that lovely picture go?"

Natsuki froze in her step and a light blush started to rise to her cheeks as she stiffly turned to face Shizuru. "Er… that is…"

"The adorable picture of us from yesterday which you had on this table," Shizuru said, giving Natsuki her best pout and allowing her eyes to tremble as if tears were forming. "What happened to it?"

Natsuki closed her eyes and bowed her head in resignation. "In the drawer under the table," she said.

Shizuru switched her pout into a smile as she went over to the table and found the picture in the drawer. She replaced it on the table, then turned around to Natsuki and said, "There, now you can look at me every night before you go to bed." Natsuki's blush deepened, and she started to turn away, but she stopped when Shizuru continued, "Ara, but why was Natsuki hiding the picture from me?"

Natsuki growled at the question and marched off towards the kitchen table. Shizuru followed her in and sat down opposite her. Natsuki started eating her ramen, slurping loudly as if attempting to fill the silence. Shizuru wasn't prepared to let her off the hook that easily, though. "So, are you going to tell me why you hid the picture or am I going to have to guess?"

Natsuki paused between spoonfuls of ramen to contemplate her options. Eventually she seemed to come to the decision that letting Shizuru guess would be a fair bit more embarrassing than just coming out with it. "I was embarrassed about it and I was hoping you hadn't noticed it yet. Are you happy now?" she said in a quick spurt while keeping her eyes firmly glued to her ramen.

The words had sped out of Natsuki's mouth so quickly that it took Shizuru an extra moment to piece them all together. "Ara, there's nothing you need to be embarrassed about, Natsuki," she said. "Except maybe about not letting me see it last night. If I'd known it was so cute, I would have asked Harada-san to make a copy for me."

"She probably still can," Natsuki said, before giving a sigh and digging back into her ramen. Despite Shizuru's assurances not to be embarrassed, her face grew redder by the second, though it might have just been the heat from the ramen.

Deciding that she'd teased Natsuki enough about the picture, Shizuru started at her own ramen. She'd asked Mai to make her a bowl of plain ramen as well, so she wouldn't make Natsuki jealous, but she was pleased to find that it was nevertheless quite good. Shizuru had been used to ramen with plenty of seasonings on it, and it had never crossed her mind that it could work fine without them. Then again, Mai was an incredible cook, so it was no wonder that she'd be able to make the broth just flavorful enough to make up for the lack of seasonings without being overwhelming.

"How's the ramen, Natsuki?" Shizuru asked.

"A bit hot, but it tastes good," Natsuki said. She still hadn't raised her eyes from the bowl, and she was already almost finished.

"Ara ara, I didn't think about how you might not like heat with your fever. Forgive me, Natsuki," Shizuru said. She put on her best apologetic look, though she wasn't sure if Natsuki would notice.

"It's alright, Shizuru," Natsuki said. "My fever's not that bad, really." A bead of sweat chose that moment to drip down Natsuki's forehead, much to the girl's consternation as she wiped it away. "That's just the steam."

"Ara… Well, finish up soon so we can get the icepack back on you," Shizuru said. "I wouldn't want Natsuki to overheat." Natsuki swallowed down a last mouthful of ramen and then pushed the bowl away. As she looked up, Shizuru noticed that her face had turned blood red and many sweat drops had formed on it. "There's a cold icepack in the freezer, Natsuki," Shizuru said. "I hope that'll be enough."

Natsuki's eyes widened at this, and Shizuru detected a hint of fear in them before Natsuki regained her composure. "It'll be fine," she said sharply.

"Ara, what is Natsuki so afraid of?" Shizuru asked, allowing a mischievous look to form on her face. "Did Natsuki think that I got a nice, thick negi from Mai just in case your fever got too bad?"

The fear returned to Natsuki's eyes and another bead of sweat formed on her forehead. "You wouldn't…"

Shizuru let out a soft chuckle. "Of course I wouldn't put Natsuki through that again," she said, and Natsuki breathed a sigh of relief, "…unless it's absolutely necessary."

"Shizuru!"

"Now, you'd better get that icepack and lie back down, Natsuki, if you don't want it to become necessary," Shizuru said. "I'll be right out to tend to you as soon as I finish my ramen."

Natsuki sighed and got up from the table. She grabbed the fresh icepack from the freezer and left the kitchen. Shizuru then finished up her ramen and washed their bowls. Before she returned to Natsuki's bedroom, she opened up the drawer in which she'd secreted the negi that Mai had given her. She'd asked specifically for the thickest one; it would be more painful, but it needed to be that way. _Forgive me, Natsuki, but this is something I have to do._

Shizuru kept the negi behind her back as she joined Natsuki in her bedroom, making sure not to scare the girl – before the perfect moment, at least. Unfortunately for her plans, Natsuki was a bit too paranoid and immediately caught on that Shizuru was hiding something as she entered. "What do you have there, Shizuru?" she demanded in as harsh a tone as she could get across while lying down with an icepack on her forehead and a cough interrupting her in the middle of her sentence.

"Ara, I didn't want to scare you," Shizuru said as she slowly brought the negi around to her front.

Natsuki's eyes widened in a mixture of fear and rage as the negi entered her sight. "Then what the hell is that _thing_ doing in my room!?"

"Don't worry, Natsuki," Shizuru said. "I have no intention of bringing you any more pain from silly old folk remedies."

Natsuki was noticeably reluctant to believe her. "So, what then? Are you just trying to scare me with it?"

"Ara, no. I have something I need to talk to Natsuki about," Shizuru said. She approached Natsuki's bed and stopped at the foot of it. "Would you mind if I sit down here?"

Natsuki glared at her. "You can sit here, but _that_ stays on the other side of the room."

Shizuru rolled her eyes, though she kept a smile on her face. She backed off and placed the negi on the dresser, then returned and sat down at the foot of Natsuki's bed. She let her hand fall on Natsuki's knee and gave it a friendly squeeze. "First of all, Natsuki, I need to apologize to you."

Natsuki's brow furrowed in confusion. "If you knew you'd have to apologize for it, why'd you bring the negi in the first place?" she asked suspiciously.

"Ara, not about that negi," Shizuru said. "I wanted to apologize for what I did with the other negi." Natsuki's expression softened into surprise. "I could easily have protected you from it, and as your best friend I should have. But I took advantage of your situation, and I used it to cop a feel. It was a very nice feel…"

"Shizuru!" Natsuki's face turned beet red.

"…but I should never have taken it, and especially not when it resulted in you suffering. I betrayed you for my own selfish pleasure, Natsuki. I'm sorry, Natsuki, and I pray you can come to forgive me." Shizuru realized that she'd let her mask slip off during her speech and her regret was clearly showing through her expression. She decided to let it be; this was no time for façades.

"Shizuru…" Natsuki's blush had drained form her face, and she seemed to be contemplative for a moment. She then seemed to come to a decision and her expression resolved into determination. "Stop worrying so much. I forgive you, okay? For the negi, for the kiss, for the lingerie store, and for anything else I don't know about. Don't let the past haunt you so much. You wouldn't do anything like that to me now, would you?"

Shizuru felt a warmth rush to her cheeks and tears fighting to escape from her eyes. She was completely taken aback by Natsuki's harsh brand of forgiveness. "Ara… Natsuki is too sweet," she said.

"It's nice to make you blush for a change," Natsuki said with a light chuckle, causing Shizuru's blush to deepen.

After taking a few seconds to let the blush drain from her face and to regain her composure, Shizuru slapped Natsuki's knee and stood up. "Alright, now that that's resolved, there's just one more thing." Shizuru walked over to the dresser, took a deep breath, and picked up the negi. "I need to make it up to Natsuki for all I've done to her."

"With that?" Natsuki asked incredulously. The fear had returned to her eyes. "Um, you really don't need to, Shizuru. I've already forgiven you, so you can put that away now, okay?"

Shizuru let out a soft chuckle. "Natsuki is so silly. Of course I wouldn't make things up to you by taking a negi to your bum again. _You _are going to do that to _me_."

Natsuki's eyes widened farther than Shizuru thought would have been physically possible. She scrambled to push herself away from Shizuru, resulting in her sitting up against the head of her bed. "No way! Not going to happen."

Shizuru pouted and gave Natsuki an expression reserved just for when she was being particularly difficult. She'd nicknamed it the "sad puppy," and Natsuki had never been able to resist it before. Her eyes opened wide and trembled ever so slightly. She thrust her bottom lip out and curled it in a pathetic frown. Then, to top it off, she gave a little sniff as if trying to hold back tears.

She could see Natsuki's resistance start to crumble, but she was still holding firm. Shizuru decided to see how far she could push it and let out a soft moan. "Ara, I guess I'll have to do it myself then." She gave a deep sigh. "It's just that, I'll have a lot more trouble with the angle, and it will hurt a lot more this way."

"N-not going to work, Shizuru," Natsuki said. Her resistance had been stretched, but it didn't look like she was in danger of crumbling.

_I guess some things are just too much to be able to tease out of her,_ Shizuru decided. _I guess it's time to try brutal honesty_. With a sigh, Shizuru dropped the sad puppy expression from her face, and let her mask fall off along with it. She looked at Natsuki and let the girl see clearly the pain in her eyes.

"Natsuki, please…" she said. "I've done horrible things to you, and I need to find some way to make it up to you so I can live with myself. I know it's uncomfortable for you, but this was all I could think of. Forgive me." Shizuru sniffed again, but this time it was real tears she was holding back.

As Shizuru watched, the determined expression on Natsuki's face slowly softened into resignation and sympathy. She turned her head away from Shizuru, and Shizuru wondered if she'd gone to far in exposing her inner self to the girl. Natsuki sighed deeply, and she finally gave Shizuru an answer. "Fine. But this is the only time, and you have to promise me that you won't get hung up on the past anymore."

Shizuru took the chance while Natsuki was looking away to wipe away the tears that were forming in her eyes. "Alright, Natsuki. I promise." She walked over to the bed and placed the negi in Natsuki's hand. "You might want to scoot up a bit," she said as she lied down on her belly, facing away from Natsuki. _I'm at your mercy now, Natsuki. I'd say "be gentle," but that would kind of defeat the purpose of this._

Shizuru felt Natsuki moving up beside her on the bed. She took a deep breath to steady herself, and then she reached her hands back to curl up her skirt. She thought she might have heard Natsuki gasp, and she decided to take it as a compliment. _Alright Natsuki, here's your second sneak peak of the day_, she said silently as she gripped the waistband of her panties and pulled them down, exposing her bare rear end to her friend.

Natsuki was silent for a time, and Shizuru wished she could see the expression on her face. She didn't turn around to look though; Natsuki definitely didn't need the extra pressure. Eventually, she felt the negi at her cheeks, slowly splitting them apart until it reached the final barrier.

The negi stopped there, and Natsuki hesitantly asked, "Are you sure about this, Shizuru? This isn't just some elaborate joke to embarrass me, is it?"

"I'm sure, Natsuki," Shizuru said, hoping her unsteady breathing didn't give away her nervousness. "I need you to do this. Get your revenge for every time I took advantage of you."

Natsuki groaned. "How come you have to make me so uncomfortable when you're atoning for all the times you made me this uncomfortable?"

Shizuru suppressed a giggle. "Ara, I think Natsuki's just uncomfortable because she's turned on from seeing m-ah!" Shizuru gasped in surprise as the pressure from the negi disappeared. This was followed by feeling Natsuki's hands pull up her panties and straighten out her skirt. She turned her head around to look at Natsuki and saw that the girl was trembling and backing away to the headboard. "Natsuki? Are you alright?"

Natsuki shook her head. "I can't do it, Shizuru," she said. "I can't hurt you, even if you ask me to."

Disappointment fought with relief in Shizuru's mind over the fact that she'd been spared that pain. The fight was forgotten, though, as she saw the guilty and pained expression on Natsuki's face and realized that she was responsible for putting it there. She shifted around on the bed and crawled up to Natsuki, cautiously wrapping her arms around the girl. Natsuki was stiff at first, but she slowly relaxed into the hug.

"Forgive me, Natsuki," Shizuru said. She'd had to keep her mask up before to stop herself from fleeing from the negi, but now she took it off to let her emotions pour out. The first thing to come out was a choked sob, following by tears leaking out of her eyes. Their current position prevented Natsuki from seeing the tears, though Shizuru wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing. "I'm such an idiot with you, Natsuki," she choked out between sobs. "I try to make things right and I just make you uncomfortable again."

Natsuki tentatively wrapped her own arms around Shizuru, allowing her right hand to drift a bit to rub Shizuru's back. "It's okay," she said. "I forgive you for this too." Her tone was soft, and Shizuru could easily imagine that it was laced with love for her. "But, if you need to make it all up to me, wouldn't it be better to do something nice for me rather than something mean to yourself?"

Shizuru let out another sob and tightened her hug. She nuzzled her cheek up next to Natsuki's. It was warm, but whether that was from the fever or blush she didn't know. She debated with herself for a moment about whether to tell Natsuki the truth, eventually deciding that she might as well get it all out now.

"I owe you too much, Natsuki," she said. "Back in the Carnival, you saved me from being a monster. I'm already doing every good deed for you I can think of to make up for that. This was the only thing left I could use to atone for the times I hurt you." She started to sigh, but it blended into a moan. "But I just ended up hurting you again. Forgive me."

Natsuki was silent for a moment before she seemed to come to a decision. "No, you helped me out too, Shizuru. After my father left, you saved me from turning into an unfeeling monster myself. I never told you how much I appreciated that. Thank you, Shizuru."

_I did that for me, not for you, Natsuki._ Shizuru couldn't bring herself to say the words out loud. Even this open, there were some things that she could never say. "I know," she said. "Even with that, I still owe you too much."

It took a few moments before Natsuki replied. In this time, Shizuru felt her hand drift up to the back of her and idly finger her hair. "Alright, how about this then. You can keep doing everything you can think, and if I can think of anything, you can do that too. Is that enough?"

"What else could Natsuki want from me?" Shizuru asked. As she said this, she allowed her own hand to drift up Natsuki's back. She'd wanted to keep the hug chaste, but Natsuki's own motions indicated that maybe she could accept a bit more.

Natsuki withdrew her hands and lightly pushed Shizuru out of the hug, and Shizuru felt an immediate surge of guilt that she might have crossed the line. "There's something I need to try," Natsuki said. Her gaze was buried in the bed, and her fingers had started to play with the sheets. "It might help me figure out a few things. I just need you to promise me you won't think too much into this or hate me if it doesn't work."

Shizuru's instincts had come to their own conclusion about what Natsuki wanted, but she was afraid to believe it. She didn't know if she could take the disappointment in this state. Shizuru gave Natsuki a slight nod. She'd give her whatever she wanted, and could only pray they wanted the same thing. "I promise, Natsuki."

At Shizuru's agreement, Natsuki had started trembling nervously again. She reached a tentative hand up to Shizuru's shoulder and managed to steady it. The other hand soon followed suit, and Natsuki adjusted her position to be directly in front of Shizuru. Shizuru's heart starting pounding heavily as she realized that her instincts had been right, and she had to exert all her effort to keep from letting tears break out of her eyes from the overflowing emotion.

Shizuru felt Natsuki pulling on her shoulders as the other girl leaned in. She leaned forward to meet her, gazing directly into her eyes. She let all of her love for the girl show through, hoping Natsuki would recognize that emotion in her eyes. In Natsuki's eyes, she saw mostly hesitance and nervousness, but behind all that was something soft which definitely cared for Shizuru, even if it didn't know in what way it cared.

By the time their lips met, Shizuru's heart was pounding in her ears, but the sound vanished from her mind as she focused on the feeling of Natsuki's lips against her own. She obviously had no idea what to do with the kiss, so her lips moved hesitantly. Shizuru wasn't any more experienced than her, but she made up for it with her confidence and took control of the kiss.

Natsuki seemed to follow her lead, as her lips moved in tandem with Shizuru's. Shizuru concentrated on the soft, velvety feeling of them for a bit, but she needed more. She wanted to move her tongue up to meet the other girl's lips, but she was afraid of scaring her off. Instead, she decided to drown herself in all the sensations and emotions the kiss brought out.

Shizuru inhaled deeply, sucking in the scent of Natsuki. Her smell wasn't like anything Shizuru could describe, but she loved it and would gladly breathe nothing else for the rest of her life if she had the option. The scent allowed her to focus on the fact it was Natsuki that she was kissing. The girl she'd secretly loved for all these years was finally letting her in.

A wave of heat burned its way through Shizuru's chest as she let herself imagine that all her dreams were coming true and that Natsuki had finally accepted her. _I love you so much, Natsuki_.

Her trance was broken when Natsuki sharply pushed her away and gasped. Shizuru's heart plunged into despair that Natsuki hadn't liked the kiss. "Natsuki…?" she said in a quivering voice.

Natsuki's expression seemed to be more fear than repulsion, but it didn't do much to ease Shizuru's pain. "Shizuru," she said sharply. "I've got a flu. I'm infectious right now. I don't want you to get sick as well."

Shizuru's eyes widened in shock, overriding the brief relief she'd felt from knowing that Natsuki wasn't upset about the kiss. Natsuki had seemed so good up until that moment that she'd completely forgotten that she was sick with a highly infectious disease. "Forgive me, Natsuki, but you were doing so well, it slipped my mind."

A light blush tinged Natsuki's cheeks. "You're quite distracting," she mumbled, looking away from Shizuru in embarrassment. "But you should get to a doctor now. If you get a vaccination and maybe some anti-virals, you might still be alright."

"Ara, okay, Natsuki," Shizuru said. She reluctantly backed off from Natsuki and got off the bed. "But I'll be back later, alright? We can finish the kiss then if you'd like." Natsuki's face started to turn red, and she lied down and rolled away from Shizuru to hide her face. Shizuru smiled and patted Natsuki's shoulder. "I hope that helped you figure some things out, Natsuki. Let me know if you need any other such favors."


	7. Love's Wake

**Author's Note: **I'd originally planned to go into Shizuru's next day in this chapter, but people seem to be quite interested in seeing Natsuki's thoughts about all this. So, I guess I can go straight to her, and then handle Shizuru the chapter after this. However, due to the timeframes involved, this chapter is a bit shorter than usual. In compensation, I'm getting it out sooner.

As always, much thanks to centauri2002, who I maintain is still a much better writer than me :P. Yes, I'm taking IM arguments to my author's notes now, so there!

* * *

**Title:** What Dreams May Come

**Rating: **T

**Chapter 7:** Love's Wake

* * *

"Natsuki…" Shizuru's cheeks were flushed red. Her love had taken control of her, and she couldn't hold herself back. Natsuki felt a hand come up to brush her cheek, and it lightly turned her head to face Shizuru.

Natsuki knew what was coming; she'd been through this twice before. The first time, she was asleep and couldn't do anything to stop it or in response to it. Her mind picked up that it had happened, though, and before long it had filtered down to her dreams. There, she'd gone through it a second a time. As Shizuru's lips were about to meet hers in the dream, she'd panicked and awoken with a start, her hand moving up to cover her mouth. Her heart had been pounding rapidly; it was the first time she'd ever felt afraid of Shizuru.

She was afraid now, too, but she didn't wake up. At least in the real world. In her dream, her eyes opened just as Shizuru's lips were about to meet hers. Shizuru froze, her eyes opened wide in panic as she was caught in the act. Natsuki didn't know what Shizuru saw in her eyes, but in Shizuru's crimson orbs she saw love inextricably mixed with pain. The sight was too much for her. She'd seen the same thing in Shizuru's eyes earlier, except some of the pain was gone and replaced with hope.

_I put that hope there, _Natsuki realized. _But I didn't take away all the pain. Maybe I could, though. I could give in to her and give her everything she wants from me. But if I didn't really love her, it wouldn't last. She'd know. She can always see through me so easily, there's no way I could fool her. I have to actually love her. The question is: Can I? Why is this so hard? I think I want to… that kiss certainly felt nice. And that lurching in my stomach and the weird pain-like sensation in my chest, I think I liked that too, even. Is that what love is? What did Shizuru feel when we kissed?_

At that thought, Natsuki came out of her reverie. The scene had changed. She was back on her bed, where she and Shizuru had kissed not long before. She was holding Shizuru just as she had then, gazing into the girl's eyes as she tried to steel up the courage to move in and kiss her. Before, she'd needed to do this to know what it would feel like, if it would stir anything in her. It stirred _something_ in her, that was for sure, she just had no idea what it was.

But it wasn't just the need to know that made her do it. It was why she'd chosen to try it at first, but when she got closer to doing so, she was nearly paralyzed with nervousness. It was when she looked into Shizuru's eyes and saw that the pain which had always haunted them since the Carnival was being consumed by a flame of hope that Natsuki leaned in. She couldn't back away then; she couldn't let that flame be extinguished. So she brought her lips to Shizuru's, stoking the flame and, for a few precious minutes, letting it consume her.

She still couldn't figure out if what she'd felt was love. All she knew was that she enjoyed it, and she would have let it last much longer if she hadn't started to worry about getting Shizuru sick. But this was just a dream, so she didn't need to worry about that now. She didn't need to worry about making sure she didn't hurt Shizuru by pulling away; she'd already gone through with it and made one of Shizuru's dreams come true.

There was no pressure on her this time. She could have backed off, she could have woken up, and Shizuru would never be hurt by it. But she didn't. She leaned in once more, bringing her lips up to meet those of the Shizuru of her dreams. _This one's for me, _she thought as she let her mind relive the moment. She felt every sensation pass through her again, and although she couldn't identify any of them, she allowed herself to relish them all.

* * *

Natsuki awoke with a smile on her face. The first thing she saw as she opened her eyes was Shizuru's grinning face in the picture she kept by her bed, which just made her smile widen further. What had she been thinking, trying to hide that picture? Even if it was embarrassing, it was still worth it to be able to wake up to that sight.

_Is this love then?_ Natsuki wondered. _Dreaming about kissing her, being so happy just to see a picture of her face, feeling a warmth in my chest just thinking about her? It could be, I guess._ Heat rushed through Natsuki's chest again at this thought. _There's that feeling again. What is that? Does Shizuru feel that when she thinks about me?_ Her smile shifted slightly, into an expression of contentment. That was it, she'd have to ask Shizuru what she felt. If she felt the same thing, then Natsuki would have her answer.

Natsuki's chest tightened suddenly and her breathing quickened. _What's this, then? It certainly isn't pleasurable._ _Wait… nervousness maybe? Am I nervous about possibly giving Shizuru my answer? _Natsuki's heart started pounding in her chest, giving her her answer. _Yeah, I think that's it. How is she going to react if I tell her? Would she be able to hold herself back, or would she jump on me right there? I think I could handle a kiss, but would she stop there?_

Natsuki felt a blush rise to her cheeks at what Shizuru might want to do to her. She'd had a taste of it a couple years ago, when Shizuru had "helped" her buy lingerie. She'd almost passed out from Shizuru's ministrations then, and Shizuru had only been doing what she could get away with under the guise of helping Natsuki find the perfect bra. If she weren't restrained, and if she had the comfort of knowing that Natsuki felt for her the same way, how far would Shizuru go?

Natsuki shook her head vigorously and slapped her forehead. _Bad thoughts, bad thoughts, don't go there! Shizuru isn't some sex-crazed monster; she'll be able to restrain herself. If she loves me, she'll be willing to wait until I'm ready. Just like she's willing to wait for me right now. _Natsuki's smile reformed, and she allowed herself to refocus on the picture of Shizuru. _Thank you, Shizuru._

As she let her gaze drift from the picture, Natsuki caught the clock's display of 6:02 a.m., and she let out a sigh. So she'd slept through the night then, and missed Shizuru if she'd come back. Well, at least she'd gotten to see her in her dreams. Natsuki allowed herself a grin at this as she stretched out her arms and pushed herself up.

A flash of white on her bedside table caught Natsuki's attention as she was sitting up. Turning back to it, she noticed that an envelope had been placed on it, just behind the picture. She picked it up and eyed the cover, immediately recognizing Shizuru's elegant handwriting, which had written her name followed by a small heart. Natsuki suppressed a blush at the heart and managed to redirect it into a chuckle. _I told you not to read too much into that kiss, Shizuru, but this is sweet nonetheless._

Natsuki opened up the envelope, finding three pieces of paper folded up inside. She unfolded them and lied back down on her bed as she started reading the first sheet:

_Natsuki,_

_I wrote you a letter this morning about some things I wanted to clear up with you. However, it seems that one particular point in it has suddenly become a bit dated, though I never could have predicted it this morning. I decided to leave the letter as it was, though, and simply write a follow-up to it. You'll see what I mean as you read on._

Natsuki flipped over to the second sheet. She figured Shizuru probably was talking about their kiss in some way, but she couldn't figure out how that might have tied in to something Shizuru would have written in the morning.

_Ara, Natsuki, I had a very interesting dream last night. I was reliving that night back in the Carnival, where I'd stolen that kiss from you. In my dream, however, I was able to do things right. I stopped myself from stealing that kiss, and instead I carried your sleeping form inside to get you out of the cold. While in there, I mused over some aspects of what had happened, and I'd like to share my thoughts on it with you._

_That kiss I stole from you, that was your first kiss, wasn't it, Natsuki? I can't imagine any you ever having the occasion to kiss someone else. I'm sorry, Natsuki. To make your first kiss be from a friend's betrayal, that's something I can never take back. It was my first kiss too, actually. Maybe you suspected I'd fooled around with one of my fangirls at some point. I could have, but I wanted to save my first kiss to be with you, the one I secretly loved. But I should have saved it longer, and I have to live with the fact that I didn't._

_Though that was my first time kissing anyone, it wasn't my first time being kissed, as it was yours. For me, that happened near the end of the Carnival, when you kissed me to save me from being a monster. I cherish that memory, Natsuki. What you did meant so much to me. But I'm not the one who deserves the cherished memory of her first time being kissed; you are, but I made yours a moment of regret._

_I know we can't pretend that never happened, but it would be much sweeter if we could think of the kiss I gave you last night as the first time I kissed you. At least, it was the first time while you were awake and could have stopped it if you wanted to. Isn't it much better for your first received kiss to be from a friend trying to comfort you than from a friend betraying you?_

_I'm not sure if that would really work, though. If not, there's still one other big first you can look forward to: your first mutual kiss. I sincerely hope it's with me, but until you decide how you feel about me, I can't say for sure that it will be. If it is, I promise that I'll do everything I can to make it as special as possible. Maybe you can consider that a little extra reason to make the right decision. Sorry, couldn't resist one little tease._

_Your regretful friend,_

_Shizuru_

That warm feeling coursed through Natsuki's chest again as she thought about Shizuru's words. She'd never really thought about that as being her first kiss before. She'd never really been the type to care about things like that. However, there was something about the way Shizuru had written about it that made her feel an echo of those feelings. She flipped over to the last page, anxious to see what Shizuru had to say about their first mutual kiss.

_Ara ara, Natsuki, that kiss was everything I'd ever dreamed of! Thank you so much for that. I know, I know, you said I wasn't supposed to think too much into it. I realize that you did it because you needed to know what it was like. So I'm not going to think too much into your reasoning for doing it. That won't stop me, however, from thinking into how the kiss itself felt, and I hope you'll be doing much the same thing._

_I mentioned in my last letter how I hoped we could share our first mutual kiss together, and I'm so glad that it actually came about. That'll truly be a memory I'll always treasure, and I hope you will too. You can think of that as your first real kiss, if you want; I know I will. I'm just disappointed that we couldn't properly finish it. I hope we'll be able to once you're over your flu. I'll be sure to make the rest of that kiss just as memorable as the beginning of it was._

_There's just one little problem I have. You see, I was supposed to be doing a favor for you there, but it really feels like I got at least as much out of that kiss as you. With that in mind, I can't really count it as a favor to help make up things to you. You're going to have to help me out a bit more here. So, here's what I've decided to do to help you out with this: At the bottom of this page I've drawn out and signed four "coupons," each good for one big favor from me, whatever you may want with no limitations. You can cut them out on your own; I didn't do it myself as I didn't want you to be wondering what they were until you read these letters._

_These coupons represent me making up to you for the four big times I've hurt you or made you uncomfortable: shopping for lingerie, the incident with the negi when you had a cold, when I took advantage of you during the carnival, and the other incident with the negi last night. Yes, I'm still giving you one for the last one; the kiss was too enjoyable for me to be able to count it as a favor for you. Though if you decide to make the other favors as enjoyable, I'm certainly not going to complain. But don't worry too much about that. You use them for whatever you want, and I'll be pleased to give it to you._

_Well, that's it for now, Natsuki. I'm sorry I couldn't catch you when you were still awake, and I really didn't want to wake you up when you were sleeping so peacefully. I guess I'll see you in a couple days, then. Be nice to Mai tomorrow, and if you do start missing me, I'll just be a phone call away._

_Your first kiss,_

_Shizuru_

"Shizuru…" Natsuki chuckled. Shizuru could be so silly at times. Maybe love made her that way. _Would I ever end up like that?_ Natsuki wondered. She glanced down at the coupons Shizuru had drawn out for her, imagining what silly things she could get Shizuru to do with them. _Heh, like I could ever get up the courage to even ask. Better to save these for something serious anyways._

Natsuki left the letters on the table; she'd get to cutting out the coupons later. She then proceeded to go about her usual morning routine, pleasantly noting that she didn't look nearly as bad this morning as she had the previous day. Her body was still pretty sore, and she was pretty sure she still had a fever judging by the fact that she needed to make the shower's water almost ice-cold to avoid overheating in it.

Although all her symptoms were easily as bad as before, somehow it wasn't bothering her as much. Maybe it was simply that she wasn't fretting over her feelings this day. She still wasn't sure that it was love she felt, but she knew she'd gotten as far as she could on her own, and she had a plan on how to figure the rest out.

What she didn't have a plan for, however, was what she was going to do with her day. Before the Carnival had ended, she'd spent all her time on one mission or another, whether trying to track down other HiME, fighting Orphans, or trying to find out what had happened to her mother. In the few weeks since then, she'd been shanghaied by Mai into spending almost all her free time hanging around with the other girls. But being in an infectious state as she was, that wasn't going to be an option today.

Eventually, as she wandered her dorm searching for something to do, she came upon Shizuru's letters to her once more, and an idea struck her. Maybe she could try her hand at that, writing something to Shizuru in turn. But what to write? There were so many things she could say to Shizuru about the thoughts that had been going through her head.

Natsuki went to her desk and took out a pen and some paper. She sat there for a few minutes, idly tapping the pen on the desk as she tried to figure out where to start and what all she should say. She sighed and leaned back in her chair after a bit. It would make most sense to simply tell Shizuru about what she'd probably be wondering, such as what had been going through Natsuki's head in all this time.

_Well, maybe it's just best to start at the beginning. Let's see, I explained to her pretty much why I needed time alone when we talked a couple days ago, so I guess my thoughts since then are the first thing I should tell her about._ Her decision made, Natsuki started to gather her thoughts, trying to recall every thought that had gone through her head that night. Given that most of them had gone through at least three times over the course of the night, it wasn't a difficult task. After a minute to organize them all, she leaned forward to her desk and took pen to paper.


	8. To Forgive, Divine

**Japanese used in this Chapter:**

_Me_ – An extremely enraged, insulting honorific.

_Yobisute_ – Using someone's name without any honorific, generally done only between family members, close friends, and lovers.

_Bubuzuke-onna_ – Haruka's nickname for Shizuru. "Bubuzuke" is Kyoto-ben for a dish of rice and green tea, and "onna" means "woman."

**Author's Note: **And we shift back to the other plotline for a chapter here. Don't worry, we'll be getting back to the Shiznat fluff soon enough. And also, I have plans for what Natsuki's written, but it won't show up immediately. Just wait and see.

Of course, much thanks to centauri2002 for looking this over and for her suggestions. Thanks also to everyone who's reviewed to let me know what they liked or disliked.

* * *

**Title:** What Dreams May Come

**Rating: **T

**Chapter 8:** To Forgive, Divine

* * *

_Ara, Natsuki, I'm so happy I can barely contain it all! That kiss was everything I ever dreamed it would be. I barely trusted myself driving to the doctor afterwards; I kept drifting off into daydreams about kissing you again when I should have been paying attention to the road. And when I got to the doctor and he asked me why I felt I needed a flu shot and anti-virals, I actually blurted out that I'd been kissing my sick girlfriend! You should have seen him blush, Natsuki, it put all your best blushes to shame._

_I'm really sorry, I know you're not my girlfriend quite yet, but it just came out. I guess I'm really getting ahead of myself here. It's just that when I kissed you, everything felt right. It was perfect. I knew in my heart more than ever that we were destined to be together. And that soft emotion I saw in your eyes as you leaned in to me, I'm pretty sure that was love, even if you don't realize it. So, although I know you're not my girlfriend now, I can't help but think of you as my future girlfriend._

_Forgive me, I'm almost too giddy to write now. You'd think I'd be better the morning afterwards, but I had to suppress a lot of it last night, so I guess it's all leaking out now. As you surely know by now, I came back to check on you after going to the doctor. I dropped off that letter I wrote for you in the morning, along with the other one, which I wrote while watching over you. You're such a beautiful sleeper, I could have stayed there all night just watching. But unfortunately, I needed to get some sleep myself, and I didn't know if you'd welcome me sleeping over, so I had to leave eventually._

_But even that wasn't the end of the fun for me. When I got back home, I went to sleep and had one of the best dreams I've ever had. My dream Natsuki was there again, and she was much, much nicer to me this time. I think I spent the entire night just kissing her. She wouldn't let me go any further than that, saying that it wouldn't be appropriate until you'd let me in reality, but I didn't mind. Just dreaming about kissing you was more than enough._

_I love you, Natsuki, so very much. Thank you._

_Your future girlfriend,_

_Shizuru_

* * *

Shizuru checked her watch as she waited outside the church: 12:59 p.m. _Just one more minute._ According to Yukariko, Nao was due to start her shift in the confessional at 1. Shizuru didn't exactly have to confess her crimes to Nao, but it was the perfect place to ask for forgiveness for them.

As she waited, Shizuru let her mind wander to the events of the previous night. She wasn't quite as giddy about it as she was in the morning, but she still couldn't help letting her smile widen a little further than normal. Time, however, had brought with it a few doubts to her mind. Natsuki had been clear before the kiss that she was just doing it to try it out, and she'd broken out of it rather suddenly. Even though she had a valid excuse for doing so, it still meant that somehow Natsuki's thoughts had drifted to her sickness while they were kissing.

_No, I'm not going there._ Shizuru made an effort to push her doubts away. Sure, nothing was certain yet, but it was still more certain than it had ever been before. She'd spent so many months lamenting that she could never have Natsuki, she wasn't going to doubt now that there was more hope than ever. Maybe she'd be hurt later, but she was going to cling onto the hope while it lasted. She'd never felt this good before, and she wasn't going to waste it.

Pulling herself back from her thoughts as she heard the church bell ring, Shizuru glanced at her watch again: 1:01 p.m. this time. Perfect. She'd seen no one come by lately, likely because many people had left campus for the summer. Nao would probably be expecting a dull day of waiting in the confessional, so she might even be pleased for the distraction. If nothing else, it meant there was less of a chance of anyone being kept waiting if their conversation went long.

Shizuru turned around and headed into the church. Neither Miyu or Alyssa was around today, though Father Carter – who had replaced the disgraced Father Greer – would likely be around somewhere. Shizuru didn't notice him at the pulpit, so he was likely either in his rectory or cleaning up the basement. The poor man had quite the job to do after the Carnival, reassuring everyone that things were alright and no, the apocalypse wasn't coming. Now that things had finally settled down, he still had work to do in cleaning up the areas of the church which weren't open to the public – the school had covered external reparations, but they had so much other construction work they needed to do that there just weren't the resources to clean up the rest of the church.

As Shizuru walked past the pews, she noticed that the school had actually done a quite good job of fixing up the church, despite their limited resources. When her eyes reached the new bell, she paused in her step, remembering what had happened to the old one. It had fallen in the chaos of her battle with Natsuki, trapping the other girl within it. Shizuru had then destroyed it with the chain of her Naginata, simultaneously freeing Natsuki from it and trapping her in Shizuru's grasp.

And then, Natsuki had kissed her. The memory was painful in the reminder of what she'd done to her beloved in her rage, but also sweet in what Natsuki had still been willing to do for her. _Truly, Natsuki, I owe you too much for forgiving me. I hope one day I'll be able to make it all up to you so I may deserve your love. But until then, I have other people I also need to make amends with._

With this thought, Shizuru proceeded into the confessional. Not being very enamored of Western religions, it was Shizuru's first time entering this room, so she took a chance to look around. The room was roughly rectangular, with the walls covered with white paint that had started to peel. To her immediate left was a wooden screen with some sort of furniture below it, and she could see the corner of a chair past the screen. From what she'd heard about confessionals, that was likely to block the priest or nun's vision of the confessor. Given that she didn't see Nao elsewhere in the room, that seemed to make sense.

"Just kneel down in front of the screen, or you could come around to this chair if you're particularly keen on looking at me," Nao's voice came behind the screen. It had a distracted note to it that got across the message that she really didn't want to be there.

Deciding that it might be a bit easier if she didn't have to go through an explanation of what she was doing there if Nao saw her, Shizuru kneeled down by the screen, making use of the odd piece of furniture installed there to rest her legs. It wasn't particularly comfortable, but the designers likely didn't have comfort in mind. _Now let's see, how is this supposed to go…?_ _Ah, right. _"Forgive me Sister, for I have sinned."

Shizuru knew that Nao would immediately recognize her accent, but was counting that Nao wouldn't make a big deal of it right away. She did take a moment before replying, in which Shizuru wondered if Nao was going to start asking her questions. Instead, she got a reply of, "Cough it up then, Fujino," in Nao's same distracted voice, with an added element of frustration.

Shizuru let out a soft sigh of relief. Taking a deep breath, she plunged into the confession she'd prepared, "I've done a horrible thing, Sister. It started a few months ago. I was trying to protect my friend from another girl who'd been tricked into fighting her. But I didn't stop at simply protecting my friend. I went a step further, and I tried to take revenge on this girl. I nearly killed her, but thankfully she survived.

"But it didn't end there, unfortunately. She was very angered about what I did, and so she used my friend to try to lure me out and take her revenge on me. I came to my friend's defense again, and I attacked this girl. I didn't kill her in this fight, but I did end up killing her mother and crushing her spirit.

"I wasn't in my right mind when these actions took place, and I've since come to better control over myself. The girl's mother was even miraculously returned to life, but none of this excuses what I did. In the euphoria of having her mother brought back, she even said she forgave me for what I did, but I know that it isn't that easy. I regret what I did to her every day since I regained my senses, and I hope dearly that she may someday forgive me, however unworthy I am of her forgiveness."

Nao was silent for many minutes, as Shizuru wondered what was going through her mind. She'd tried her best to let her quite real regret seep into her words, but she'd built up a reputation for often being sarcastic which might hurt her now. If Nao thought she was joking here, things could end up much worse than before between them. Perhaps doing this through the confessional wasn't the best choice; it could too easily be misinterpreted as a joke.

Eventually, Nao broke the silence. "Cut the crap, Fujino. Get over here and take a seat."

Shizuru breathed a sigh of relief. That was about as good as she could have hoped for. She stood back up, taking a brief moment to straighten out her skirt and stretch her legs. She let her regret show through her face as she walked around to take a seat in front of Nao. Nao was currently wearing her nun's habit, though she was making no effort to look like she enjoyed it. Shizuru noticed a spot of wetness near Nao's eye that could have been from a tear, though she decided not to comment on it.

"Forgive me, Sister Nao," Shizuru said as she took a seat.

"'Nao-san' is fine," Nao said tersely. "I'm not exactly here by choice. And I already said I forgave you. I'm not one to go back on my word, whatever you may have been thinking… at least to another girl."

"Forgive me, Nao-san, then. I didn't mean to imply that. It's just that I wouldn't hold you to something you said in those circumstances."

This was met with a growl from Nao. She glared at Shizuru, but there seemed to be some uncertainty in her gaze. "Fine then, I still forgive you. Are you happy?"

Shizuru raised an eyebrow in surprise. This certainly wasn't what she'd expected from Nao. Judging by her actions during the Carnival, she was someone who held fierce grudges. "Might I ask why you forgive me so easily?" Shizuru said.

"Your heartfelt apology isn't enough reason?" Nao couldn't keep the sarcasm out of her voice, so Shizuru simply met her with a passive gaze. With an eye-roll, Nao went on, "Alright, fine. Back during the Carnival, when you defeated me, you went on and on about how I had to be good at noticing things to survive. Beats me what it had to do with the situation, but it was true.

"So here's one little thing I noticed: Since the Carnival, Tokiha and Sister Yukariko acted all regretful and stuff around me. They've both tried to make things up to me in their own ways, Tokiha by dragging me to all her karaoke parties so I'd be part of the group, and Sister Yukariko by 'setting me on the right path' and forcing me to start training to be a nun. Kuga was never very regretful about when she attacked, but given all that I put her through after that, I can't say I blame her.

"You know what neither of them ever did though? They never apologized. They never admitted that their actions were in the wrong. It was like they wanted to hold out some justification for what they did, like that since I was the outsider, I had it all coming." The wet spot on Nao's face that Shizuru had noticed earlier had filled with a tear during Nao's speech. She seemed to notice it now and wiped it away, glaring at Shizuru as if telling her to forget she saw that.

"But you apologized," Nao continued. "It took you a few months, but you did. For that alone, I forgive you."

Shizuru let her smile widen at this. _I knew you had a softer side to you, Nao-san. Natsuki was right, the two of you are quite similar, I just didn't step in to help you as I did her._ "Thank you, Nao-san," she said.

Nao gave a stiff nod, trying to maintain a hard look. "Just promise me a couple things," she said. "First, tell no one of this, especially Kuga. She'd never let me live it down if she heard that I was talking like this."

"Alright, I can do that," Shizuru said. _Ara, one more thing I have to keep from Natsuki… at least this one isn't about her._ She was careful to make sure she showed no sign of regret about this promise. She didn't want Nao to doubt her sincerity. "What's the other promise?"

"Don't try to do me any favors," Nao said. "I'm still suffering from the 'favor' Yukariko-temee is doing me. I don't need any more."

"If you insist," Shizuru said, sighing inwardly. _I guess making reparations for Nao is off. Well, maybe I'll be able to find a favor she won't mind. Maybe even if she won't appreciate it, it could still be worth it. Whether she likes Yukariko-san's favor or not, it does appear to have softened her a bit._ Nao's expression indicated that she was done, so Shizuru stood back up. "Thank you again, Nao-san," she said. Nao grunted in acknowledgement and waved her off, so Shizuru took that as her cue to leave.

_Well, that went a lot better than I expected. That just leaves Suzushiro-san to straighten things out with. I just wish I had a good idea of how I could approach her and have something other than a superficial conversation…_

As if on cue, Shizuru's cell phone started ringing. As she continued out of the church, she pulled it out of her pocket and checked the caller ID. Her eyes widened in surprise for a moment before she quickly covered it up. _Now that's interesting. What could Suzushiro-san be calling me about? Maybe this'll be easier than I thought as well, if she approaches me._

After exiting the church, Shizuru paused in her step and answered the phone. "Hel-"

"Fujino-me!" Shizuru jerked the phone away from her ear to protect her hearing from Haruka's outburst. She'd long since gotten used to Haruka's normal yelling, but she'd reached a whole new level here. "What did you say to Yukino? I know it was you who inflected her with your perverted ways!"

Shizuru was taken aback by the accusation. She'd expected Haruka to have some difficulty accepting this, but this was much worse than she'd anticipated. Somehow though, the absence of hearing Yukino chime in with "It's 'infected,' Haruka-chan," on the other end of the phone was the part of the exchange that stuck out most for Shizuru.

"Well? What do you have to say for yourself?" Haruka demanded, having received no immediate answer from Shizuru.

_This is bad. What has Suzushiro-san said to Yukino-san? _Shizuru's heart panged in sympathy for Yukino. She knew how it felt to have her love rejected, to have the object of her desire recoil at her touch. And now she'd been responsible for Yukino feeling that as well. She had to do something. She started walking off towards the girls' dorm; Yukino might not want to see her, but she had to try.

"Please, Suzushiro-san," Shizuru said, speaking on instinct as her mind tried to formulate a plan. "I hope you didn't say such mean things to Yukino."

"'Yukino'?" If anything, her statement had managed to get Haruka even more enraged. "You're talking about her in yobisute now? Just how close have the two of you gotten? I bet you're taking advantage of her just like you did Kuga-san!"

_Damn it, why did I slip like that? Am I sympathizing with her that much? _Shizuru fought to control her frustration and stop it from spilling onto her face as she started to walk through the more populated areas of the school grounds. _Even so, that was a low blow, Suzushiro-san._ "Yukino-san is a friend," Shizuru said, barely keeping her anger out of her voice. "And I'm getting the feeling that you've just hurt her very badly."

"_I_ hurt her? You're the one who put those perverted ideas in her head!"

"Those ideas were in her head long before I talked to her," Shizuru said. She'd just reached the girls dormitory, so she decided she'd better end this soon, before seeing Yukino. "But I was the one who recommended she tell you about them. I was counting on you to be a bit more sensitive towards her feelings, but it turns out I was wrong. I guess I should go and try to make things up to Yukino-san."

"What? You stay away from her you-" Shizuru switched off her phone in the middle of Haruka's sentence and put it away. It went against all her carefully honed instincts to be so rude like that, but it was the best way to guarantee that Haruka would come rushing down to protect Yukino from her. She didn't know how far away Haruka was, however, so it was probably still best to check on Yukino until she got there.

When Shizuru reached Yukino's room, she paused for a moment to listen at the door. She didn't hear any signs of life inside, which might have meant that Yukino was doing relatively fine, or she could have just been in her bedroom and out of earshot. Shizuru knocked out three precise beats on the door and waited for a reply.

After a few seconds, she heard footsteps coming up behind the door. They stopped for a bit, but the door didn't open. As she heard them start to walk away, Shizuru took a quick glance down the hallway to make sure no one was around before calling through the door, "Yukino-san, please! I know what happened."

The footsteps stopped as she spoke, and then resumed a moment after she finished. Shizuru let out a sigh of defeat. If Yukino didn't want to see her, it was probably better to leave her alone. But as she was about to walk away, she heard the footsteps start to get louder again. They reached the door, and, after a moment of silence, it was unlocked and opened.

It took only a quick glance for Shizuru to ascertain that Yukino had been crying, though she would have assumed it even without the physical evidence her reddened eyes presented. "Forgive me, Yukino," she said upon seeing her, and she followed this immediately by grasping her in a hug. She normally reserved such embraces for Natsuki, but this case merited an exception. She knew exactly how Yukino would be feeling right now, and though a hug wouldn't take it all away, it was the best she could do.

Thankfully, Yukino seemed to accept the hug, even wrapping her own arms around Shizuru after a moment to pull the older girl in tighter. Shizuru had been afraid that Yukino would blame her for this – not without reason, as she had been wrong in predicting Haruka's reaction – but fortunately that wasn't the case. It would have been a lot harder to help her through this if Yukino wouldn't let her in.

After a minute, Yukino pushed herself out of the hug. "We should get inside," she said meekly, her eyes only briefly meeting Shizuru's. Shizuru gave her a nod, though she wasn't sure if Yukino noticed it, and followed her into the room. Yukino took a seat in the living space of the dorm, and Shizuru pulled around another chair to sit facing her.

"What did Suzushiro-san say to you?" Shizuru said. She tried to present her most sympathetic expression for Yukino, though the other girl wasn't making much effort to look at her. Yukino had her gaze rooted firmly downward, and she seemed to be biting her lip, possibly in an effort to hold back tears.

"Nothing," Yukino said after some time. "She said nothing. I poured my heart out to her, making it clear that I didn't love her just as a friend, but she said nothing to me." Yukino took a deep breath and wiped away some tears that had formed in her eyes. "She just sat there and stared at me. I watched as her expression changed painfully slowly from confusion into fear. When she was about as horrified as she could get, she bolted from the room, and I… I…" Yukino trailed off into sobs, but Shizuru could well imagine what her reaction was.

"Ara ara, I'm so sorry, Yukino-san," she said, placing a supportive hand on Yukino's knee and looking into her eyes in case she decided to return the eye contact. "That doesn't sound like Suzushiro-san at all. I never would have expected her to react that way."

"Neither did I," Yukino said, finally looking up to face Shizuru. Her eyes showed deep pain, but there was a strength there which hadn't yet crumbled, giving Shizuru hope that the girl would be able to make it through this. "I've never known Haruka-chan to be afraid of anything. For my feelings to scare her so much she couldn't even talk to me…" Yukino bit her lip as she trailed off, her eyes pleading with Shizuru to finish the thought and give her some reason.

Shizuru shook her head. She only had one guess, but she wasn't sure if she should speak it. If she were wrong again, it would just hurt Yukino more. It was probably just hopeful thinking on her part, too, thanks to the luck she'd been having with Natsuki. Still, it was the only thing she could think of. "Maybe," she said, "Suzushiro-san was afraid of her own feelings. She's been taught to think this kind of love is immoral and disgusting, so if she were to start feeling it herself, it could scare her quite a bit."

Yukino gasped, and Shizuru watched hope fill her eyes, almost feeling guilty about it in fear that she might be wrong. "You mean, Haruka-chan…?"

"It's the best guess I have, but I don't know for sure," Shizuru said. She gave Yukino an encouraging smile. "Even if it's true, it still means things are going to be very diffic-"

"Yukino!" The door to Yukino's dorm was blown open, possibly from the force of Haruka's voice alone. "What is that bubuzuke-onna trying to do to you now?" Haruka demanded as she stormed into the room.

Yukino shot up from her chair. "Haruka-chan, no, she's-"

"Ara, it's alright, Yukino-san," Shizuru interjected, rising from her seat. "I'll leave the two of you alone for now. Don't worry about me." She met Yukino's eyes once more and gave her another reassuring smile, and then turned to go. Haruka appeared to be trying to burn holes in Shizuru's skull with her glare, but Shizuru simply met this with a passive smile.

As Shizuru reached the door, she paused in her step and turned back. "Oh, and Suzushiro-san? Don't worry about Yukino-san too much. If you have to go, I'll be right back here to take care of her."

Haruka crossed her arms and growled at Shizuru. "Don't count on it, Fujino."

Shizuru gave a mock pout. When Haruka turned back around, Shizuru gave a quick wink at Yukino, who was currently trying to hold back a sigh at how easily Haruka was letting herself be manipulated. "Alright, goodbye for now then."


	9. Love's Dawn

**Japanese used in this Chapter:**

_Ikezu_ – Meanie

_Baka_ – Fool or idiot

**Author's Note:** This is the second part (along with Chapter 7) of what I'd originally planned to be just one chapter, but I ended up fleshing it out beyond what I'd planned. I know this was a bit slower getting out than usual, but don't worry, this one's going to be worth the wait, and after this we'll be going into the grand finale (and also don't worry about me stopping after that, I know right what I'm going to be writing after that).

This chapter is also going to be the first time I've shown an interaction of Shizuru and Natsuki from Natsuki's POV. I know this is mostly Shizuru's story, but the big developments here are mostly on Natsuki's part, and the rest of the fic really has to be from Shizuru's POV. I know probably no one is going to mind; I just felt like explaining my reasoning.

I've also decided to relent and keep with the Japanese terms "ikezu" and "baka" rather than translating them, as you've probably noticed from the above section. For ikezu, it's too iconic of Shizuru in the fandom to translate it away, and for baka, the connotations aren't quite carried over to English.

And of course, much thanks and love for centauri2002 for betaing this.

* * *

**Title:** What Dreams May Come 

**Rating: **T

**Chapter 9:** Love's Dawn

* * *

_Ara, Natsuki, you're such a sweet friend. I don't think I ever really appreciated before how hard this must be for you. I guess I should probably explain how I got to thinking about this._

_A couple days ago, I went to talk with Yukino-san, to try to patch things up with her. I wanted to do something nice for her and help her out to make things up to her, so I started up a conversation with her about her feelings for Suzushiro-san. It turns out Yukino feels much the same way for her as I do for you, so I felt that I might be able to offer her some advice, since I'd gone through the same thing. I told her that she should go ahead and tell Suzushiro-san about her feelings, and she, being a good friend to Yukino, would be accepting of them._

_I know that you reacted with disgust when you first learned about how I felt about you, but I think that was more because of the fact that I'd taken advantage of you and you felt betrayed by me. After that had faded, you were very accepting of how I felt. Maybe I projected a bit of that onto Suzushiro-san, as I thought she would be just as accepting, and if she found out in a controlled manner, she wouldn't even have the initial burst of disgust._

_But I was wrong. It wasn't anywhere near that easy. When Yukino-san told her, Suzushiro-san ran off in fear without saying a word. She then figured out that I'd talked to Yukino-san and gave me an angry phone call. I was able to trick her into going back to see Yukino-san, but things still aren't going to be easy for them. I think that Suzushiro-san really does feel something for Yukino-san, and it's these feelings that are scaring her. I hope that, for the sake of her friend, she'll be able to overcome her fear and prejudice._

_Thinking about all of this makes me realize how lucky I am to have you. You were able to accept my feelings, and then you went on to face your own. I know that right now you're likely wrestling with them, trying to figure out somehow if what you feel is love or just friendship, and I'm so grateful that you're willing to do that for me. I almost feel like I should be doing more to help you out._

_I know you'll probably bring up that I spent a couple years slowly working to bring you out of your shell before all this, but that hardly felt like work to me. I enjoyed every minute of it, and every time you opened up a bit more and were able to show a bit more emotion to me, my glee was immeasurable._

_You know, that really makes it hard for me to do favors for you now. Everything I do for you ends up making me happy as well. Even with those coupons I gave you, I know that whatever you could possibly ask me to do for you will make me happy just to please you. Maybe though, if you ever start to feel the same way, we could find a sort of balance, with each of us constantly trying to please the other. That's certainly a life worth working towards._

_Your devoted servant,_

_Shizuru_

* * *

Muddled thoughts drifted into clarity as Natsuki slowly realized that she was awake. She was a bit disappointed to be torn from her dreams, but one thought gave her solace: Shizuru was going to be taking care of her today. With this thought, she let a smile form on her face as she rolled over in her bed to wrap her arms around a pillow and hug it to her chest. 

The pillow she was hugging now had actually been a gift from Shizuru. She'd given it to Natsuki with little explanation after the Carnival. It was too bulky to be able to rest her head on it as she slept, and was probably intended to prop her up when sitting or something. She'd thrown it onto her bed when she'd gotten it, but it wasn't until she'd woken up hugging it to her chest in the morning that she'd realized what Shizuru had intended it for. How Shizuru had figured out that Natsuki would like something like that baffled her, so she just chalked it up to Shizuru being her usual frighteningly perceptive self.

A soft noise interrupted Natsuki's reverie. She couldn't quite identify it, but it brought back memories of waking up under Shizuru's gaze a couple days ago. So maybe that was it, then. Shizuru was already here watching over her as she slept. Natsuki couldn't help letting her smile grow a bit wider at the thought. She thought about opening her eyes to greet her friend, but decided to put it off for a bit and just relax under the sensation of letting Shizuru watch her over her.

As she let her thoughts drift about her relationship with Shizuru, they eventually came upon the realization that at this moment she actually had a bit of an advantage over Shizuru, who still thought she was asleep. Shizuru usually managed to keep her off-balance through most of their encounters with her incessant teasing, and it was a rare occasion that Natsuki got to return the favor. She wasn't going to pass up the opportunity now.

Natsuki let out a soft moan in her "sleep," and followed this up by muttering, "Shizuru…" A soft gasp from above her bed told Natsuki that she'd hit her mark. Now it was time to go for the gold. "Shizuru… I love…" – a much louder gasp now – "mayonnaise…"

Natsuki cracked an eye open to catch Shizuru's face turning beet red as she bit down on her bottom lip, possibly to avoid screaming out and waking Natsuki. She must have caught either Natsuki's eye or the smirk on her face, though, as she suddenly brought an arm down to slap Natsuki's shoulder. "Ikezu!"

The charade up, Natsuki rolled over onto her back to face up to Shizuru and let her laughter break free. "I'm sorry," she said between chuckles. "It was just too good an opportunity!"

Shizuru's face had locked up into her fake pout as she fumed about Natsuki getting the better of her. Normally that pout would have torn at Natsuki's heart, but she was too caught up in her laughter to care about it. Shizuru apparently sensed it wasn't enough, so she spoke out in a pathetic voice, "Natsuki shouldn't play with my feelings like that, especially when she's making me wait to hear an answer to just that question…"

"Not going to work, Shizuru," Natsuki said. She'd suppressed her chuckles, but she could still feel a huge grin splitting her face. "I got you good this time and I'm not going to let you ruin my victory!"

Shizuru sighed and relaxed her face out of her pout. She dropped down to sit on the edge of the bed and softly glared at Natsuki. Natsuki in turn couldn't help one last gesture to run in her victory and she stuck her tongue out at Shizuru. The next thing she knew, Shizuru had dived on her and taken Natsuki's tongue into her mouth.

Natsuki barely had the consciousness to let out a muffled gasp as she was forced into the kiss. A thought of pushing Shizuru off passed through her mind, but it was pushed away in favor of pure sensation as Shizuru's lips closed around her tongue and it met up with Shizuru's own, which flicked it playfully back and forth. As she relaxed into the feelings, she felt Shizuru's tongue slide up her own and sneak its way into her mouth.

Natsuki was lost in the sensations of the delicate dance between their two tongues. She gasped for breath as their lips temporarily parted, before bringing her hands to the back of Shizuru's head to pull her back for more. Natsuki's instincts took over control of her lips and tongue as her conscious mind occupied itself with simply cataloguing every sensation that passed through her body, hoping to identify it later.

Her heart was racing a mile a minute as she struggled to get in whatever air she could through her nose. Heat had spread across her chest, bringing with it the need to keep Shizuru close to her and in their embrace. Wave after wave of some other sensation she still didn't know how to describe coursed through her stomach, almost like an ache but feeling quite good instead of painful.

And then it was all gone. As quickly as the kiss had started, Shizuru had broken away. Natsuki gasped in abandonment, her chest still burning with a need to have Shizuru close to her. Shizuru, however, had somehow relaxed her face into her standard small smile as she looked back at Natsuki, one eyebrow raised in amusement at her frustration. "And now we're even," Shizuru said.

Natsuki felt her face heat up in a blush as she regained her senses and realized what had just happened. Shizuru had forced her into a kiss and she'd not only let her, but been mad when it was over. _Has she figured out my feelings before me?_ She felt her blush deepen further and figured her face was probably purple by this point.

"B-baka!" she said in an attempt to cover her embarrassment. Shizuru looked at her inquiringly. _Need an excuse… oh, right, of course. _"Are you actually trying to get infected with my flu?"

A flash of surprise went through Shizuru's eyes, but it was quickly covered up. "Ara, if it's a gift from my Natsuki, how could I say no?" she said with a glint in her eye.

"So, I'm 'your Natsuki' now, am I?" Natsuki said. She put a joking expression on her face, trying to hide her suspicion that Shizuru really had figured out her feelings. _No… no, she's probably just reading too much into that kiss. I guess I really should have considered how it would affect her, getting kissed like that by the girl she's loved for so long. No surprise she's like this._

"You can call me 'your Shizuru' if you want." The look in Shizuru's eyes was now almost frightening in its mischievousness. She rotated her body to face Natsuki full-on, bringing a leg up on the bed, which pressed up against Natsuki's body. Knowing Shizuru, that was probably quite intentional.

"And I'll _be_ 'your Shizuru' if you want," Shizuru continued in a sultry voice, which caused heat to rise in Natsuki's chest despite her best efforts to simply be embarrassed. Shizuru dramatically threw herself back across the bed and Natsuki's lap. "Take me! Ravish me! My body is yours for the taking… for the price of one little coupon." Shizuru turned her head to Natsuki and gave her a quick wink, before reverting to her normal stoic expression and sitting up as if nothing had happened.

Natsuki growled at Shizuru as she tried to figure out why she wasn't blushing uncontrollably at this. "You'd like that, wouldn't you? What makes you think I'd use one of those coupons for something like that anyways?"

"Ara, no reason," Shizuru said with a distinct lilt to her voice. She pushed herself up from the bed and started walking to the door. She said over her shoulder, "Now, I'm going to go make you a nice, hearty breakfast. You'll need your strength to fight the flu, even if you show no signs of it aside from using it to get out of kissing me. You can take this chance to take a nice, cold shower."

Natsuki's eyes widened as a blush spread to her face. "Don't you go implying that! You're the one who needs a cold shower here!"

"Ara?" Shizuru said, stopping at the doorway with that mischievous glint back in her eye. "But Natsuki's the one with the fever. What could she think I might need the cold shower for?"

Shizuru slipped out of the room just in time to avoid hearing Natsuki's exasperated sigh of "Shizuru..."

* * *

"Can we talk seriously for a bit, Shizuru?" Natsuki asked. Shizuru had noticed Natsuki's growing boredom throughout the day, and had done her best to keep her friend entertained. Unfortunately, this meant that Natsuki experienced a day filled with teasing, joking, and a stolen kiss every time she let her guard down – Shizuru seemed to really want to contract Natsuki's flu, or maybe she was just beyond caring. 

She wanted to be mad at her friend for repeatedly forcing that on her before she'd fully come to terms with her feelings, but she just didn't have the heart. She knew she'd brought it on herself when she'd initiated their kiss a couple days before, inadvertently letting Shizuru know that the bar for acceptable conduct in their relationship had been raised. Besides that, Shizuru seemed to be happier than Natsuki had ever seen her, and she couldn't bear to take that away.

But beyond all that, the kisses just felt nice, and with every one she felt like she was closer to pinning down her feelings. However, she never quite seemed to get there, and there was one last thing she had to try. It was time to get Shizuru to be serious for a moment, and ask her about what she felt.

"Alright, Natsuki. What's on your mind?" Shizuru had dropped her mischievous smirk as she said this and adopted a smile that Natsuki was beginning to recognize. It was similar to her default smile, but just a bit wider, and it brought with it an expression of fondness in her eyes. Natsuki caught Shizuru's gaze at this and tried to return the smile as best as she could to thank her friend, which just resulted in Shizuru's smile widening further.

"You can sit down, Shizuru, this might take some time," Natsuki said, motioning to the spot on the side of her bed that she already thought of as Shizuru's. The girl nodded at her and took a seat. She rested her hand on Natsuki's knee and gave her an expectant but patient gaze. Natsuki took a deep breath as she searched for the right words to delve into the conversation. "Shizuru… when did you figure out that you loved me?"

The question didn't seem to surprise Shizuru as much as Natsuki had thought it would. She gave a knowing nod and smile at it, as if she'd been expecting it. "Hmm, now let me see," she said, bringing her finger up to her chin in a "thinking" pose. "I always knew there was something special about Natsuki. You stood out to me for some reason. That was why I approached you and befriended you."

"I've always wondered why you did that," Natsuki said. "So you're saying it was just an instinct sort of thing?"

"I've always had good instincts," Shizuru said, with a little extra smile. "And in this case they were right on. Natsuki is very special." Natsuki had seen that one coming, but she still couldn't help a slight blush rising to her cheeks. "As I slowly got to know you, I figured out that something terrible had happened to you, and you were trying to do something to set things right. Eventually I figured out what you were up to, but not for a while.

"Even when I didn't know what you were doing, I wanted to help you, but there wasn't much I could do. I just did what I could to try to heal your emotional wounds and get you to open up. One day, though, you came asking me for help and I realized what I could do for you. I'm sure you remember it, when you mentioned to me that you'd heard student representatives had privileged access on the school intranet, and wanted to know if I could use mine to help you. As you know, my access wasn't good enough to help you out, but after you left, I made a decision. I headed to the Student Council office and signed myself up as a nominee for President."

"You did that for me?" Natsuki said. There was that weird feeling in her stomach again. Did it mean that she felt touched that Shizuru would do something like that for her?

"I didn't think too much about it at the time," Shizuru said. Her eyes were still focused on Natsuki, but they seemed a bit hazy. She was a bit lost in thought, Natsuki figured. "It wasn't until after I won the election that I really started to think about what I'd gotten myself into and why I'd done it. It wasn't until Natsuki came to see me that I remembered why I'd entered the race. You were so shy and awkward then, and had fought down your nervousness and unease to come and congratulate me.

"I remembered then that I'd done it for you. But you'd approached me, and you were happy for my victory. You didn't even seem to have a thought on your mind at the time of taking advantage of the computer access I'd get. You were just happy for me." Shizuru broke eye contact with Natsuki and turned her head away. Her voice had nearly cracked at the end of her last sentence, and Natsuki wondered what Shizuru was feeling at that moment. Did she feel the same type of sensations Natsuki did?

"That was the first time I considered that I might love you," Shizuru said. Her voice was almost painfully stable, as if struggling not to show a hint of emotion. "Why else would I do something like that, just to see the smile on your face? I knew you wouldn't welcome that kind of love though. It was hard enough getting you to accept me simply as a friend, I knew I couldn't push you too far. So I held myself back from admitting it, even to myself, for the longest time."

Shizuru paused in her speech. She was trying to hold something back, to keep control of herself. Natsuki couldn't know for sure what it was, but she could tell that her friend was struggling with her emotions now. She needed to help her now, and the solution was simple. She propped herself up on her elbows and pulled her legs back to bring her to a sitting position behind Shizuru, and then wrapped her arms around Shizuru's shoulders to pull her against her body.

"It's alright Shizuru, I'm glad you finally admitted it," Natsuki said as she brought her head to rest on Shizuru's shoulder. "I'm happy that you love me."

Shizuru gasped, jerking slightly in Natsuki's arms. "Natsuki…" she whispered. The word was barely audible, but Natsuki could hear that Shizuru had poured out as much emotion as she could into it. Her heart throbbed in her chest upon hearing it. It certainly was nice to be loved. Natsuki then found herself wishing that Shizuru could feel that way as well.

_Well, I guess it's time to find out if I can let her. Just one last thing I need to know; it's now or never_. "Shizuru," Natsuki said softly into her friend's ear. "There's just one more thing I need to ask you." Shizuru gave a small nod at this. "Please, could you tell me how it feels – what you feel – when I do this?"

Shizuru's neck immediately stiffened and a blush spread across the cheek Natsuki could see from her position. Her instincts certainly were good, and she knew what was coming. Natsuki brought her hand back to rest on Shizuru's shoulder and push her head forward. She made sure to do it as slowly and tenderly as possible, hoping to make sure Shizuru felt everything she might possibly feel.

Natsuki turned her head in and planted her lips softly on Shizuru's cheek, just as Shizuru had done to her a few days ago. She held them there for a while, feeling the heat rising in Shizuru's cheek as her blush deepened. When she was afraid that Shizuru was about to pass out from the blood rushing to her head, she released the suction from her kiss and pulled her lips back. She then turned her head back and rested it in the crook of Shizuru's neck.

Shizuru was silent after this, but Natsuki could feel her breathing deeply. When it seemed that Shizuru wasn't planning to say anything, Natsuki reminded her of her question. "Shizuru. Please, this is important. Tell me what you feel now."

It took another moment for Shizuru to reply. Her voice was weak, and she was having trouble keeping all her emotions from flooding out, judging by the constantly varying tone. "I feel… like this is a dream. It's more than I ever expected to get from you… especially this soon. It's too much."

"I know, Shizuru. I know," Natsuki said. She brought her hand back and used it to start rubbing what she could reach of Shizuru's back. Shizuru started to shiver lightly under her touch. A wave of warmth coursed through Natsuki's chest, and she started to feel a bit bad for how her friend was struggling. _I don't want you to have to hold yourself back like this, Shizuru. But I need to know, I need to be sure._ "But… I mean, physically. What sensations do you feel? Like, a wave of warmth going through your chest?"

Shizuru gave a quick nod. "…Yeah, and sometimes, like an ache. It doesn't hurt, it just tells me… I need you, Natsuki." The blush had started to fade from Shizuru's cheeks, but it returned in full force as she said this.

The other girl couldn't see it, but Natsuki's face had gone into just as much of a blush at the comment as well. It wasn't because of the "I need you" part; she knew that. It was because she was finally sure. _Everything fits. I love you, Shizuru. I'm _in love_ with you._ A smile split across Natsuki's face as she thought this. It was right. She was sure now.

She wanted to tell Shizuru now, to take her worry away. But, it just didn't feel right. She'd barely felt the effects of her flu all day, but she knew she had it, and was still contagious. Shizuru had already been pressing her luck too much with all her kisses. If they started making out now, as she knew they would if she admitted her feelings, Shizuru would get sick for sure. Natsuki didn't like keeping her friend worrying, but she just couldn't risk letting her get sick like that.

She had to say something, though. She couldn't let this moment pass in silence. "Shizuru, I… I don't want you to get sick from me. You've pressed your luck enough already. But, once I'm better, I promise, I'll give you my answer then." _There. If she can't figure out my answer from that, she's not the Shizuru I've grown to love. But I still have time to prepare to actually give it to her, to make it perfect._

Another shiver coursed through Shizuru. "Alright," she said. Her voice was steady, but it wasn't controlled. She was speaking openly, her love for Natsuki lacing every word. "I'd wait a lifetime for Natsuki to be ready. I can wait a few more days."

"Thank you, Shizuru," Natsuki said. She wrapped her arms back around Shizuru and cuddled up to her. _I'll make it worth the wait, I promise. I'll make it the best night of your life; I owe that to you._


	10. The Machinations of Fujino Shizuru

**Japanese used in this Chapter:**

_Enka_ – A uniquely Japanese style of music

**Author's Note:** Sorry this one took a bit of time to get out, but it's a bit longer than usual. I also had quite a bit of work I had to do this last week. Nevertheless, I think you'll find it's been worth the wait.

Also, much thanks to all the betaing work centauri2002 has done for me so far, and I've decided to officially dedicate this fic to her. You know why. ;) (If you're saying to yourself, "Wait, I don't know why," then you're not the one I'm talking to.)

* * *

**Title:** What Dreams May Come

**Rating: **T (bordering on M this chapter, will cross the border next chapter)

**Chapter 10:** The Machinations of Fujino Shizuru

* * *

_Ara… This is too much, Natsuki. I can barely write right now; it's taking all my energy just to keep myself seated at my desk and not jumping for joy. My Natsuki has finally decided! Yes, you're "my Natsuki" now, and I know you're going to enjoy it. I'm certainly going to enjoy being "your Shizuru."_

_I really wish you didn't have to keep me waiting until you were actually ready to say it, but I can understand. I wouldn't care about getting sick myself just to be with you, especially since it would mean I'd get my personal Nurse Natsuki, but I guess you just can't let yourself do that to me if you can help it._

_That's probably not all, though. I know how hard it is for you to face your feelings. Could it be that you're still a bit scared and need the time to get your courage up? You really don't have to worry, Natsuki. I know I've fantasized about doing a lot of things to you that would scare you off if I told you right now, but I have no intentions of pushing you into it before you're ready. You don't have to fear me pouncing on you and ravishing you as soon as you give me your decision._

_I take no responsibility for what I may do to you in my dreams, though._

_Your love,_

_Shizuru_

* * *

_It's finally going to happen tonight! I'm sorry, I'm just too excited right now. I don't know how I'll ever be able to wait the rest of the day. Maybe I could spend it running intricate fantasies through my mind of what we could do once you confess your feelings. Or, maybe I could work a little bit more on the plans I have for you tonight._

_That's right, I've got my own devious little scheme set up to help get you in the mood. I wasn't originally planning to do this, but things just kind of feel into my lap. What happened is that yesterday, I got a call from Mai saying that she was planning to throw a karaoke party to celebrate you recovering tomorrow (she'll use any excuse to do some karaoke, won't she?). Don't worry, I made her promise not to force you to sing; it is supposed to be your party after all._

_Well anyways, Mai revealed to me that she'd been talking with you and knew what was going on. It was kind of embarrassing to hear that you'd told her, but her news that you were better made me no longer care about such trivialities. She told me that she thought it might be a good idea for me to do something special for you after the party, to help you relax and feel a bit more comfortable about things. So, that's just what I've decided to do. I'm still trying to decide between a few things, but of course, by the time you'll be reading this you'll know what I decided, so I won't bore you with the details now. Until tonight._

_Your date for tonight,_

_Shizuru_

* * *

Shizuru checked her watch as she approached the door to the karaoke room Mai had rented: 7:12 p.m. Perfect. She was just late enough for Natsuki to start wondering where she was, but not so late she'd start worrying. Coming in now would allow her to see a precious moment of joy on Natsuki's face as she forgot herself in front of their friends.

Setting her mask carefully in place, Shizuru opened the door and walked determinedly into the room. She quickly caught sight of Natsuki and shifted her gait to walk straight towards the other girl. As Natsuki caught sight of her, her face lit up with exactly the joy Shizuru had been counting on. In response, Shizuru allowed her mask to slip just a little and let her eyes reveal emotions she'd had to hold back for so long, but would finally be able to release this night.

Natsuki seemed to almost be in a trance as she gazed back into Shizuru's eyes. As Shizuru got closer, she let herself gaze deep into Natsuki's brilliant viridian eyes, filled with a little nervousness, some determination, and… Yes, that was certainly love there. It was the same soft emotion Shizuru had seen when Natsuki had leaned in to kiss her earlier that week, and they'd both finally been able to identify it.

As Shizuru thought about their earlier kiss, she felt herself being drawn towards Natsuki's lips. She let herself glide towards them, bending down to meet her… and felt her leg bump into another leg which was most definitely not attached to Natsuki. Her eyes snapped down to it, then trailed up the attached body until they found a face which was trying its best not to burst out into laughter.

"Forgive me, Tokiha-san," Shizuru said, reverting her face back to her classic smile. "But I do believe you're sitting in my seat right now." A spurt of muffled laughter came from behind Shizuru. She hadn't been paying attention to who was on that side of the room, so she couldn't accurately identify it. Nao seemed like a likely candidate, though.

Mai smiled back at Shizuru and gave her a quick wink. "Oh, it's no problem. I was actually saving it for you, after all." Mai pushed Mikoto, who had clung onto her right side, off farther down the seat and slid over to make room for Shizuru. "Though you might want to consider showing up on time if you want a good seat in the future. You kept us all waiting, you know."

"Ara, was I late?" Shizuru lilted as she turned around to take her seat, casually letting her left arm fall across Natsuki's shoulders but pointedly looking away from her and at Mai. "Forgive me, but I had some last-minute preparations that just couldn't wait."

As Shizuru turned her head back, she got her first chance to take a look at the other residents of the room. Nao was sitting on the right side, sipping a drink as she tried to avoid making eye contact with anyone in the room. To the left of Nao were Yukino and – to Shizuru's relief – Haruka. Yukino caught Shizuru's gaze and gave her a smile. A quick flick of her eyes pointed out she currently had her hand wrapped around Haruka's.

Haruka appeared quite stiff and nervous, and her eyes kept darting back and forth as if daring anyone to make mention of what her hand happened to be doing. When she caught Shizuru looking at her, though, her eyes quickly flicked away and a pink tinge filled her cheeks. Shizuru looked back at Yukino and gave her a proud smile. Yukino smiled back and mouthed a quick "Thank you" to Shizuru.

"Ahem!" Mai had stood up and clapped her hands together to get everyone's attention. "Chie and Aoi weren't able to make it on such short notice, and as you know, Midori-chan's off adventuring in the Middle East and Sister Yukariko is in no condition to be partying. This means that with Fujino-san finally here, we've got everyone, and it's time for karaoke!"

Mai struck a cheerful pose as if expecting an outpouring of applause. When the only response she received was a snort from Nao, her expression sunk. "Well, since Nao-san seems to be the most enthusiastic of the bunch of you – and that's certainly not saying much – I think I'll give her the privilege of going first."

Nao's eyes widened in rage and she nearly choked on her drink. After a coughing spurt she exclaimed, "What!? You can't make me do that! I'm pretty sure it's a sin to force a nun to make a fool of herself."

"Uh-uh," Mai said, shaking her finger at Nao. "You're not a nun yet, are you? As long as you're a novice and in my karaoke room, I can make you sing whatever I want. You should just be grateful I'm in a merciful mood tonight and am going to let everyone pick their own song, or I'd have you do something _really_ embarrassing."

Nao gave a long, low growl at Mai. "Is it too late for me to just leave now?"

"Not if you don't mind me telling Chie it's alright for her to make a little extra money selling the pictures she took of you at the party last week." Nao visibly deflated at this. With a sigh and a bowed head, she got up to search through the computer for a tolerable song.

As Natsuki started laughing at Nao's predicament, Shizuru was reminded of the reason she'd come to this party in the first place. With that in mind, she let her left arm curl around to start rubbing Natsuki's shoulder. In a surprising move, Natsuki responded by pushing her body over to rub right up against Shizuru's side and leaned her head to rest on Shizuru's shoulder.

Shizuru's heart started to race from feeling Natsuki press against her, and a light blush spread to her cheeks. She quickly got control over herself and suppressed the blush, hoping no one else had noticed. _I know what you're trying to do, Natsuki, and it's just going to make me need to get even. Though tonight, I wonder if that's actually your plan? Well, far be it for me to disappoint you…_

* * *

As the party proceeded, Shizuru took more and more liberties with her covert teasing of Natsuki, reveling in the reactions she was able to provoke. First was letting her left hand drift down to caress Natsuki's back, which had prompted Natsuki to shift her position to expose more of her back to Shizuru. It also had the unfortunate side effect of preventing Shizuru from seeing if she was making Natsuki blush, but she'd seen it enough times that she could content herself imagining it.

With her attention focused solely on Natsuki, Shizuru was barely aware of the activities of the other girls and the songs they sang. She was idly aware of Yukino dragging Haruka up on stage for some duet at one point, and Mai seemed to be singing a fair number more songs than was rightfully her share, though of course, no one was complaining. As Shizuru glanced at the clock, she realized that the time Mai had booked the room for was getting to an end, and there was likely only time for one more song. Seeing as she was the one outside of Natsuki who had yet to sing, she had a good guess who was going to be the grand finale of the little party.

By this point, Shizuru had progressed to tenderly massaging Natsuki's neck and shoulders. It was amazing how much she could enjoy just simply being able to touch Natsuki without the other girl cringing away. She didn't know how she'd be able to handle it when Natsuki would eventually allow her to touch her in even more intimate places.

A devious smile spread across Shizuru's face as she realized that she still had yet to properly get back at Natsuki for making her blush earlier, and she was soon to run out of time. _Let's see just how intimate you're willing to let me be. Feel free to stop me with a blush anytime._

Shizuru removed her left hand from Natsuki's shoulder, which prompted an immediate groan of discontent from the girl. She relaxed, though, when it made contact with her side and started rubbing downwards. As it reached the curve of Natsuki's hip, Shizuru paused. _So far, so good. Now, let's see that blush!_ Shizuru let her hand dive down and gave Natsuki's left butt-cheek a tender squeeze.

If she'd done that a few months ago, Natsuki would have jumped halfway across the room. A few weeks ago she would have gasped, blushed, and grabbed Shizuru's hand away. But today, Natsuki's reaction was simply a moan of pleasure. She must have progressed in her own feelings a lot more than Shizuru had thought.

However, Shizuru wasn't in the mood quite yet to revel in that. She'd sworn to make Natsuki blush, and that was what she was going to do. With her left hand now massaging Natsuki's bum, she allowed her right hand to drift off of Natsuki's shoulder and down her side as well. However, this hand had a different target from the other. It stopped right above Natsuki's hip and found the spot where Natsuki's HiME mark used to be.

Natsuki let out a gasp as Shizuru made contact with this point. With a grin, Shizuru proceeded to press her advantage, rubbing in on that spot. This elicited another gasp from Natsuki, and she started trembling. Her head stiffly turned around to face Shizuru, revealing the blush Shizuru had been waiting all night to see. "Shizuru… no fair…"

"What's no fair is that you made me work so hard for a simple blush," Shizuru said, removing her hand to hold it in a scolding gesture. She leaned her head in to whisper into Natsuki's ear, "Though if you want fair, I just might have the same weakness myself. Of course, now that my HiME mark has faded, you'll have to manually test every square inch of my body to find it. I'm up for it if you are." Shizuru gave a low purr and pulled her head back, letting it take a quick detour to give Natsuki a peck on the cheek she was sure no one else would be able to see. As the girl's face flushed an even deeper red, Shizuru felt a throbbing in her chest at the sight.

"Alright Fujino-san," Mai announced, bringing Shizuru out of her Natsuki-induced trance. "Last song of the night, and you're the only one left to sing. So come on, pick a song."

"Ara, I guess I'd better go then," she said to Natsuki, gracing her with a heartfelt smile before she replaced it with her normal grin. She removed her left hand from its intimate position and gave Natsuki a pat on the shoulder as she rose.

Shizuru went over to the computer and started browsing its selection of songs. Almost all of the songs were either J-pop or Western imports, likely to appeal to the expected tastes of the younger generation. _Come on, they have to have at least one enka song in here… Aha, here we go: Kawa no nagare no yo ni, figures that would be their token enka song. I'd prefer something a bit more romantic, but I guess this will do. _Making her selection, Shizuru walked over to the changing room, giving those of the girls who were watching her a quick wave before disappearing.

After a quick perusal of the outfits available, Shizuru picked out a flimsy kimono with a sigh. It wasn't of very good quality, certainly not compared to the ones she was used to wearing, but that was to be expected of whatever they'd keep here as a costume. Nevertheless, you just couldn't sing enka without a kimono, and this was the only one they had.

Shizuru changed into the kimono, taking care to make sure everything was perfectly in place. It might not have been the best kimono, but if she couldn't make it look perfect on her, then she wasn't Fujino Shizuru. Once everything was perfect, she pushed the curtain aside and strolled up onto the stage, her face in a perfectly graceful expression. When she reached the microphone, she gave a bow and caught Natsuki's gaze on the way up.

Natsuki was quick to cover up her expression, but it was too late; Shizuru had seen the admiration in her eyes. _Ara, my Natsuki thinks I'm pretty up here!_ Shizuru had to restrain herself from letting a giddy grin break out across her face. It wouldn't do to lose her grace in front of everyone else. There'd be plenty of time for that when she had Natsuki alone.

To distract herself from the thoughts she knew were about to follow, Shizuru broke eye contact with Natsuki and looked over at Mai. She gave her a nod to signal that she was ready for the music to start. Mai nodded back and pressed a button on the computer terminal. She turned back to Shizuru and gave her a thumbs-up as the music started to play.

Shizuru let her eyes close as her body started to sway to the music. She didn't need to read the words for this song; she'd learned it long ago in grade school and her affinity for enka meant that it had never slipped her mind. This gave her the freedom to allow her eyes to latch onto Natsuki when she reopened them and started to sing.

Though she started singing in perfect control, it started to slip as she felt herself being drawn into Natsuki's brilliant eyes, which had also slipped back into a gaze of admiration. With a mental sigh, she decided to switch gears and simply poured out all of her emotion into her singing. With Natsuki on her mind, this of course was mostly love, which didn't quite fit the song. But it was still passionate, and at least Natsuki seemed to be enjoying it.

Eventually the song came to a close, and Shizuru forced herself to look away from Natsuki to gauge the reaction of the rest of the room. It turned out to be unnecessary, as the enthusiastic cheering from Mai, Mikoto, and Yukino would have drawn her attention in any case. Even Haruka and Nao were giving her encouraging applause. Natsuki finally joined in as well when she broke out of her daze.

Trying to suppress a blush at the overwhelming reaction, Shizuru gave a thankful bow before moving offstage. She returned to the changing room to put her own clothes back on, and then rejoined the group, taking back her seat by Natsuki. She wasted no time in slipping her left arm back around Natsuki's shoulders and pulling the girl into her, prompting a barely-restrained giggle from her.

"Alright, last round of drinks is ready, if you can free your hands, Fujino-san," Nao had snuck up while Shizuru was distracted with Natsuki, carrying a tray of paper cups filled with what looked like fruit punch. Shizuru reached out to take one with her free hand, but Nao snatched the one she was going for away from her and pushed it on Natsuki. "Here you go, Kuga. Drink up."

Natsuki accepted the drink with a shrug, but Shizuru's suspicions flared up as she took another cup from the tray. There was certainly no love lost between the two girls, and Nao might have been a bit peeved that Natsuki didn't have to sing tonight. It also seemed to be just her style to spike Natsuki's drink, most likely with a laxative or something else embarrassing. That was certainly not what she needed tonight, and Shizuru vowed to make Nao's life a living hell if it turned out to be the case, forgiveness and reparations be damned.

"Wait a second, Natsuki," Shizuru said softly after Nao had turned away, grasping Natsuki's arm to stop her from drinking. Better to be safe than sorry. "Let me check something."

Natsuki gave a shrug and placed her drink down as Shizuru got up and approached Mai. She took the girl over to a corner for a somewhat private conversation. "Tokiha-san," she said. "Did you see Nao-san pour the drinks? She was acting somewhat oddly in handing one to Natsuki."

Mai's brow furrowed and she shook her head slightly. "Don't worry, I saw her pour them. She didn't slip anything into any of them. How was she acting oddly anyways?"

"Oh, just grabbing a cup away from me and giving it to Natsuki," Shizuru said.

"Heh, well I wouldn't worry about that," Mai said, a smile creeping across her face. "Nao-san probably just had it on her mind to be a little nice to Natsuki. She's still not the most socially-adept person, but I think she's making an effort to make amends as best as she can. Don't worry so much, okay?"

Shizuru let out a relieved chuckle. _I guess I'm not the only one trying to make things right now. Sorry, Nao-san._ "Alright, thank you, Mai-san," she said, figuring it was about time she dropped a bit of the formalities with the girl. She was Natsuki's other best friend, after all.

"No problem… Shizuru-san," Mai replied. She gave a smile to make up for her hesitance, and then headed out to rejoin the group.

Shizuru followed Mai back, and retook her seat by Natsuki. "So is it safe to drink?" Natsuki asked her half-jokingly.

"Yes, you may go right ahead," Shizuru said, patting Natsuki's leg.

Natsuki smiled at her and took a sip. She then used her free hand to grab a hold of Shizuru's hand from her leg and wrapped it back around her shoulders, moving back in to press up against the now-blushing Shizuru. "You make a good pillow, you know that?" Natsuki said.

"Ara, does this mean that, like a pillow, Natsuki wishes to sleep with me?" Shizuru teased, in part to get back at Natsuki for the blush she'd just suffered.

Her tactic didn't work, though. The response it garnered was instead Natsuki turning her head to whisper into Shizuru's ear, "I think you'll find out soon enough."

Shizuru felt her face turn beet red. _I see you're learning how to tease quite well yourself, Natsuki. But I'm still the master, and as long as I am, you can expect to pay back double for such insolence. Just wait until you see what I've got planned for you after this._

* * *

"Okay, if we're here, can I take the blindfold off now, Shizuru?" Natsuki asked.

Shizuru let out a light chuckle. "Not quite yet. There's one little thing I have to do first."

"Alright, go ahead." Natsuki sighed, and she probably also rolled her eyes behind the blindfold.

"Okay, remember when you teased me about sleeping with me earlier? Well, it's time for you to pay for that now," Shizuru said, sidestepping behind Natsuki and bringing her hands into place for her attack.

"Hey, you were the one who brought that subject up! Don't dish it out if you can't ta- oh…" Natsuki trailed off into a moan as Shizuru's hand found its target, pressing in once more on the sensitive spot above her right hip. Shizuru's other arm wrapped around Natsuki's chest and pulled her back, making her body press up against Shizuru's. Shizuru then pressed her chest out to make sure Natsuki knew exactly which parts of her physique were pressed up against her – though Shizuru definitely wasn't complaining about the sparks that ran through her at the contact.

Natsuki's breath had quickened, and she started panting as Shizuru pressed in harder and started to massage what she had started to think of as Natsuki's "pleasure button." Before long, Shizuru felt an additional weight against her, and realized that Natsuki's legs had weakened. Natsuki was crumbling in her arms. She could have taken her right there, and probably not face any resistance. But it wasn't right, she had to be ready on her own. It would be wrong to push her into this, especially when there was so much left to do that night.

Reluctantly, Shizuru removed her hand from Natsuki's side and brought it up to help support the girl as she caught her breath and regained her strength. As she did so, eventually Natsuki regained enough coherence of thought to pant out, "I still say that's not fair."

"Hmm, well my offer to let you search for my own sensitive spot still stands," Shizuru murmured. Her mind drifted off to a fantasy of Natsuki doing just that as a wave of warmth filled her chest.

"I may have to take you up on that," Natsuki said, and the warmth promptly spread to Shizuru's face. _Damn you, Natsuki. I'm never going to get even at this rate! As much as it hurts my pride to admit, I guess you've won for tonight; I can't push you any further without really being unfair. Time for your reward, then, I guess._

"For now, I think you can just take off the blindfold," Shizuru said, releasing Natsuki from her grasp so the girl had room to maneuver her arms around. She stepped around in front of Natsuki and spread her arms as the blindfold was removed. "Ta-da!"

Natsuki's eyes widened in surprise, then sunk into an expression of desire. "W-What is this?"

"Well… I was thinking, and I remembered another time I hurt you. When that lingerie-stealing Orphan attacked, it was my plan which cost you your entire collection. So…" Shizuru swept her arms across the room, pointing out the racks of lingerie spread around the store, "I'm going to help you top it off now with some of the best. Choose any five outfits you want, and they're all on me. Price is absolutely no problem."

Natsuki's eyes lit up like a kid in a candy store, and she darted past Shizuru to the back of the store, where the expensive, designer pieces were kept. A broad smile spread across Shizuru's face at seeing Natsuki so excited. _Working here sure does come in handy sometimes. And this time, I'm not going to be left with any regrets of taking advantage of her._

Shizuru's mind drifted back to her first trip to the this store with Natsuki. For a while, she'd thought of it as one of the happiest moments of her life. When Natsuki finally knocked some sense into her, though, it became one of the moments she most regretted. She'd taken advantage of her friend, and used helping her try on bras as an excuse to grope her breasts, almost bringing her to the point of orgasm when she'd also lucked onto finding out how sensitive Natsuki's HiME mark was.

Shizuru shook her head. That was all in the past now. Natsuki no longer recoiled from her touch, and it wouldn't be long at all before she'd seek it out herself. She'd given the girl a coupon for that particular incident, and hopefully Natsuki would find a good use for it so Shizuru could finally stop regretting what she'd done. Until that time, doing this favor for her friend tonight would at least serve to create some better memories for this store.

"Hey, Shizuru!" Natsuki yelled out from the changing room, drawing Shizuru from her thoughts. "What's up with these import bras? All the sizes seem to be off."

Shizuru walked towards the changing room so she wouldn't have to yell in response. "Are those the European ones you're trying, Natsuki?" she said as she approached the curtain to the changing room she'd heard Natsuki yell from.

"Yeah, what's up with them?" Natsuki yelled from behind the curtain.

"The European Union recently set a new standard for clothing sizes to try to make things more consistent. This means that all their bra sizes are a bit different now."

"Oh," Natsuki paused for a moment. "Um, could you maybe help me figure out what would fit then?"

Yet another blush filled Shizuru's cheeks. _Ara ara, Natsuki, are you actually asking me to feel you up? You just have to rub in your teasing victory for tonight, don't you?_

"Shizuru?" Natsuki said again after Shizuru's pause. "It would be a lot easier than messing around with every size to figure out what fits."

Shizuru let out a breath she didn't realize she'd been holding. Of course, Natsuk's mind wasn't as dirty as hers was. She really just meant what she'd said. She'd let her imagination get away from her there. Still, it was nice to see that Natsuki was trusting her not to take advantage of her again. "Of course, Natsuki. Is it alright if I come in?"

"Yeah, sure," Natsuki said.

Shizuru moved the curtain aside and slipped into the room, trying not to let her eyesight focus on Natsuki's bra-clad chest and not to let her mind start to focus on what it was going to feel like when she was able to- No, she was trying _not_ to think about that. "Um, could you turn around, Natsuki? It's easier to get a good feel, er, measurement that way."

Natsuki let out a light chuckle as she turned. "Feel away, Shizuru," she said. "You don't have to be so uncomfortable."

_How are you ever holding yourself together so well tonight, Natsuki? You're supposed to be the hesitant and shy one here._ Tentatively, Shizuru wrapped her hands around Natsuki's rib cage, just under the swell of her breasts. She tried not to think about the fact that she was touching Natsuki's bare flesh near such an intimate area, but it was no good. _Ara, I'm sorry Natsuki, but I'm going to have to let myself enjoy this a little or I'll go crazy._

Shizuru let herself drift off to a bit of a dream-world as she felt around under Natsuki's breasts. "Let's see… 73, 74 centimeters, I think. Okay, now for the overbust size," she said to give Natsuki a little warning as she let her hands drift up over Natsuki's breasts, desperately fighting the urge to squeeze her hands and start massaging them as she'd done the last time she was in this position.

"The new European sizes use the maximum size when you breathe in, so breathe deeply for me, Natsuki," Shizuru said. She almost jerked her hands away as the bulging of Natsuki's chest pushed her breasts into them, but she was able to control herself and keep them just lightly touching. "Ara ara, Natsuki is certainly fit with such a large lung capacity," she said as Natsuki's chest came to a stop. "Let's see, that's a good 94 or 95, I think."

"I'm a 95?" Natsuki said in surprise. "I think I like this new system."

Shizuru giggled lightly as she reluctantly withdrew her hands from Natsuki's breasts. "I think you'll like this next part even more. Your large lung capacity brings you up to a D-cup now."

"Ooh, I definitely like this new system," Natsuki said, turning around to face Shizuru again. A large smile was plastered across her face, and there was just a hint of a blush on her cheeks.

Shizuru's gaze had ended up on Natsuki's breasts as the girl turned, but she quickly pulled it away. "Let me see, what brands were you trying… okay, let me go get you some 74Ds."

Shizuru reluctantly parted from Natsuki and went out to collect the bras she was looking for. She also took this as a chance to try to calm down her heart, which had taken to racing at the sight and feel of Natsuki in just a bra. _Damn it, why was I able to handle myself so much better when I was taking advantage of her? This should be easier now._

Heat swelled through Shizuru's heart as an explanation occurred to her: the difference was that now, she truly cared about Natsuki and what she thought. She wasn't just doing this for her own selfish pleasure anymore. _Forgive me, Natsuki, I was a fool back then. That wasn't really love, I think, just desire. But it's love now, I know. Maybe I'm finally worthy to receive your affections._

Shizuru let a smile creep across her face at this thought. This was turning out to be quite the evening. Not only was she finally going to officially get Natsuki's answer, but she'd come to an important realization about her own feelings as well. It was with this smile on her face that she returned to Natsuki in the changing room and gave her the bras.

Natsuki thanked her for the bras, and then spent a minute staring at Shizuru, who was still lost in dreamland. "Shizuru?" Natsuki said after a bit.

"Hmm?" Shizuru said, shaking herself out of the haze.

"Mind letting me change?"

"Not at all," Shizuru said, finding herself drawn back into Natsuki's eyes.

"Mind letting me change _alone_?"

"Oh! Oh, of course. Forgive me, but Natsuki can be very distracting," Shizuru said, a light blush forming in her cheeks. She quickly turned away and snuck past the curtain to hide it from Natsuki.

It didn't take long for Natsuki to pick out some bras she liked, along with matching panties. She also ended up getting a chemise and – to Shizuru's surprise and embarrassment – a teddy. "Ara, is Natsuki planning to seduce me?" Shizuru asked as Natsuki put the teddy on the counter near the cash register.

Unfortunately, even this comment failed to make Natsuki blush. "You'll see," was all she said, with a devious grin she could have easily stolen from Shizuru on her face. Shizuru was barely able to restrain the blush this time, and she proceeded to check out the items for Natsuki, putting them on her own credit card. It ran up to quite a tab, but she wasn't exactly stretched for cash, and Natsuki was worth it in any case.

After packaging up Natsuki's purchases, she led the girl back to her car. "So, are you ready for this night to end?" she asked. She knew Natsuki wasn't done yet, but she wanted to give the girl the chance to choose what to do from here.

"Heh, not quite yet," Natsuki said, the devious grin back on her face. "Let's go to my place now. I've got a little surprise of my own for you."

* * *

**Author's Note:** "Kawa no nagare no yo ni" is one of the most popular enka songs, and its title translates roughly to "As the river flows." It was once ranked as the best Japanese song of all time, and is often taught to schoolchildren due to how well it represents Japenese feelings in the post-WWII period.

Don't worry, I'll try to get the next chapter out as soon as possible. Just be warned that from there on out, this fic is going to be rated M. ;)


	11. Natsuki's Resolve

**Author's Note:**Here's what I know everyone's been waiting for. We won't be ending quite here, but this is the climax of the story, so to speak. As such, this involves increasing the rating of the story overall to M. If anyone exists out there for whom this is a problem, I regretfully apologize.

Sorry this one's taken so long to get out (relatively speaking), but I assure you, it's entirely due to the length. This is the longest chapter of the fic so far, and it's taken me the longest to write. Don't worry, I'll try to make sure it's good enough to make up for the wait.

I'm also once again dedicating this fic to centauri2002. This particular chapter wouldn't be possible without her. Much thanks and love.

**Warning, reiterated:** If by some chance you've skipped to this chapter, be warned that this fic involves a lesbian (f/f, shoujo-ai, what-have-you) relationship. With the increase in rating, that also means it's going to get explicit about said relationship. If this isn't your thing or you feel you're too young, don't read on. If you're actively opposed to the existence of this type of thing, please do read on, because I'd like to make people like you as uncomfortable as possible. ;)

* * *

**Title:** What Dreams May Come

**Rating: **M (and if you can't guess what it's for by this point, get out. Just, get out.)

**Chapter 11:** Natsuki's Resolve

* * *

_Ara, Natsuki, I have to say, I'm getting really nervous here. What could you be planning for me tonight? You've been in your room preparing for quite a while already. Is it that elaborate, or is something else going on? You were really courageous about your feelings tonight, I wonder if you might now have run out and are in there worrying and trying to psyche yourself up again. I hope not, but if you are, don't worry. It's alright for you to be afraid._

_I'm afraid too, you know. Yes, the mighty, unshakeable Fujino Shizuru is admitting to being afraid. Only you can do this to me, Natsuki. I'm afraid that I might lose control of myself and push you into something you aren't ready for – though if your behavior tonight wasn't just a temporary spurt of confidence, you're probably ready for a lot more than I was expecting. I'm also afraid that something might go wrong, and our first night together as a couple will be ruined._

_But then a thought like that passes through my mind, and giddiness overwhelms the fear and nervousness. We're a couple now, or at least we will be in only a few minutes. You're my girlfriend. My dreams that I've kept to myself for so long are finally coming true. Natsuki is finally mine. Thoughts like that are what keep me going, why I'm going to stay here and work to make it as perfect as possible. I hope thinking about me like that makes you just as happy._

_I want to do everything to make you feel happy, Natsuki. If you're ready and will let me, I'll make this a night to remember for you. It might not all have been through proper means, but I know a lot about how your body responds to different types of caresses, and I believe I could use that to bring you all the way to the brink of ecstasy._

_But I can see how that prospect might be a bit frightening to you. It's a bit frightening to me to think about letting you do all that to me, as well. Don't worry, I can wait until I know you're ready. It will be better that way in any case; there won't be any chance of you having regrets._

_Is that it then, Natsuki? Are you sitting in your room afraid of this very thing right now? I really hope not, but I can't help but fear it. You've been in there for so long, it can't all be simple preparation, can it? Okay, I have to go check on you now, and try to reassure you if you need it, I'm getting too worried to leave you alone any longer. I know I'm probably just fretting over nothing, but it's just because I care, so please don't be mad._

_Your girlfriend,_

_Shizuru_

* * *

"Natsuki?" Shizuru said as she knocked on the door to Natsuki's bedroom. "Is everything alright in there?"

"Yes! Uh, yeah, Shizuru, it's fine," Natsuki called out from her room. Nervousness was evident in her voice, and Shizuru guessed that she was likely blushing.

_So is that it then, Natsuki? Is it nervousness holding you back? I'm sorry. I guess it's not surprising that all this courage you've shown tonight would run out sooner or later. You've done well enough for tonight, Natsuki. Don't feel you have to push yourself to do more._

"Ara, it's alright, Natsuki," Shizuru said, trying to reassure the girl without being too obvious about it and further embarrassing her. "I'll wait as long as it takes for you to be ready." _There you go, you can interpret that whichever way you want, Natsuki._

"What? No, I said it was fine, Shizuru. I'm just about ready," Natsuki said. "Sorry it's taking so long, but I'll explain later." The nervousness had dropped from Natsuki's voice, and Shizuru wondered whether it was because of her words, or if she'd just misinterpreted it before.

_Ara, I guess it doesn't matter, _Shizuru thought as a smile spread across her face. _What matters is that she's ready_. She walked back and took a seat to wait for Natsuki, her heart starting to race in anticipation. It was all she could do to keep her nerves under control as she waited. It was finally happening. Natsuki was finally going to admit to her feelings.

Before long, Natsuki's door opened, revealing the object of Shizuru's dreams in the doorway. Shizuru had been thinking she might have changed her outfit, but she was still wearing the same casual clothes she'd had on earlier – though they did appear to have been shifted about somewhat, as if Natsuki had tried changing and then decided against it and reverted back. It didn't matter though; Natsuki managed to be striking whatever she was wearing.

"Um, Shizuru, would you like to come into my room?" Natsuki asked. There was just a hint of nervousness to her voice, but she seemed to be mostly in control of herself.

"Ara, is Natsuki inviting me into her bed?" Shizuru teased as she got up and approached Natsuki. "How could I refuse an offer such as that?"

Natsuki didn't blush as Shizuru had expected, instead just chuckling and rolling her eyes. "There's just no good place for us to sit together out there. I thought my bed would be better for that."

Shizuru gave a pout as she stopped in front of Natsuki. It was nice to see her being confident, but she was starting to miss seeing her blushes. "Ikezu. What am I going to have to do to see one of Natsuki's adorable blushes?" Either her tactic finally worked or Natsuki decided to relent. Either way, Shizuru was pleased to see Natsuki's cheeks light up. Her pout turned into a grin as she said, "Thank you" and gave Natsuki a quick peck on the cheek.

Natsuki's blush deepened at this for a moment, but she quickly regained control of herself. "Shizuru…" she said, trying to sound exasperated, but it came out more as simply amused. "Come on, let's get to my bed now." Natsuki went ahead and sat down by her pillow, patting her hand on the spot that Shizuru had occupied during their previous encounters in this room.

Shizuru's mind drifted back to those past experiences as she took her own seat. They'd shared their first mutual kiss on this bed, and their second as well if she counted Natsuki's getting into that one as making it mutual. She'd also opened herself up to Natsuki here and told her about the feelings she'd hidden so long. And after that, it was where Natsuki had finally decided on her own feelings. Now, it was going to be the location of their first kiss as a couple, if not more.

"Shizuru?" Natsuki said, breaking Shizuru out of her thoughts. When Shizuru looked over at her friend, she continued. "I know what you're expecting me to say to you now, and I will, don't worry. But there's something I need to talk about with you first."

Shizuru gave Natsuki a reassuring smile and gazed into her eyes. "Of course, Natsuki. We can talk about whatever you want."

Natsuki matched Shizuru's smile, and some of the nervousness in her eyes faded. "It's about you, Shizuru. I know how you've been lately. Aside from being happy about how things are going with me, you've been regretting lots of things."

Shizuru's expression broke a little and she looked away from Natsuki. "How did Natsuki know?"

"Well, that letter you sent me was a pretty big hint," Natsuki said. "After that, I started seeing it in your eyes. You hid it pretty well, but I know it was there." Natsuki moved over to sit up against Shizuru and wrapped an arm around her. "I don't want you to end up regretting tonight, thinking you pushed me into something I wasn't ready for," she said.

Emotion swelled through Shizuru at this intimate contact and concern from her friend. She was barely able to keep her expression steady. All she could get herself to say was, "Natsuki…" so she let her emotions seep into the word and speak for her. After a moment, she was able to compose herself a bit better and she said, "I'm not going to regret tonight, Natsuki, because I'm not going to do anything that I might end up regretting."

Natsuki didn't seem to be too satisfied with this response. She withdrew her arm from around Shizuru and backed away a bit. Shizuru didn't turn to watch her, but she heard her friend rustling around a bit. "I need to be sure though," Natsuki said. "And I don't want your fear to hold you back tonight in any case. There are other reasons I'm doing this too, but I can explain those later. For now, please just trust me on this. I need to do it to make sure everything's perfect."

Shizuru turned her head back to look at Natsuki. The girl had moved one leg up onto the bed so she could better face Shizuru. Her eyes still showed a little nervousness, but there was resolve there as well. "Natsuki?" Shizuru said.

Natsuki grabbed Shizuru's near hand with her left and brought it over to her. With her right, she placed a small rectangle of paper into it. "I'm using my first coupon now, Shizuru. I want you to let me take control tonight. It's the only way I can be sure you won't have anything to regret, as everything is going to come from me."

Conflicting emotions cascaded through Shizuru's mind at this. It was flattering that Natsuki was as insightful as she was and cared so much, but Shizuru knew she'd be careful and not do anything she might regret. Or maybe that was it – did Natsuki actually want things to go that far and know that Shizuru wouldn't have done it without complete reassurance? Or was she afraid Shizuru might not be able to restrain herself and was using this as a cover to make sure she held back?

Shizuru looked up into Natsuki's eyes, trying to glean some hint as to what she meant by this. There was nervousness, probably about hearing Shizuru's reaction to this, but no fear. Shizuru took a guess at her intentions, "Natsuki, you don't have to worry about me regretting anything that happens tonight," she said. _If you truly want it, I have no problem giving everything for you – doing everything to you. I'd never regret giving you pleasure like that, as long as I know you're certain._

Natsuki shook her head lightly. "I said there were other reasons too, Shizuru. For one, I know how you are, but I want this to be your night. You've been waiting so much longer, and I'm the one who really needs to prove her feelings in any case. Please, Shizuru." Natsuki took Shizuru's hand into her own and grasped it to her heart, the coupon falling forgotten to the bed. Her eyes met Shizuru's, and the nervousness had vanished from them. She was determined about this.

A deep blush formed on Shizuru's face as she realized what Natsuki intended. She'd imagined what her first night with Natsuki might be like many times, but she'd always thought she'd be the one to take charge. Natsuki had always been so hesitant about the relationship that Shizuru just couldn't picture her taking over their first time. _Are you trying to make up for lost time now that you've found your courage, Natsuki?_

Shizuru tried to suppress her blush and still her now-racing heart. Natsuki's decision here had surprised her, and it had rekindled her nervousness. She couldn't let that show, though. She had to be the strong one.

"Don't."

Natsuki's voice broke Shizuru out of her attempt to reform her mask. She looked at her friend with inquiring eyes. "Natsuki?"

Natsuki removed one of her hands from her grasp on Shizuru's and brought it up to Shizuru's chin. She held it steady and gazed deep into Shizuru's eyes. "Don't hide from me," she said. "I want to see the real you tonight, not the mask you put on for the world."

Shizuru felt the walls she put up around her heart break a little at Natsuki's words._You're right, I shouldn't be hiding from you, not anymore. But it's still hard._ It took an effort, but Shizuru was able to let her guard down a little, and she felt herself start to tremble a little from her nervousness.

A reassuring smile from Natsuki helped her calm her nerves, however. "You're so beautiful, Shizuru," she said. Her smile had spread to her eyes, and her affection shone through. "Not just your façade, the real you. Nervous, vulnerable… hopelessly in love. I just can't resist you like this."

"Natsuki…" Shizuru's heart throbbed at the compliments from her friend, and her fear at exposing herself faded a little more. She could barely resist anymore herself. She wanted to take Natsuki into a passionate kiss and let their instincts take the two of them wherever they might.

Natsuki seemed to sense the desire in Shizuru's eyes. She removed her hand from Shizuru's chin and placed it on her shoulder. Her other hand, still interlocked with Shizuru's, tightened its grip tenderly. "Well, I brought you here to tell you my decision, first and foremost. I really shouldn't hold off any longer. I'm sure you've figured it out by now anyways, but it's important that I say it."

Shizuru's heartbeat picked up again, anticipating Natsuki's words. She felt an urge to try to cover up her excitement, but with an effort she suppressed it and allowed her feelings to show through on her face. To be sure she wouldn't succumb to an instinct to look away, she brought her leg up on the bed so that her position mirrored Natsuki's. She'd have to make a much more significant change in position to look away now.

"I've been feeling weird sensations when it comes to you for quite a while," Natsuki said. Her eyes seemed to be keeping close track of Shizuru's expression, noting every emotion she allowed to pass through. "I suspected it might have been love, but I had nothing to compare it to, so I couldn't know for sure. It wasn't until I asked you what you felt that I finally figured it out. You felt all the same things I did, so I knew then that my feelings were the same as yours. I'm pretty sure you figured it out then as well."

Shizuru gave a weak nod at this. The motion made her realize that she'd let tears start to well up in her eyes, but she made no move to wipe them away. Hearing Natsuki finally say all this, perfectly confident about everything, was causing her to overflow with emotions. She didn't know if she'd have been able to maintain her mask even if she'd been trying to at that moment. It was better this way, anyway. Natsuki was opening herself up to her, it was the least she could do to reveal her emotions in turn.

"I'm sorry I made you wait so long, Shizuru," Natsuki continued. She seemed to have noticed the tears pooling in Shizuru's eyes, and it had caused her smile to warm up a little. "But I wanted this moment to be perfect for you. You've already been waiting so long, I wanted to make sure it was finally worth it. Getting over my flu so I wouldn't end up infecting you was only part of it; I also needed the time to work my courage up. I really don't really know where all this courage is coming from, to be honest, or how long it will last, but I'm going to take advantage of it while it's here."

A warmth filled Shizuru's chest at these sentiments, and the tears finally managed to fall from her eyes. "Natsuki is too sweet," she said.

Natsuki brought a hand up to Shizuru's face and brushed away the tears that had trailed down her cheeks, bringing another blush to Shizuru's face. Natsuki finally brought her hand to rest cradling Shizuru's cheek. "Natsuki can't resist you any longer," she said with a smirk. "Are you okay with this Shizuru? I know with the coupon and all you might feel obligated, but I really don't want to force y-"

"I want this," Shizuru said, bringing her own hand up to cradle Natsuki's cheek. "I want you, Natsuki, and I'm yours for the night if you want me as well."

Natsuki's eyes glowed with delight. "I do," she said, and she wasted no further time with words. She released her hand from Shizuru's and brought it around the back of her neck to pull her in. Her other hand drifted around behind Shizuru as well to secure her hold as their lips met and she proceeded to devour Shizuru as best as she could.

When Natsuki's lips met hers, Shizuru's conscious mind gave in to her instincts, and she lost herself to the sensations she was experiencing. Her chest ached in need, and she tried to satisfy it as best as she could in the kiss, bringing her own arms around Natsuki in turn to keep her close. She relished the feeling of Natsuki's lips against hers and explored the other girl's mouth with her tongue, while Natsuki did the same to her. She could feel more tears dripping down her cheeks now, but she was beyond caring.

As they eventually parted to catch their breaths, Natsuki panted out to Shizuru, "I almost forgot, but I promised you a little surprise." Her lips curled up into a devious smile that made Shizuru proud of her influence on the girl as she pulled back from the kiss and got up from the bed.

Shizuru let out a giggle at Natsuki's determination to go through with all of her plans, even to the extent of breaking from their kiss, momentarily surprising herself with how easily she was letting her emotions out now. "You've already done more than enough to surprise me tonight, Natsuki," she said. "I'm not sure if I could take much more."

Natsuki put on a mask of seriousness. "Quiet," she said sternly. "Now close your eyes." Shizuru obliged, also putting an expectant grin on her face as she wondered what Natsuki might have been planning for her. After a short period of some rustling noises in front of Shizuru, Natsuki said, "Alright, open your eyes now."

A blush rushed to Shizuru's face as her eyes opened to take in the sight of Natsuki clad only in the teddy she'd bought earlier that evening and striking an alluring pose for Shizuru. Her back was arched with her bust thrust out and her head thrown back. Her fingers were splayed on her upper thighs. The whole pose gave the impression that she were already in the throws of ecstasy. The lacy black material of the teddy seemed molded to fit her torso and emphasize her perfect proportions – especially in this pose – while leaving her shapely arms and legs bare.

Shizuru didn't know what part was more surprising: that Natsuki had overcome her usual modesty to wear such an outfit and make such a pose without even a blush on her face, or the she'd somehow anticipated her trip with Shizuru to the lingerie store in order to incorporate it into her own plans. "Ara, so Natsuki _was_ planning to use that to seduce me," Shizuru said appreciatively.

Natsuki broke out into a fit of giggles at this. Shizuru mused that she'd likely been trying to restrain herself for some time, and had made use of the pose to hide her face from Shizuru. When she regained some control over herself, Natsuki responded in between giggles, "I was originally planning to use a piece from my own collection, but when you dropped your offer in my lap and I found this piece, I just couldn't resist."

_Aha, so that explains it._ "I'm glad I could be such a help to your plans," Shizuru said, eying up the alluring view Natsuki's outfit was supplying her. As she considered the effort it must have taken for Natsuki to put herself on display like this, she decided to try to reassure her friend. "I don't know where this new, courageous Natsuki came from, but I think I'm falling in love with her."

Natsuki's face turned red at this admission, and a smile grew across her face. "I could say very much the same thing about a Shizuru who doesn't try to hide her emotions from me," she teased in turn, causing Shizuru's face to turn an equal shade of red. "Now, lie back on the bed," Natsuki continued in a seductive tone, approaching Shizuru with need in her eyes. "Courageous Natsuki wants to see just how emotional she can make Shizuru tonight."

Shizuru's face went from red to purple and a wave of heat scorched its way through her chest as she was reminded of what Natsuki intended on doing with her. Her heart pounding on her ears, she started to move back so she could lie down. She'd almost made it all the way when Natsuki pounced on her and locked her lips into another passionate kiss. Shizuru felt her head hit the pillow as she fell back, a fact for which she was grateful as it allowed her better leverage in returning Natsuki's passion.

Natsuki lifted up from the kiss to gave into Shizuru's eyes for a moment. In Natsuki's viridian orbs, Shizuru saw only love now, and she was sure that Natsuki would see the same in hers. A smile formed on Natsuki's face as her eyes dropped to Shizuru's right cheek. "Hmm, now what do we have here?" Natsuki said teasingly. "Has Shizuru been letting her emotions out a bit too much? Well, let's see what I can do about that…"

With this, Natsuki moved her mouth over to Shizuru's cheek and lightly pressed her lips to it. Her tongue flicked out between them to lap up the trail Shizuru's earlier tears had left. She then moved her lips an inch up Shizuru's cheek and repeated the process. A shudder ran through Shizuru at the feeling of Natsuki's painfully slow voyage up her cheek, which finally climaxed with a tender kiss on Shizuru's closed eye. Natsuki wasn't finished though, as she then moved over to Shizuru's other cheek and repeated the process.

By the time Natsuki was finished, Shizuru's mind was in a haze. The girl of her dreams had finally returned her love, and now had her pinned to her bed and was tenderly kissing her way across Shizuru's face in a quite successful attempt to drive her wild. She was so lost in love for Natsuki that she didn't realize the girl had left her face until she felt her hands around her ankle, slowly pulling off her sock. Natsuki's fingers were pressed into her, dragging along her skin and causing another wave of shudders to pass through Shizuru's body.

After her sock was finally peeled off, Natsuki picked up Shizuru's foot in her hands and planted a kiss on the tip of her big toe. She then placed it back down on the bed and moved over to Shizuru's other leg to repeat the process. This time, she reached up far along Shizuru's leg past her sock to allow her fingers to drag an even longer distance. She even started to rotate her hands around Shizuru's leg as she pulled down, sending the girl into a further bout of shivers.

As this sock came off, Natsuki repeated the process of planting a kiss on Shizuru's big toe. She followed it up this time with another kiss just on top of it. She slowly moved up Shizuru's foot with a series of kisses, reaching as far into her pant-leg as she could. With Shizuru's clothes providing a barrier, Natsuki brought herself more quickly up Shizuru's body, planting a few random kisses on her legs and belly along the way, eventually landing on Shizuru's mouth for another slow, sweet kiss, bringing a wave of warmth to Shizuru's chest.

Shizuru let out a groan as Natsuki's lips left her own, which turned into a gasp as Natsuki's lips landed on her neck, just above her collarbone. Natsuki slowly worked her way up around Shizuru's neck, causing a series of gasps from Shizuru which turned into a desperate panting as Natsuki suddenly switched sides and started working her way up again.

It was too much. Shizuru didn't know how she would be able to take much more, but she wanted – no, needed it. "Natsuki…" she pleaded, and brought her hands around to Natsuki's back to pull her in. Natsuki happily obliged, and she found a spot on Shizuru's neck to settle on, kissing it deeply and sucking on it. Natsuki's teeth met her neck and started nibbling, forcing out a moan from Shizuru as her back arched in pleasure.

Natsuki released her suction from this part of Shizuru's neck and started moving lower. When her mouth reached the collar of Shizuru's blouse, Shizuru felt a weight lift from her as Natsuki's hands moved in under her torso to work at the buttons of Shizuru's blouse. They came undone one by one, and Shizuru felt herself gradually becoming more exposed to Natsuki.

She wasn't bothered by it; she wanted to give everything she had to Natsuki, and her body was part and parcel of the deal. She'd already tried to bare her emotions to the girl, and she knew that as this progressed Natsuki would pry out the rest of them and see her truly naked, body and soul. A wave of excitement coursed through her from knowing that she was going to be giving this all up to Natsuki, and a wave of warmth followed when she considered how much Natsuki wanted to see this. She wanted to help remove her clothes to speed up the process, but she forced herself to hold back in respect for Natsuki's wish to be in complete control and out of a wish to give Natsuki the gift of being able to expose her herself.

As the last button was undone, Shizuru propped herself up in order to assist Natsuki in getting her arms out of the sleeves. As soon as she was free, Natsuki threw her blouse off the bed and returned to her assault on Shizuru, taking full advantage of the wealth of newly exposed flesh. Her lips danced across Shizuru's upper chest, seemingly landing at random, but somehow it felt like Natsuki was anticipating just where Shizuru needed her touch the most. Shizuru involuntarily released a deep moan from the back of her throat at the barrage of pleasure Natsuki's kisses were bringing, and her arms wrapped around Natsuki so her hands would have something to squeeze onto.

Before long, Natsuki landed a kiss on the exposed portion of Shizuru's right breast, just above her bra. She followed this up with an identical kiss on Shizuru's other breast. She then returned to the first and planted a kiss right over Shizuru's nipple, which was agonizing in the muted sensations due to the barrier her bra provided. This was followed with another such kiss over Shizuru's left breast, but Natsuki pressed further on this one, bringing out her teeth to lightly nibble on Shizuru's hardened nipple through the fabric, sending sparks of pleasure through Shizuru.

Her right breast didn't stay lonely for long, as Natsuki's left hand came up to give her nipple a light pinch, sending another jolt of electricity through Shizuru's body and eliciting a sharp gasp from her. Shizuru had never hated her bra more in her life. She desperately wanted to be rid of it and feel Natsuki's mouth and fingers on her bare flesh. Why did Natsuki have to be such a tease about this?

Natsuki's mouth left Shizuru's left breast, though it was quickly replaced by her hand, which started gently massaging it. Shizuru barely had the presence of mind to wonder what Natsuki was planning to do with her mouth next when she felt a sharp pressure on both her breasts as Natsuki used them as leverage to push herself forward and encompass Shizuru's lips with her own once more.

Shizuru was lost in a maze of pleasure from the dual assault of Natsuki's lips caressing her own and Natsuki's hands kneading her breasts, but the frustration of her bra being in the way threatened to make her snap. It was all she could do to stop herself from removing her hands from Natsuki's back to take it off herself, though she suspected she'd still have quite some trouble getting her hands under her back to undo the clasp with Natsuki's added weight on top of her.

Shizuru let loose a grunt of frustration when Natsuki's fingers once again pinched her nipple through her bra. Natsuki seemed to respond to it, though not by slipping her hand under Shizuru's bra as Shizuru had hoped. Instead, she removed her mouth from Shizuru's lips and found a spot on her neck to suckle. The sharp jolt of pleasure from this forced Shizuru to arch her back and let out a gasp.

When Shizuru's back fell down to meet the bed again, she realized just how insightful and devious Natsuki had been. Natsuki's right hand must have left Shizuru's breast as she was distracted by the assault on her neck, as it now lay beneath Shizuru's back with two of its fingers deftly unclasping her bra. The hand then grabbed her bra strap and pulled it out to the side as Natsuki's left hand came up to grab the other strap from Shizuru's shoulder.

Shizuru momentarily let her arms unwind from around Natsuki to free her bra, which Natsuki promptly tossed aside before plunging her mouth back to Shizuru's finally-freed breasts. Another grunt of frustration was forced from Shizuru as Natsuki seemed to be unrelenting in her teasing, purposefully avoiding Shizuru's erect and needy nipples as her mouth kissed and suckled a ring around her left breast and her hand massaged the flesh of her right.

Her control over her body fading, Shizuru felt herself starting to squirm under Natsuki's ministrations and idly hoped her motions would cause one of her nipples to slip under Natsuki's hand or mouth. She had no such luck, though, as Natsuki seemed intent on getting back at her for years of teasing all in one night and steadfastly avoided touching her where she needed it most. Unable to take it anymore, she let out an anguished, "Natsuki…."

Maybe this made Natsuki decide she'd finally had enough, as her mouth immediately enveloped Shizuru's left nipple and sucked it in as her fingers simultaneously pinched her right. Shizuru let out a throaty moan as waves of pent-up pleasure were finally released through her body at this. It only intensified as Natsuki's teeth found her nipple and lightly bit down, sending a spark straight through Shizuru's chest.

Natsuki then moved her mouth over to attend to Shizuru's right breast, while bringing her right hand up to keep Shizuru's left from getting lonely. Instead of sucking in on this one, Natsuki instead went about tenderly caressing Shizuru's nipple and her enflamed areola with the tip of her tongue. A wave of tremors shot through Shizuru's body as she let loose a desperate series of moans. How had Natsuki ever had the chance to get so good at this? Could her affection for Shizuru alone be guiding her to find just the right things?

A wave of warmth shot down through Shizuru's chest as she considered the possibility that Natsuki already cared that much about her. She had to, to have the courage to do all this and to want to bring Shizuru so much pleasure._Natsuki loves me._ Her mind formed its first coherent thought in what seemed like hours. Her love still had yet to say the words, but it didn't matter, she was content to simply know it. Tears leaked from Shizuru's eyes as it felt like an invisible burden had finally been lifted from her, all her doubts fading. Natsuki had been right, it needed to be this way between them for her to be sure.

Shizuru wasn't sure if Natsuki had noticed her tears, but the girl was again at her face, fulfilling her desperate need to kiss her in thanks for her love. Tears continued to stream down Shizuru's cheeks, and she out a series of light moans into Natsuki's mouth. _I love you, Natsuki._ She desperately wanted to form the words and tell this to the object of her desire, but she couldn't muster enough control for anything more than a pleading moan.

The feeling of smooth flesh against her legs suddenly grabbed Shizuru's attention. She'd been so lost in her thoughts about Natsuki's feelings that she hadn't even noticed when Natsuki had peeled off her pants. The thought called attention to the fact that Shizuru only had one article of clothing remaining, and the need in her body had started to centralize to it. It was the only thing left before she'd be completely, utterly exposed to Natsuki, her body her ultimate gift to her lover.

Natsuki broke from the kiss, possibly having noticed Shizuru's distraction. "Open your eyes, Shizuru," she whispered. Shizuru had been so in the midst of feeling that she'd stopped paying all attention to her vision, and her eyes must have closed at some point. She peeled them open now to find Natsuki's eyes right above hers, overflowing with adoration.

As Natsuki caught Shizuru's eyes in her own, she slipped down and out of Shizuru's line of sight. Shizuru tilted her head forward to recapture her love's gaze, finding Natsuki sliding down her body, her head still facing up to Shizuru's face. Shizuru's hands lost her grip on the girl as her shoulders fell out of her reached, and they fell dejectedly to her sides. Natsuki's hands then found Shizuru's shoulders and started tracing their way slowly down her sides.

When Natsuki's right hand brushed against a small spot above Shizuru's hip, a sudden bolt of pleasure shot through Shizuru and she instinctively jerked away from it. Natsuki's face momentarily showed an expression of shock, but it turned into a devious grin as she caught the blush that Shizuru knew had formed on her face. "Found it," Natsuki said with a distinctive lilt to her voice, and her right hand reached back up to gently caress Shizuru's own "pleasure button."

Shizuru started panting desperately, and she could feel a wave of warmth filling her face and spreading through her neck and chest. Her body started shaking violently, and she knew that if Natsuki kept caressing that spot much longer, she'd lose control. She really didn't want their experience to end so soon, but she was at Natsuki's mercy and there was nothing she could do to stop her. Fortunately for the moment, Natsuki seemed to realize this as well, and she let Shizuru free from her torturous touch and dragged her hand back down to Shizuru's hip.

Natsuki gave Shizuru a moment to catch her breath and caught her eyes again. Staring up at Shizuru's face from her position at Shizuru's pelvis, Natsuki slowly slipped both of her hands into the waistband of Shizuru's panties. Shizuru gave Natsuki a smile to let her know she was ready, which Natsuki promptly returned. Her eyes locked with Shizuru's, Natsuki slowly backed up, peeling off Shizuru's panties and exposing the final piece of her body to Natsuki, not that the girl allowed her eyes to part with Shizuru's to look at it.

As Shizuru's panties finally slipped off over her feet, Natsuki took a moment to stand up and look over her naked lover. Her gaze slowly crawled across Shizuru's body, taking in every square inch of skin and paying particularly close attention to those pieces she'd never had an opportunity to see before. _It's all yours, Natsuki._ Shizuru felt a warmth course through her chest at her friend's lusty appraisal.

Eventually, Natsuki's gaze came to rest on Shizuru's eyes once more. The adoration in her eyes was still present, though it was now mixed in with deep desire. "You're so beautiful, Shizuru," she said in a voice that was almost cracking. A light blush had formed on Natsuki's face from the sight and her admission, though it was nothing compared to the blush Shizuru felt forming from the compliment.

Natsuki crawled up on the bed over Shizuru and brought her face to hover just over Shizuru's. "And you're so sexy when you blush. I think I know why you always try to do this to me, you naughty girl." Shizuru wouldn't have thought it was possible, but her blush deepened even further as Natsuki deduced her secret. To hide it, she surprised Natsuki by bringing her hands back to the girl's back and pulling her down, both satisfying the need she felt in her body that had gone without the girl's touch for too long now and allowing her to lock Natsuki's lips in her own.

Natsuki was stunned for a moment, allowing Shizuru to take full advantage of their kiss and the feeling of Natsuki's body pressed against her own. Just as she let out a moan of pleasure from the feelings, Natsuki regained enough control to push back away, turning Shizuru's expressing into a pout. "A _really_ naughty girl," Natsuki said seductively. "I thought you were supposed to let me do everything tonight. Well, I guess maybe I have been a bit remiss in leaving you unsatisfied, so maybe I can let it pass this one time." Natsuki gave a quick smile and dropped her face back down to give Shizuru's mouth a quick peck before moving back down her body.

Natsuki wasted no time in getting back to work, with her mouth enveloping and starting to devour Shizuru's left breast while one hand played with her right and the other had dropped down to gently rub the sensitive spot on Shizuru's side where here HiME mark had been. Under this triple assault, it didn't take long for Shizuru to return to her previous state of arousal. She felt her eyes closing and sight slipping from her again as her mind was focused on the jolts of pleasure Natsuki's ministrations were sending through her body.

Eventually, Natsuki seemed to be satisfied with Shizuru's arousal, and she brought her mouth back up off of Shizuru's breast and to her mouth. After a light kiss, she lifted off and paused her hands for a moment. When Shizuru opened her eyes to see what was going on, she found Natsuki staring back at her, her eyes trying to take in all of Shizuru's face at once.

As Natsuki noticed Shizuru's eyes opening, her right hand drifted from Shizuru's side across her stomach, finally coming to rest right below her belly button. Shizuru let out a light gasp as she knew what Natsuki was intending to do next and tried to brace herself for feeling her love's touch in her most intimate regions. A knowing smile formed on Natsuki's face as her eyes stared deep into Shizuru's, seemingly peering into the depths of Shizuru's soul and making her feel even more naked before her lover.

Slowly, Natsuki's hands started to move downwards. Her eyes remained locked with Shizuru's the whole time, taking in every reaction on the girl's face. A shiver ran through Shizuru as Natsuki's hand passed over her neatly-trimmed pubic hair and stopped just before meeting more tender flesh. After what seemed like an eternity, Natsuki's hand slipped down to encompass the entirety of Shizuru's womanhood, eliciting a deep moan from Shizuru.

After a moment to allow Shizuru to get used to her touch, one of Natsuki's fingers slowly curled around, splitting apart Shizuru's outer lips and starting to explore her depths. Shizuru let out a harsh gasp at this intrusion, and she felt her hands desperately try to clamp onto Natsuki to hold herself steady. She sensed the girl getting uncomfortable from being squeezed in her arms though, so she used what remained of her conscious mind to force her right hand out from around Natsuki. It found Natsuki's left hand, which was still resting on her breast, and clasped it in a desperate grip as Natsuki's roaming finger tried to drive her crazy.

Natsuki chuckled slightly at the consideration Shizuru was showing her even under such duress. She bent in to give her lover a sweet kiss in thanks. As the kiss deepened, Natsuki's finger found a particularly sensitive nub and caused Shizuru to gasp into her mouth. Natsuki took full advantage of the opening and slipped her tongue into Shizuru's mouth, claiming it all for her own and driving Shizuru into a haze of desire.

Shizuru writhed beneath Natsuki from the mixed sensations of Natsuki's passionate kiss and her finger slowly caressing Shizuru's clit. Pleasure seemed to be shooting in bolts through her body, every inch of her skin tingling from the sensations. On lonely nights, she'd tried to pleasure herself alone, but she'd never felt even a fraction of what she was feeling now from Natsuki's touch. She could feel all that remained of her emotional barriers breaking before Natsuki, and tears once more started to leak from her eyes.

Natsuki seemed to sense the surge of emotions in her, and she came up from the kiss and slowed the stroking of her finger. Torn from the girl, Shizuru attempted to call out Natsuki's name, but all she was capable of was a slur of vowels. She couldn't take the separation for long, and her left hand was quick to come up to the back of Natsuki's head and pull her back down to her lips, reassuring the girl that nothing was wrong.

With a chuckle into Shizuru's mouth, Natsuki resumed her caresses. A second finger was soon to join the first, and they started to stroke the length of Shizuru's slit. Shizuru couldn't help but to start bucking her hips into Natsuki's hand to speed up the torturously slow movements of her fingers. Natsuki let her do this for a bit, matching her rhythm, but she surprised Shizuru when she suddenly reached her fingers up to give Shizuru's clit a sharp pinch, evoking from Shizuru a sharp gasp and a jerk of her pelvis at the surge of pleasure it induced.

Backing off from Shizuru's face to allow her more room to breathe, Natsuki upped the ante once more. As one of her fingers remained on her clit, the other slowly dipped below and pushed its way past Shizuru's inner lips and into her depths. Shizuru's inner walls instinctively clamped in on it, and waves of pleasure shot through her body at the feeling of Natsuki inside of her. Natsuki didn't even have to move to cause Shizuru to rise to greater heights of pleasure, as the simple presence of her finger was enough to drive Shizuru into a lust-filled haze.

As soon as Shizuru's walls started to relax and get used to Natsuki's finger, it began moving inside of her, while at the same time her other finger resumed its caresses of her clit. The pace was slow, almost teasing, but it was driving Shizuru wild. She let out a stream of whimpers from the constant bolts of pleasure that were assailing her, unable to hold them back even if she'd wanted to.

Natsuki seemed to notice this as well, and she delighted in it. She started varying her pace, playing around with getting Shizuru to moan at different rates. Shizuru barely had the presence of mind to realize how Natsuki was teasing her, but she didn't have the energy to do or say anything about it. The only effect this realization had on her was causing a blush to form once more across her face, and this only served to spur Natsuki on even more.

"I think I like you like this," Natsuki said teasingly as she continued the erratic movements of her fingers, prompting Shizuru to expend what little of her available mental resources she could to focus on the girl's face. Only a hint of a devious smile was present there; most of her expression was taken up by adoration for Shizuru. "Completely bare… completely at my mercy… blushing beautifully." Shizuru's blush deepened at this, as if she subconsciously wanted to please Natsuki more with it.

"I wonder," Natsuki said, a mischievous sparkle appearing in her eyes, "What expression could I see on that gorgeous face of yours if I do _this_!" Suddenly, Natsuki's second finger joined the first and they simultaneously plunged as far into Shizuru's depths as they could fit. A sharp gasp came from Shizuru, quickly fading into a moan as her face contorted in ecstasy. She vaguely heard a chuckle come from Natsuki. "I think I like that expression on you…"

Natsuki's fingers started moving inside her again, striking a steady pace this time. Silently grateful for finally being able to help out and match her pace, Shizuru started bucking her hips in time with Natsuki's thrusts. Every nerve in her body felt alive, and she knew she was getting close to release. She was torn between a desire to let this moment of intimacy last forever and a need for fulfillment, but she didn't have any control in the matter.

Shizuru's body started trembling wildly, and she could feel her inner walls constricting and becoming even more alive at Natsuki's touch. Her moans became even louder and more rapid. She desperately wanted to scream Natsuki's name, but she no longer had enough control to do so.

Natsuki was well aware of the rising passion in Shizuru, and she tried to slow down her pace to drag out the moment. Shizuru's release was inevitable at this point though, and Natsuki was only helping to force her higher in passion before she'd be able to release it all. But this didn't seem to be Natsuki's goal, as she leaned her head in towards Shizuru's ear and starting speaking, the words piercing through the haze of Shizuru's mind.

"You have no idea how hard it was for me to hold back until this moment Shizuru, but I wanted it to be just right. I wanted to create the absolute perfect moment for you." Shizuru was so far gone she couldn't even think of what Natsuki might have meant; she just absorbed the words and listened as her body wracked with passion from Natsuki's continuing thrusts, getting closer and closer to her peak.

A spot of wetness met Shizuru's ear, likely dripped from Natsuki's face. Natsuki had let her own passions leak out at this moment, and they laced the words she spoke next. "I love you, Shizuru," she said, her voice breaking. "I love you so much." At these last words, Natsuki's fingers curled up into Shizuru's depths and met a particularly sensitive spot within her, rubbing it rapidly, almost painfully. At the same time, the palm of her hand came in and pressed in on Shizuru's clit, her grip squeezing release out of Shizuru.

Shizuru's world exploded around her. Every nerve in her body was filled to the brim with pleasure, and her mind was focused on a single thought: Natsuki's words to her. Her body thrashed underneath Natsuki, convulsions sweeping through her muscles. Her right hand squeezed in on Natsuki's, almost threatening to break it, while her left pulled the girl's head down into her.

Somehow, Natsuki had managed to bring her mouth over to Shizuru's lips despite the pressure Shizuru's hand was applying on it. As a small amount of cognizance returned to Shizuru, she found herself and Natsuki locked in a desperate kiss, and she could feel Natsuki's fingers slowly stroking her, trying to prolong the moment of pleasure as long as possible.

Aftershocks of pleasure shot through Shizuru as Natsuki slowly brought her down from her peak. The stroking of her lover's fingers slowed and eventually came to a rest inside her, and all Shizuru could think about was the girl that had brought her this pleasure. Emotion started to pour out of her as awareness returned to her, and sobs began to wrack her body as tears poured relentlessly from her eyes.

Natsuki saw the change in her, and before Shizuru knew it she found herself being cradled in Natsuki's arms. Natsuki's right hand was slowly stroking her back, and Natsuki whispered soothing and sweet words into her ear. "It's alright, Shizuru, I'm right here. I'm not going to leave you. I love you. I'm more sure of this than I've ever been of anything in my life. I love you, Shizuru. I love you."

When Shizuru's sobs came to a halt, Natsuki reluctantly pulled herself away from the girl. She didn't go far, though. She'd just sat up so she could tug the bed sheets out from under them and bring them back up to cover the pair. The enveloping warmth of the sheets was accompanied by Natsuki resuming her embrace of Shizuru, and she started gently rubbing her back again. With a contented moan, Shizuru nuzzled her face into the crook of Natsuki's neck.

She wished she had the energy to repay Natsuki at this point, but Shizuru was just too spent. Natsuki probably wouldn't have let her in any case; she would have just insisted that this night was supposed to be all about making Shizuru happy. That was alright; she'd have time to prepare this way, and when she was at her peak energy she could do a much better job at making Natsuki's first time as special as hers was. But until then, there was one nagging thought that still had to be satisfied; one thing she could still do for Natsuki.

"I love you too, Natsuki," Shizuru said sleepily, and she felt her love's arms squeeze her sweetly in response. She imagined a precious little smile forming on Natsuki's face at this, and maybe even a cute blush. She kept the image of Natsuki's angelic face at the front of her mind as she drifted off to sleep, knowing that she'd surely be seeing her love in her dreams before long.


	12. Dreams of a Butterfly

**Author's Note:**Well, this is the final chapter of this fic, though that's just a technicality. This fic was mostly focused on a very particular story arc, and that's mostly closing up now. After this, I plan to continue right on with a sequel fic that will pick up right where this one leaves off, so no worries. Expect to see it coming out under the title "Perchance to Dream." If you don't get the relevance of the titles of this and that, go pick up a copy of Hamlet (and yay for bilingual double-entendres!).

Sorry for the delay in getting this out. This one was another monster chapter, and there were some other problems which resulted in delay which I won't get into here. But I hope you'll find it's worth the wait.

Now, there is one other secret project I'm working on, so that might delay my update schedule a bit. All I can tell you right now is that it's an Otome Shiznat. As for what about it means I have to keep it secret and a big surprise, well, you'll just have to wait and see.

Anyways, much thanks to everyone for all the reviews, including all the first-timers. It was really nice to see how much you all enjoyed that last chapter. Don't worry, you'll see Shizuru pay Natsuki back soon enough. ;) And to everyone who thought Natsuki seemed too confident last chapter, have a little faith, eh? There was a reason I didn't reveal her viewpoint for the last two chapters, so you would all be just as surprised as Shizuru. Don't worry, you and her will get your explanation.

And of course, much thanks to centauri2002 for all her betaing work on this fic, and the inspiration her work provided. This fic probably wouldn't be here if it weren't for her prompting in the first place.

* * *

**Title:** What Dreams May Come

**Rating:**M (just for language here, sorry)

**Chapter 12:** Dreams of a Butterfly

* * *

_Natsuki…_

Shizuru rested in the protective arms of her beloved. That night was the first time in her life she'd ever exposed herself so fully to anyone else, made herself so vulnerable. And Natsuki had loved the exposed Shizuru she'd seen and taken advantage of her vulnerability to bring her to heights of pleasure she'd never imagined being possible. Everything was right; it was the perfect moment, and she wanted it to last forever.

Sure, she could find doubts if she wanted to. How had Natsuki ever gotten so good at lovemaking? Did she have a secret history of lesbian lovemaking? No, of course not. She could worry about the real reason later. And what about Natsuki's courage? How long could that last? Even last night, was Natsuki afraid of opening herself up to Shizuru?

Shizuru pushed all these doubts to the back of her mind. They didn't matter, anyways. Besides, it might even be fun to play with an easily embarrassed Natsuki again. This night was good enough to keep her satisfied until she could work up Natsuki to that point again. A grin broke out on Shizuru's face as she imagined Natsuki's cheeks lighting up in a beautiful blush.

_Ara, I really hope she'll never get too courageous that I won't be able to do that to her anymore… No, I won't let that happen, however drastic I have to get with my teasing. As soon as I'm able to give her her own perfect first time like this, I won't have to limit myself anymore. I could certainly have a lot of fun with her with no limits…_

Shizuru forcibly stopped her mind from going down that road. There'd be plenty of time to fantasize about what she could do to Natsuki later, but the time she could spend just lying in Natsuki's arms basking in the afterglow of her first time was limited. So with this goal, she let her mind drift back to the all the pleasure Natsuki had brought her. Her mind relived the events over and over, trying to relish every sensation she could recall, from the first kiss they'd shared that night to her climax and Natsuki gradually bringing her back to earth.

She'd really have to pay Natsuki back for this, she decided. It would take a lot of work to make it this good, but she would do everything she could. Natsuki deserved it, after all, even if it wasn't for what she'd just done for Shizuru. _Ara, and to think that Natsuki actually gave me a coupon for this! I should really be giving her an extra for it, if anything. Hmm, maybe I really should, if all of her favors are going to be this good. Well, I'll give her this one back at least, and focus the next favor on giving her an equally perfect night._

A ray of sunlight slipped into Shizuru's vision, laying across Natsuki's chest. As the minutes passed, it slowly worked its way up her body, eventually illuminating her angelic sleeping face for Shizuru's eyes. Her position wasn't quite the best to view it though, so with a little regret, she pulled herself up to get closer to it, trying not to disentangle herself from Natsuki's arms.

Fortunately, Natsuki seemed to be trying to help her out here, even through her sleep. As Shizuru pulled up, Natsuki's arms loosened slightly, before tightening back again as soon as she came to rest, her head on the pillow facing Natsuki's. She spent many more minutes gazing at her love's beautiful visage, relishing the fact that Natsuki was finally hers.

Eventually, her gaze drifted down to Natsuki's cute lips, which seemed to just be dying for some attention. The urge passed through her to move in and give them a tender kiss, but she hesitated. They were a couple now, and it should be alright, but it still felt too similar to the time she'd stolen a kiss from Natsuki in her sleep. But still, she really wanted to get past her demons, and Natsuki surely wouldn't mind…

"Natsuki?" Shizuru whispered hesitantly to her lover. "I want to kiss you. I don't know if this will filter into your sleep, but I'd really like to have your permission. Please? May I?"

She really didn't know what she'd been expecting in response. Natsuki couldn't have given her much at any rate. Maybe a muttering in her sleep or something. But no response was forthcoming. Shizuru gave out a soft sigh. Even though she knew Natsuki wouldn't mind at this point, she just couldn't bring herself to do it. She just couldn't risk letting herself take advantage of the girl again.

"_It's alright, Shizuru. I give you my permission,"_ _a small voice in Shizuru's head said, sounding like Natsuki. Shizuru allowed herself to drift into a daydream to converse with this voice, and she found herself face-to-face once more with her Dream Natsuki._

"_Are you sure? But you can't do anything to stop me. I'd be taking advantage of you," she said to the image of Natsuki in her mind._

"_Baka," Dream Natsuki teased. "Why would I ever want to stop you? I love your kisses. I love _you_, Shizuru. You don't have to ask my permission to do something nice for me."_

Shizuru let out a light chuckle as she drifted down from her daydream. Her inner image of Natsuki was right; there was nothing to worry about anymore. It wasn't a betrayal; it was just kissing her girlfriend and giving her a little happiness in her sleep. With this in mind, Shizuru moved her head forward and brought her lips to her lover's, intent on giving her this bit of happiness.

Their lips met, and Shizuru started gently moving hers against Natsuki's. Almost immediately, her partner's lips started moving back in time with hers, reassuring Shizuru that Natsuki didn't mind. She focused all of her mind on the feeling of Natsuki's lips against hers, the sweet velvet bringing the message of love from the girl. The world around Shizuru seemed to fade, and nothing existed except for her lips and Natsuki's.

A tongue tentatively slipped its way into Shizuru's mouth, surprising the girl for a moment that Natsuki would get into a kiss in her sleep. Of course, she wasn't going to protest, and she brought her own tongue in to play with it, delighting in the feel and taste of the soft organ in her mouth. This response actually elicited a soft chuckle from Natsuki, though it was mostly muffled by their kiss.

Had she woken her friend up? Shizuru opened her eyes to check on the girl, while trying not to forget to attend to the tongue in her mouth. Her eyes found the beautiful visage of Natsuki in front of her, her own eyes open and gazing adoringly at Shizuru. The two held eye contact for a minute, before Natsuki slowly withdrew her tongue and backed her head away from Shizuru, much to her displeasure.

Natsuki gave a mirthful grin at Shizuru's pout. "I figured that would be the perfect way to wake you up," she said as she allowed her head to drop back to the pillow.

The pout dropped from Shizuru's face as the meaning of Natsuki's words struck her. "Natsuki was kissing me in my sleep?" So had she been the one asleep then, instead of Natsuki? And that message from her Dream Natsuki, was that her mind telling her that Natsuki had started kissing her in her sleep, so it should be alright?

Unfortunately, dropping her pout and getting contemplative seemed to have given Natsuki the wrong idea about her emotional state. Her cheerful expression rapidly turned into concern and guilt, a blush rising on her face as she started to get flustered. "Oh no, Shizuru, I'm sorry. I really shouldn't have done that without your permission! I don't know what I was thinking. You were just so beautiful and I wanted to give you one more sweet experience to finish off the night before we had to get up, but now I've-"

Natsuki trailed off as Shizuru couldn't hold herself back any longer and burst out into a fit of laughter. Her expression sunk into confusion and then embarrassment as she realized her faux pas. "Forgive me," Shizuru said between giggles. "Natsuki is just too cute when she's flustered."

Natsuki's face turned a deeper shade of red at this, and a repressed smile barely managed to form despite her efforts to look angry. "Baka!" she said as gave Shizuru's shoulder a playful slap. "You really had me worried there."

"Ara, don't be worried, Natsuki," Shizuru said as she was finally able to bring her laughter to a lull. "I'll never be mad at you for kissing me, awake or asleep."

A smile broke out on Natsuki's face as she got her embarrassment under control, unfortunately also causing her blush to fade. "Thank you, Shizuru," she said. "You can kiss me anytime I'm asleep, too, if you want. I know how much trouble you have resisting that."

_If only you knew, Natsuki…_ To cover up her lecherous thoughts, Shizuru decided to see if she could get Natsuki's blush to return. "Ara, Natsuki won't let me kiss her anytime she's awake as well?"

"Nope," Natsuki said, parrying Shizuru's tease and striking back with a riposte. "Because I know you'll use it to embarrass me at every opportunity in public if I do."

Shizuru was quick to go into full pout mode at this. "But Natsuki is so cute when she blushes, and I know she secretly likes it even though she'd never admit it. Doesn't Natsuki want to be cute for her girlfriend to make her happy?"

The gratuitous use of "girlfriend" managed to make Natsuki blush again, though she wasn't going to relent that easily. She gave out a sigh and dropped the pretenses of joking around. "I'm sorry, Shizuru, but I still don't know how comfortable I am with other people knowing about us. I think I used up all my courage last night."

_Aw, I knew that had to be hard for you, despite your strong façade. _Shizuru leaned her head forward and gave Natsuki a quick kiss on the tip of her nose. "And I thank you for that, Natsuki. I can hold myself back when we're in public if that's what you need,"

"Thank you, Shizuru," Natsuki said, relief evident on her face.

"Now, holding myself back in private is quite another matter…" Shizuru said, giving her voice a seductive tone and moving her face forward to Natsuki's. She whispered the next few words to her lover, "I still have to pay you back for last night, if you remember."

Natsuki's eyes widened in surprise, and she instinctively pushed herself away from Shizuru. The reaction caused Shizuru's mood to fade in an instant, and a pain struck her heart. There was no ulterior motive to the sad expression she gave Natsuki now. Natsuki's expression immediately softened into regret as she saw the change in Shizuru, and she promptly leaned forward to grasp Shizuru into a hug.

"I'm sorry, Shizuru," Natsuki whispered into her ear, her voice quivering. Shizuru could feel her body trembling in the hug, and she tentatively reached her own arms around to support the girl. "I want to let you, I really do, but I think I just used up all my courage last night. Just give me a little time, okay? Please don't be upset, Shizuru…"

"It's alright, Natsuki," Shizuru said softly into her lover's ear. The pain had fled her heart at Natsuki's comforting reaction. All that mattered was making her feel better now. "I know how hard last night must have been for you. Besides, this way I have time to plan and make it just as special for you as that was for me. That sound good, Natsuki?"

The rising warmth against her cheek told Shizuru that Natsuki was blushing at this. "Yeah, that sounds good. Thank you, Shizuru." After a minute of resting in the hug, Natsuki pulled her head back and gave Shizuru a short but sweet kiss. "We really should be getting up pretty soon," she said, regret evident in her voice. "It's almost 10 already."

Shizuru gave a pout at this. "Only if Natsuki promises that we'll be able to do this again very soon," she said. "I've never slept so well before in my life."

Natsuki gave a sigh at this. "I have summer school starting tomorrow; I don't know if I can afford to risk being late. If I miss a single class, I'll end up having to repeat a year…" Shizuru extended her pout and added a pitiful moan to it. Natsuki bowed her head in regret. "Friday. I can promise you Friday, we can sleep together again then, okay?" A blush filled her face at her words, realizing what she was in fact promising to Shizuru.

A grin split Shizuru's face. Friday should give her plenty of time to think up the perfect plan, if she could manage to hold herself back that long. She moved her head forward to give Natsuki a quick kiss. "It's a date," she said.

A hint of a blush started to form on Natsuki's face, but this was all Shizuru saw as the girl quickly turned her head away and sat up. The action denied Shizuru the delight of being able to see her blush, and she silently vowed to get back at Natsuki for that as soon as possible. As she pondered how she could do this, Natsuki pushed herself off of the bed and started picking out some clothes from her dresser and closet, momentarily distracting Shizuru with the her beautiful teddy-clad form. She rolled over onto her back and propped her head up on the pillow to better take in the view.

Natsuki turned back and blushed as she noticed Shizuru staring at her. Her arms twitched as if she were fighting the urge to cover herself up. She was able to resist, though, much to Shizuru's delight. After a moment, Natsuki gave a roll of her eyes and said, "If you can bear to be without me, I'm going to go take a shower a now. You can use it when I'm done."

"Ara, and if I can't bear to be without you, can I use it before you're done?" Shizuru teased. Natsuki's face immediately lit up red at this. Her success at making the girl blush this morning came as quite a relief to Shizuru. Although confident Natsuki certainly had her perks, she didn't know if she'd be able to live without the easily-blushing version.

Natsuki was quick to recover, though, and she forcibly suppressed her blush. "Not this morning," she said. There was a very slight quiver to her voice as if she was holding back a little nervousness. "No sneak peaks until this Friday. You'll just have to wait." As she finished this sentence, Natsuki's face returned to its previous blush as her spurt of courage faded. She rapidly turned to head to the door.

"Natsuki, wait," Shizuru said, and the girl stopped halfway through the door. "Say it."

Natsuki slowly turned back to Shizuru. The blush had started to fade from her face, but enough of it remained for it to be quite cute nevertheless. "Say what?" she asked.

"You know." Shizuru gave Natsuki her best cute grin with a little sparkle in her eye to make sure she got the hint.

Natsuki didn't disappoint her, and a loving smile formed on her face. "I love you, Shizuru," she said, causing a wave of warmth to run its way through Shizuru's chest. The words also seemed to make any hint of fear fade from Natsuki. Shizuru noted this fact for future reference.

"I love you too, Natsuki." Her words seemed to have a similar effect on Natsuki, as the girl's face immediately lit up. She made no attempt to hide her delight as she backed off through the doorway, giving Shizuru a wave as she left her line of sight.

Shizuru allowed herself a few more minutes to doze and bask in what remained of the afterglow of her encounter with Natsuki. Her mind drifted to thinking about what their next encounter would be like. Five days had never seemed like such a long time before. Maybe she'd be able to get Natsuki to do a little something for her in the meantime, and then pay her back double when her turn finally came.

And then there was the other matter of properly paying her back for denying Shizuru the blush she'd rightfully earned. No, the other blushes she'd invoked wouldn't do it. Natsuki had to be taught a special lesson so she'd never deny Shizuru such a pleasure again… or at least she'd only do it when she wanted to pay the price, which Shizuru would of course assume was the case if it ever happened again.

As she heard the shower stop, an idea struck Shizuru and she jumped into action. Natsuki had said Shizuru could use the shower after she was done. What she hadn't specified was that Shizuru had to wait until she was fully dressed to get in. Of course, it wouldn't be quite so embarrassing for Natsuki if Shizuru entered in an equal state of undress, but if she spent the time to get dressed, she'd miss her opportunity.

Shizuru scrambled around Natsuki's room, trying to quickly find where she kept her spare towels. Her closet was a bust, but Shizuru was eventually able to find them in a lower drawer of her dresser. She took one out and wrapped it around herself, and she then proceeded to the door to Natsuki's bathroom.

Now, although Natsuki hadn't explicitly denied her entrance at this point, she had requested no peaking until it was finally her night. It was with this in mind that Shizuru decided to give her a bit of leeway and a chance to cover herself up. The door to the bathroom had transparent panels, so if Natsuki were in any position to see through she'd get a bit of warning, but Shizuru could still see through and catch a glimpse if she wasn't careful.

With a sigh, Shizuru let her eyes close to make sure she wouldn't see anything. _I hope you appreciate everything I do for you, Natsuki, even when I have to punish you._ Using one hand to keep the towel secure, Shizuru reached out with her other hand to where she remembered the handle was and stepped in front of the door. As she pulled it open and stepped through, she allowed a grin to spread on her face at the surprised shriek it elicited from Natsuki and the sounds of her friend scrambling to cover herself up.

Figuring that if Natsuki hadn't concealed herself sufficiently by this point, it would be her own fault, Shizuru allowed her eyes to drift open as she smiled at the flustered Natsuki, who currently had her arms crossed in front of her breasts and had fortunately (or perhaps unfortunately) already put her panties on. Her face held a panicked expression, which started to redden as Shizuru eyed what she could of her body.

"Shi-Shizuru!" Natsuki said, her voice breaking. "What are you doing?"

"Ara, Natsuki said I could use the shower when she was done. She didn't say anything about waiting for her to finish dressing." Shizuru batted her eyelashes at Natsuki as she said this, and gave her best devious smile. She continued on her path to the shower, and when she had her back to the girl, she allowed the towel to drop from her body, hoping Natsuki would take advantage of the view. "But maybe if Natsuki wishes me to be a bit more considerate, she should show some consideration to me and not try to hide her blushes, especially if she's going to make me work so hard for them."

Natsuki was silent as Shizuru entered the shower and pulled the curtains, though she was likely in the midst of quite a blush. Shizuru wished she could turn back, but she had to be strong and keep up her façade, lest she weaken the impact of her punishment. As she reached for the handle to start the water, she heard Natsuki give a sigh and a defeated, "Shizuru…"

_Mission successful._

* * *

As Shizuru entered her house, she headed straight to the bedroom to drop off her dirty clothes in the laundry hamper. It hadn't been hard to convince Natsuki to loan her a set of clothes for the drive over, just a little gentle teasing about how it was her fault, after all, that Shizuru had spent the night, and did she prefer Shizuru to have to take another shower when she got back so she could picture it in her head?

It wasn't even too hard to wear most of Natsuki's clothes – their frames were quite similar. The only tough part was the bra, and Shizuru had been forced to choose between suffocating herself with one of Natsuki's bras or doing without. In the end, she'd chosen to make do with one of Natsuki's bras, as the thought of her going without threatened to send Natsuki into a seizure.

It was with relief then that she finally took it off, allowing herself to take in a deep breath as her chest regained its freedom of movement. She removed the rest of Natsuki's clothes and put on an outfit of her own, leaving Natsuki's outfit in the duffel Natsuki had loaned her to bring back her own outfit. After checking herself out in the mirror and straightening her hair, she headed to the kitchen to brew herself a cup of tea.

When she had a kettle of water heating up, Shizuru allowed herself to take a seat at the table as she waited. As her mind played back the events of the past night, it eventually flashed on the pleasant sight of Haruka and Yukino together as a couple. Shizuru allowed herself a smile of pride, knowing how she'd helped push them together. At this thought, she got up from the table and proceeded to a nearby cabinet, where she'd taken to keeping some of her personal papers.

There wasn't much inside the cabinet quite yet, so it was easy to find the checklist she'd made almost a week ago to track her path towards redemption. She'd already checked off "Forgiveness" for Yukino and Nao, and she now proceeded to check of "Reparations" for Yukino and Haruka. Fixing the two of them up certainly counted as a sufficiently large favor.

This left only two boxes: Forgiveness for Haruka, and Reparations for Nao. Shizuru let out a sigh at the thought of these last tasks. It seemed like it would be impossible for her to have a serious conversation with Haruka about these issues anytime soon, so getting forgiveness would be quite difficult. Maybe eventually that would be possible, but it would have to take quite a few developments in their relationship.

_Well, I guess that's something to work for then. I really do owe it to Suzushiro-san to get to know her better. Perhaps I should try inviting her over for tea sometime. Shouldn't hope for too much at first; simply having her come and have the roof remain on the house would be enough of a success. Well, there's something I can do this upcoming week while Natsuki's at school._

The case of making reparations for hurting Nao was quite a different matter. In that case, Nao had specifically asked that Shizuru _not_ try to do anything for her. It didn't seem right to simply count off not doing something as meeting her criteria, but Nao wouldn't appreciate it if she did do anything.

After a moment of contemplation, Shizuru gave a sigh used her pen to black out that particular checkbox. Sticking close to her plan wasn't the important part, it was making the others feel comfortable around her again and being able to forgive herself. She'd certainly gotten the former done in Nao's case, and she was finally approaching the latter as well.

She still regretted what she'd done, and she knew that she always would, but it was time to put it behind her and move forward. She had new friendships to work on, including some with the very people she'd hurt in the Carnival. Even more importantly, she had a new relationship to focus on as well, and Natsuki wasn't going to tolerate any moping from her.

On the thought of her relationship, Shizuru's eyes caught the stack of letters she'd been writing for Natsuki. She'd been planning to give them to the girl as soon as she was sure she could accept her feelings, and that time had certainly come to pass. Her only regret was that she would still have to hold herself back from ravaging Natsuki as she'd planned when writing the first letter, but she'd be sure to make up for it as soon as she had a chance.

Shizuru took the pile of letters out of the cabinet and started leafing through them. When she reached the bottom, she was reminded of the letter she'd written the previous night and left in her purse. She left to retrieve it, and noticed on her way back that the kettle of water was just about ready. She removed it from the stove and took out some tea leaves from her cabinet to start brewing.

When her tea was finished, Shizuru sat down to read through all her letters once more as she sipped her cup. Natsuki was sure to get quite the blush on her face from reading all of this, and if she were lucky, maybe it would even restore her courage enough that Shizuru wouldn't have to spend the next week in patient agony waiting for Natsuki to be ready.

_But could I still make it special enough for Natsuki?_ Shizuru wondered. _She did so much to make my first night one to remember, it seems wrong not to do the same for her. Then again, making love right after she reads these letters does seem quite romantic. But if I give them to her today, and she doesn't give in, my plan will be ruined. I guess I'll have to hold off on these until Friday, when she's promised me to be ready. Can't take any chances here._

Her choice made, Shizuru resolved herself to having to wait. She'd waited this long for Natsuki to be ready, she could easily wait another five days. But before that time, there was one last letter she had to write. Her emotional journey chronicled in the letters wouldn't be complete until she included the last night and this morning. Taking out a pen and paper from the nearby cabinet, Shizuru set down to writing.

* * *

_I love you, Natsuki. I know I got into a bit of a habit of starting off these letters with "Ara, Natsuki," but I just couldn't bring myself to start off with anything else this time. It just wouldn't be right. After everything that happened last night, no other thought has been going through my mind more. I love you. See? There it goes again. There is one other thought that's fighting for dominance, though: that you love me as well, and were finally able to admit it._

_I'm so proud of you, Natsuki. To be honest, I never expected you to be able to admit your feelings this soon, if you ever could. I thought it would take months, maybe years, of working on you to slowly pry them out. But you were stronger than I gave you credit for. Once you'd set your mind to it, you figured everything out in less than a week. I'll have to remember to ask you sometime what made you set your mind to it in the first place._

_But that's not the only thing I'm proud of you for. I'm also really proud of the way you were able to overcome all your fears and insecurities last night for my sake. I never expected that you'd have it in you. I know you've shown amazing courage in the heat of battle, but emotionally, it's always seemed to be a lot harder for you. But for my sake, you were somehow able to work up the courage to do all of that. You can be quite sweet, you know?_

_It's alright, though, that your courage had faded this morning (though thankfully not before you could give me that sweet wakeup kiss). I still really love the shy and nervous Natsuki, especially when I can make her blush. You have no idea how adorable you are when you do that. Sexy too, I guess I can admit that now, since you figured it out yourself with me last night. I wonder, when your turn comes around, will it be the shy Natsuki or the courageous Natsuki I get to make love to? I have to say, I kind of hope it's the shy one. There's something about seducing my way past your barriers and feeling you give in to me that really gets me going._

_One thing has been kind of worrying me, though, Natsuki. How did you ever manage to get so good? You couldn't have had any past experience with this sort of thing. Personally, I've fantasized more than is probably healthy about being with you, and if I were to distill all my fantasies down, I might be able to come up with something quite good for you (which by the way, I plan to), but I can't imagine you having fantasized about me like that. Maybe in the last few days since you figured out your feelings, though it still doesn't seem much like you. At the time, I thought it was simply your love for me guiding your motions. I guess, failing any other explanation, I'll just stick with that one. It's quite a nice reason after all._

_Well, that's about it for these letters. After this, I'm going to make an effort not to hide anything from you. I do kind of like the experience of getting all my thoughts out like this, so maybe I'll get a journal or something. Don't worry, I'll make sure you know where it is so you can peek in whenever you want._

_By the way, I know I promised you in a couple of these earlier letters that I'd start doing things to you as you read them. I decided to hold myself back though, as you've surely figured out by now. I wanted to let you get through all of these in relative peace. I'm probably hugging you or something while you read them, though, maybe with a few tender kisses here and there. Ooh, and here. Definitely there as well. Oh, in case you haven't figured it out yet, your very special night is about to begin. Enjoy!_

_Yours,_

_Shizuru_

* * *

As Shizuru was about to change into her robe and settle in to bed for the night, her gaze was caught by a flash of white on the floor of her room. Near Natsuki's duffle bag, she found a stuffed envelope. Her name was written on it in Natsuki's handwriting. The girl had likely slipped it in when she'd gotten it for Shizuru, and it had fallen out when Shizuru had removed her clothes.

Shizuru peeled open the envelope and found a handwritten letter from Natsuki inside. She turned on her bedside lamp, laid back, and started to read.

* * *

_Hey there, Shizuru. Sorry if this sounds like I'm rambling, but I sat at my desk for a while trying to get things started perfectly, and got precisely nowhere. I tried organizing everything in my head and then writing it down, but that ended up sounding like crap so I'm trying a different tactic. So this time, I decided to just let everything flow out of me as it came. It might be rough, but at least this way it'll get written._

_Anyways, the letter you sent me gave me an idea. I decided to write my own letter to you to let you know all the thoughts that have been going through my head at this time. I feel real bad about keeping you in the dark like this, but I really do have trouble thinking straight when you're around, and I need to be sure of my decision on this. I do want to tell you all this eventually, so I've decided to write all this down while it's still fresh in my mind._

_Okay, first things first. I suppose I should start as far back as I've been keeping stuff from you, and that starts back at the end of the Carnival. I spent a lot of time contemplating my feelings for you after the revelation of how you felt for me, but it wasn't a time that was particularly good for clear thought. Even despite your betrayal of me, I knew that I still cared deeply for you as a friend. Eventually, I came to the resolution that I still did love you._

_Only briefly then did I try to figure out what type of love I had for you. I'm sorry to say that I was still so repulsed by what you'd done that I immediately rejected any possibility that it was romantic love I felt. I decided that I loved you very much as a friend, and as your friend, it was my responsibility to save you from the demon you'd become._

_Well, you pretty much know how things went in our battle. You thought then that I hated you a lot, seeing Duran's size, but to me it told me that I was right in my conclusion that I still did care for you. (I'm thinking now that I may have actually been wrong there, and should have taken the hint that it meant my love for you was beyond simple friendship, but I'm still trying to figure that part out, so bear with me.)_

_It got to the point where you had me beaten and restrained, but you of course couldn't do me in. I didn't really have a specific plan for getting to that point, but I knew that at some point in the battle I'd have to get close to you and set you straight. I knew it was now or never; I had to prove to you that I still loved you. It was the only way to stop the monster that was raging inside you._

_In the end, it was mostly instinct that made me choose to kiss you. The thought struck my mind that it would work, and I didn't second-guess it. So, I did it, and you know everything I told you after that. I still thought at the time that I couldn't love you as you loved me, and so I told you that. It was then I made the hardest decision I'd ever made in my life, when I ordered Duran to destroy Kiyohime and himself._

_I didn't want to do that, I really didn't. I wanted to live on with you, finally accepting you as my best friend. But I couldn't do that. Beyond our emotional struggle, the Carnival was still going on, and if it weren't brought down to a single HiME, the HiME star would hit Earth… or something. End of the world, is the point. Neither of us could win, as either of us being defeated would spell the death of the other. If the two of us were alive together at the end, it would all be over, and we'd die anyway. We had to die so that Mai could be the last one standing and bring things to an end._

_But that's all beside the point, really. Sorry, I warned you I'd probably get rambly (is that a word?). Okay, back on topic. Once everyone was back alive again and we weren't dealing with the immediate aftermath of the Carnival, my thoughts started to drift back to how I felt about you. After seeing the change I'd brought about in you by simply accepting your feelings, I was able to forgive you for taking advantage of me and kissing me in my sleep. And with that forgiveness went the repulsion I'd felt at possibly loving you romantically._

_So I finally had to actually face my feelings and figure out what I really felt. The problem was that I sucked at it. I'd had enough trouble admitting to myself that I loved you at all, trying to differentiate between types of love was completely beyond me. I tried to sort things out while you were around me, but you're just so damn distracting. It seems like you couldn't go five minutes without embarrassing me in some way._

_Then I tried to do it when you weren't around, but the constant specter of you suddenly hugging me from nowhere started haunting my mind. The fact that you actually did this on a number of occasions while I was trying to figure things out certainly didn't help matters. Even when I was locked up in my dorm, I still couldn't properly concentrate. I'd get thinking about things, and before I knew it I was missing the fact that you hadn't already caught me in a hug._

…_Fuck. You're going to hold that last part over my head for the rest of my life now, aren't you? Damn it. I really don't want to start this letter over. I probably should have written this in pencil or something. I know if I just cross it out, it'll make you even more desperate to read it and you'll just make things worse. Okay, how about this: You don't hold this over my head, and I'll try not to complain about your hugs. Deal?_

_Anyways, perhaps my constant thoughts about you were a sign I should have paid more attention to, but either way, I didn't think of that at the time. Eventually I just decided I needed a vacation from everything. Well, you know how that plan turned out, so I ended up having to ask you to give me some time alone. You also know how _that _plan turned out: with me almost immediately getting a flu which required you to come nurse me._

_To be honest, though, I was really happy to see you. I'd tried to talk things through with Mai earlier, but she didn't end up being much help. Her case with Tate was just too different, so I couldn't garner any clues from her about how I was supposed to identify love. All she said was that I should try to figure out if I was a lesbian or not, and work from there. I considered that for a bit, but I'd just buried my libido too far down to figure anything out that way. The only way I'd be able to get it out would be if you were the one to pry it out of me, but to get to that point, I'd have to answer the question which was the whole point of figuring that thing out._

_Bleh. So, those thoughts rolling through my head, I drifted off to sleep. When I woke up, you were watching over me. In a rare moment of weakness, I'd caught you with your mask off, and I could see the love bared in your eyes. It really struck a chord in my heart to see you like that, and I realized that I preferred it to when you covered up your emotions. Not only did I prefer that you didn't hide yourself from me, but it made me feel good to know you loved me. I kind of even wanted to be able to make you feel the same way._

_Well, you know pretty much how that day went, and what we ended up doing after the unpleasantness with the negi (which, by the way, might make me fear the vegetable a bit less knowing what it indirectly led to. But do __not__ take that as an invitation to use it in anything other than cooking when it comes to me). What you don't really know about that is the thoughts that were going through my head as I kissed you._

_Now, my stated reasons for doing so were true. I wanted to figure out how it felt, to see if it felt good (which it did), and if it would cause those weird physical sensations in me which seemed to come with interacting with you (which it also did). But there was another reason for doing it. When I made the decision, you were crying in my arms, and I really wanted to make you feel better and take the pain away. I took my own fear of intimacy with you and shoved it behind the reasoning of using this to figure things out so I could take away your pain. I'm glad to say that I think I did, though I really wish I hadn't shoved you away like that, risk of infection or not._

_Well anyways, I really did enjoy that kiss, Shizuru. It's an experience I don't think I'll ever be forgetting. I took a very good catalog of all the sensations I felt during it, the problem is, I just don't know if they add up to love. I've decided what I'm going to do next, though. I'm going to ask you about your feelings and try to compare. If everything matches up, then I'm going to go for it with you. To be honest, I really hope it does. I hope I can learn to love you so I'll never see that pain in your eyes again._

_--_

_I love you, Shizuru. It feels so good to finally be able to admit that. I admitted it to myself earlier tonight right after you told me about your feelings. I'm sorry I didn't tell you then, but I knew what would happen if I did. There'd be no way you'd be able to hold yourself back (I might have some trouble myself, to be honest), and you'd be pretty much guaranteed to end up with my flu. I know you probably don't care about that, but I do. I really don't want to hurt you, Shizuru. I'd really hate to think that my profession of love ended up hurting you like this. I hope you can understand._

_I decided then that when I finally told you, I'd do everything I could to make it the best night of your life. I know how long you've been waiting for this, and I want it to be perfect when it finally happens for you. I'm still not sure exactly what I'm going to do, but I've got some time to think over it._

_One idea that just won't get out of my head though actually comes from something you said to me. You teased me earlier about using one of my coupons to be allowed to ravish your body, and I wasn't as embarrassed by the thought as I would have thought I'd be. Now that I know I'm in love with you, it seems right. I think I want you, Shizuru, all of you. Not only that, but, erm… pleasuring you like that seems like a good way to make your night all the better._

_Of course, the obvious problem with that plan is that I'm probably not going to be so good at it my first time. I'm probably going to be pretty nervous and hesitant, and I'm afraid that could take away from the experience. I wish I could be a lot better for you. I know you wouldn't mind in the slightest however good I was, as long as I tried, but I really want to make this special for you, Shizuru. You deserve so much pleasure after being in pain for this long._

_I guess, maybe I could try some research or something on it. They have everything on the internet, maybe I could do some searching. And maybe I could try a few things on myself, see how my own body reacts. It's just, I've never done anything like that before, and I'm nervous just about doing it on my own. As I said earlier, my libido has been pretty buried. Now that it's starting to show up, I kind of want my first real experience to be with you, so I'll have to be careful not to go too far with myself._

_Ugh. I bet you wish you could see my face right now. I think I've just invented a new shade of purple. It won't be any good if I start to blush like crazy when the time finally comes (though I know how much you love that, so maybe one or two for you). I'll have to find the courage somewhere to go through with it. For your sake, Shizuru, I know I can do this._

_--_

_Yes! I told you I could find the courage for this. It was amazing. I started focusing on this. Giving you the perfect night was my new mission in life, and all the courage I used when I was fighting as a HiME came out to help me here. I know I can do this now, and I know I can be good at it too. Yes, I succeeded in doing some research on it, and I think I have some very good ideas of what I can do. I even experimented on myself a little, and it seems to work. Don't worry, though, I managed to hold back enough to save myself for you when that time comes._

_That did make me think though; I know you're going to want to return the favor to me, and I'm still not sure how I feel about that. I really want this to be your night, Shizuru. I don't want you to feel obligated to do anything for me. However, if your perspective on this is anything like mine, you'd probably really enjoy the giving part as well. I guess, maybe I could let you do that. I'm just afraid my courage won't hold up that long. I know I can hold it long enough to handle your needs, but I don't know how long it will last. I guess maybe we'll just have to wait and see. _

_--_

_Wow… Looking back, I have a little trouble believing I actually did all that. And I can't believe it all went so well. Hell, it even went better than I predicted. It was a stroke of luck finding about the sensitivity of where your HiME mark was, and another stroke of luck stumbling onto that spot. Most of my other moves were planned out, but even when I improvised with that, everything went perfectly._

_You know, in a way, I kind of regret in retrospect a few things I didn't do. I wish I'd spent more time simply exploring your body and figuring it out. Sure, the things I did worked, but I'm going to have to get to know you a lot better beyond the obvious sensitive spots for future encounters to be even better. Oh boy, I hope you don't walk into the room right now and see this blush, because then you'd make me explain it, and… gah!_

_Heh, I probably should try to finish this up soon. I still need to figure out a way to give it to you today. No reason to hold all this back from you anymore. Okay, just one more thing I need to say: I'm really,__really__ sorry about the fear I showed this morning when you wanted to return the favor. I knew my courage would have run out sooner or later, but why did it have to be right then?_

_I really want to be with you, Shizuru, but I can't deny that I'm still a little afraid. We somehow settled on a date for it, though, and there's no way I'm backing out now. No matter how afraid I might be then, Shizuru, don't let me chicken out from it. Shove this letter in my face if you have to. I know I'll end up giving in and enjoying it in the end, so don't worry. Friday, I'll be yours. Just… please be gentle, okay?_

_With love (and I'm sure you know what type),_

_Natsuki_

* * *

Darkness surrounded Shizuru. There wasn't really any scenery to speak of, but somehow, this was familiar. This was where she'd battled it out with her darker side in her dreams a week ago. She remembered the events clearly. She'd poured her heart out into the battle, and she'd nearly lost. It was only by the timely rescue of her Dream Natsuki that she was saved.

Of course, the darkness in her heart would never vanish entirely. She'd have to deal with it the rest of her life. Perhaps this was why she was back here again: for another battle. It really seemed an odd time for it. She'd finally been able to forgive herself for what she'd done. Then again, maybe that was it. Maybe she just had to seal the deal.

"Oh, stop being such a downer, Shizuru," Natsuki's voice came from behind her, and Shizuru rapidly turned around to look at her. A blush quickly formed on Shizuru's face as she realized that Natsuki was only clad in the teddy she'd worn the previous night. She was just as alluring as she'd been then, and it was all Shizuru could do to keep herself from pouncing on the girl.

"What's going on, Natsuki?" Shizuru asked, trying to focus on the meaning of her dream rather than her scantily-clad lover.

"What's going on is that you're still hung up about fighting with yourself," the girl said. The glare she gave Shizuru was quite at odds with her current outfit, and Shizuru had to fight down a sudden urge to giggle. "Your dark side is a part of you, like it or not. If you keep fighting with it, you'll end up destroying yourself. While you've been off enjoying yourself with the real Natsuki, I've been in here trying to make peace with her."

"Ara? And what has Dream Natsuki been doing with her?" Shizuru asked, hoping her tone could tease a blush out of the girl. Sadly, she had no such luck.

"Well…" Natsuki said, a smirk on her face as she wagged her eyebrows at Shizuru. "You know that she's born from your love for me, right? Well, after seeing what the real Natsuki did to you, let's just say inspiration struck."

A warmth rushed through Shizuru's chest and a blush rose to her face as she realized what Natsuki was talking about. She then felt an odd sensation as if something were filling her up which had been long missing. She was no longer cut off from a part of her personality, but it was no longer a part to be feared. As long as she had Natsuki, she had nothing to fear.

"I figured you might find that part of you useful for when you get around to taking care of me," Natsuki said to her, a loving smile spreading across her face.

Shizuru matched the smile with one of her own. "Thank you," she said. "There's just one thing I was thinking of…" Natsuki rolled her eyes. By this point, she knew what was coming, but Shizuru said it anyways. "I could really use some practice for Natsuki's big night…"

Natsuki gave out a sigh and shook her head. "You never give up, do you? Sorry, but this is something you'll only be able to learn in reality. Dreaming just isn't going to help you learn about this one." Shizuru's face turned into a pout. Even though it was only mock hurt, Natsuki did seem to react to it, pained seeing even a pretense of pain from Shizuru. "Alright, I'll tell you what. I can let you relive your experience from last night as much as you want. Deal?"

Shizuru didn't even have a chance to reply as she found herself back in her room, Natsuki slowly kissing her way down her body. She gave a contented sigh and laid back to enjoy her dreams.

* * *

**Author's End Notes:** First of all, a quick note to explain this chapter's title. It comes from a quote by Chuang Tzu: "I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly dreaming I am a man." No, I don't intend to imply this was all a dream; I wouldn't do that to you guys.

Anyways, I wanted to talk for a bit about why I chose to do this story from Shizuru's point of view (primarily, at least). First of all, there's the simple fact that's it's not often done this way, and if nothing else, it'll be something a little different for you guys to read. Of course, I did step over into Natsuki's head when it was necessary for her big revelations; you just can't do without that.

The other reason is a bit more personal. I've felt a particular affinity for the character of Shizuru, and I can really sympathize with her plight. Most of us have probably felt the pain of unrequited love at some point, and even the heartbreak from outright rejection. But I can also understand the depths of insanity she fell to. I've felt that within myself at some of my harder moments, and I've fought my own battles with the beast within (don't worry, I won).

It's for this reason that I wanted to write this story for her, and give her a happy ending. She really deserves it, after all. We know she's an innately kind person who succumbed to her temptations in a moment of weakness during the Carnival, and lost control in a moment of heartbreak (Okay, I know, some may disagree). We know that Natsuki was able to forgive her from this, and I believe that once she's able to open up her heart, she'll be able to love her as well.

On top of that, I'm one of those who believe it's canon that they eventually get together. Sure, they couldn't show this in the actual show. Even in Otome, where they're definitely a couple, they had to bow to Japanese prejudices and only hint at it in the actual show. But the supplemental materials there make it clear they're a couple. For HiME, the supplemental materials also make it clear that they'll become a couple eventually. I'm just writing my own take on how that happens. Feel free to accept whichever story written about this you prefer as your personal canon.

Well, that's it for now. Onto my next project(s)!

**Update:** The sequel fic to this is now live (and has been since long before I got the idea to note it here). It's entitled Perchance to Dream, and you can access it by going to my profile and picking it out from the list there. I hope you enjoy.


	13. Sequel Teaser

**Author's Note:** I found out that many people don't actually read these notes, and so they might not actually know that there's a sequel to this fic already out. So for them, a little teaser of the already-in-progress sequel to this fic. All of these are scenes from the sequel, Perchance to Dream. You can go read that (find it at my profile) for full enjoyment.

* * *

**Title:** What Dreams May Come

**Rating:** M

**Extra:** Sequel Teaser

* * *

_Why does this keep happening to me? Is there some great cosmic law that Natsuki must get tied up at least once a month?_

Shizuru walked through the door to Natsuki's room at this moment. Seeing Natsuki tied down to her bed, Shizuru paused and raised an eyebrow. "Ara ara, what has Natsuki gotten herself into now?"

"Shizuru!" Natsuki said. Her arms instinctively tried to move out towards the girl, but the restraints on her wrists held them back. "I don't know, I just woke up, and I was tied down to my bed. Could you just untie me please, Shizuru?"

"Ara, now why would I want to do that?" Shizuru said. As she approached Natsuki, she was able to catch a devious glint in her eyes. She reached Natsuki's bed and bent over it, placing one hand on each side of her head as she moved her face down to mere inches away from Natsuki's. "I finally have Natsuki right where I want her."

* * *

Natsuki heard the sound of a zipper from behind the door, and it opened a moment later.

"Shi-Shizuru…" Natsuki was stunned by the sight. Shizuru had donned a pair of skin-tight black leather pants, accompanied with a dark blue leather vest which was disturbingly form-fitting on her. In fact, it seemed to even work to emphasize her form in just the right places…

Shizuru cocked her head, and an expression of concern rose on her face. "Ara, is Natsuki alright?"

"Y-yeah," Natsuki said, barely able to vocalize the words. _Just a blush, I'm sure. Nothing worse than what she usually does to me, but still… Why did it take me so long to notice how sexy she is?_

Shizuru took a couple of steps towards Natsuki and bent her head down a bit. "Oh my, Natsuki. I think your nose is bleeding. Are you sure you're alright?"

* * *

"Oh, I guess you haven't checked your mail yet today," Shizuru said, a mischievous glint in her eye hinting that it probably wouldn't be in the mail in any case. "But ignorance of the rules is no excuse. You owe me one article of clothing for getting a question wrong."

"What!?" A blush rose to Natsuki's face as she figured out Shizuru's game. Thoughts telling her that as she knew geometry, she had nothing to worry about warred in her mind with the realization of how dirty Shizuru's mind could secretly be. A wave of nervous shivers coursed through her body as she started to worry about what else Shizuru might think up.

"Ara, but those are the rules," Shizuru said, putting on her best pout and puppy-dog eyes. "When you got the last question right, I took off my glasses, so now it's your turn. Are you really going to make your girlfriend spend a week in torture waiting to pleasure you back without even giving her the slightest chance at some fun in the meantime? Ikezu." Shizuru punctuated this with a sad sniff.

* * *

Shizuru caught a small twinkle in her eye which she identified as one of the indications of true happiness in her mother. "You've been practically glowing since I came through the door. You're either taking some drug, or you're madly in love, and I know I've taught you better than to do any drugs…"

A small warmth spread to Shizuru's cheeks as her mother was able to jump straight to the correct answer. Despite her best efforts, she was never able to hide anything from the woman. No point hiding back her giddiness any longer, then. She allowed a loving smile to creep across her face as her thoughts drifted to Natsuki and the fact that they were finally a couple. Allowing her happiness to show through in her eyes as they met her mother's, she said, "It's unbelievable, Mama. I've never felt this way before."

Shizuru felt a pang of pride as she saw her mother's face light up in happiness and one of her rare genuine smiles cross it. The happier she was for her daughter, the more likely she'd be able to take the news of just who her daughter was in love with well. "Isn't it? I felt just the same way with your father when he first won me over, and it's never quite faded away since." She leaned forward, a grin on her face that echoed the one Shizuru used whenever she was in one of her mischievous moods, and said, "So. Tell me about this boy."

_And there it is. _Shizuru figured her mother would have caught her slight flinch at the word "boy," but doubted her mind would jump to the correct answer. With a deep breath, she plunged in, "Well, first of all… it isn't a boy."

* * *

With a soft moan, Natsuki opened up her lips to grant the tongue entry. The tongue poked its way through the small opening she provided… and then vanished, along with the pleasant sensation of Shizuru's lips.

"Ah?" Natsuki moaned in disappointment as she opened her eyes to look at Shizuru. The woman's face was completely unreadable, and she said nothing as she gave Natsuki a moment to regain her senses.

"Perhaps we should move inside," Shizuru suggested.

"Wha-?" Natsuki said. The meaning of the words was fighting against the dazed state of her mind, but it was losing out. All she wanted was to be absorbed into Shizuru in every way possible, and she couldn't figure out why the other girl wasn't letting her in.

"Ara, or would Natsuki prefer for anyone who comes down this hallway to be able to see us enjoying each other?" Shizuru teased. "I don't think I'd mind that. I quite like the idea of letting other people know of what a great girlfriend I have."

That got through to her. As her face lit up in embarrassment over how she'd fallen into the other girl's trap all too willingly – not that she regretted it in the slightest – Natsuki grabbed a hold over her body and pushed away from Shizuru and back into her dorm. She nearly stumbled over her own legs, which had lost all strength in the process of their kiss. "Baka!" she said as she regained her balance and crossed her arms, trying to sound annoyed but coming across more as amused.

* * *

The pressure of Shizuru against her back increased slightly as Shizuru's head stretched as far forward as possible. Knowing what must have been Shizuru's goal, Natsuki turned her head around to bring her lips within reach of her lover's. Her eyes caught a quick glimpse of Shizuru's beautiful face before the sensation of soft lips against her own made her eyelids drift shut as she focused on the kiss.

Shizuru's lips moved against hers gently – too gently. A sob made its way out of Natsuki's mouth and into the kiss before she could stop it, and she soon felt the salty taste of her tears leaking into her mouth. She was beyond caring about how she was baring all of her emotions to Shizuru so easily; it was only right after what her lover had just done for her. She didn't even know what emotion it might be she was experiencing. It just seemed like her love had been concentrated in her until it started to burst out.

Natsuki pulled back from the kiss just enough so she could let this out. She had to say the words. She opened her eyes and looked down into Shizuru's, which were now curiously looking back at her for the reason she'd stopped their kiss. Watching every slight movement and change of emotion in them, she said, "I love you, Shizuru." Another sob broke out of her mouth. "I love you so much."

The emotion in Shizuru's eyes caused an aching need to shoot through Natsuki's heart. Even in their lovemaking the previous week, she didn't think she'd ever seen such pure love in her eyes. "I love you too, Natsuki," Shizuru said, quite unnecessarily.

* * *

_Continued in Perchance to Dream... _(click on my name at the top to go to my profile, then scroll down to find it)

To those who were hoping for a real update... just hold on a week or so. I'm working on the next chapter to Perchance to Dream right now. There's also another scene of mine you may have missed, hidden away in another author's fic. Go read Shezaei Neko's Into the another World, and see if chapter 4 has a familiar tone...


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